It's funny how my future in-laws offering to contribute to my wedding ends up with me, the groom-to-be, feeling pushed out of the wedding planning equation. I will be lucky if I know even 20 percent of the people at our wedding. You know what? That makes me the weird creepy guy sitting in the corner that nobody knows at my own wedding.
Well, I can tell you that I did NOT want to be “that guy,” or that groom rather… yet here I am. I feel like it's time to sink ever so slowly into the background of my own wedding.
But how will I be in the background at my own wedding?
I have intentionally kept my side of the guest list very short, so that we could afford the wedding we want to have. My future in-laws, however, keep adding people to the guest list on their own, to the point where my fiancée had to ask who some of these people even are! It is important for me to mention that I absolutely love my future in-laws, and I think most of this is coming from their excitement and the fact that they are very proud.
I should be honored, not annoyed.
But when your in-laws-to-be hijack your wedding plans, and then your wedding coordinator says “you, my friend, don't get a vote,” it really feels like it's time to take on that age-old groom position of “just tell me when to be there and how much to write the check for.”
Okay, so what to do about this situation and what have I learned?
First, talk to your partner openly and honestly about your concerns and how you are feeling.
I thought I had done that when I mentioned it on the car ride home from her parent’s house, but I definitely was not clear about it.
Secondly, Do NOT assume that your partner automatically agrees with whatever their parents decide.
I found out from talking to my fiancée openly (imagine that!) that she fully supports me and that it's very important to her that it is “our day.” She was also not cool with the wedding coordinator telling me that “I don’t get a vote.”
Advice for the partners of a frustrated spouse-to-be
I suggest that you make sure your other half knows that you support them as much as they support you and that you do value and appreciate their thoughts and input. Also, it is a lot easier for you to talk to your own parents, to try bring them back to healthy compromise, than it is for their future in-law.
Relationships are a partnership, and so obviously is marriage. So why shouldn’t the actual act of getting married also function like a partnership? It can set the tone of your future together to some extent as well.