Why I don’t really care about my wedding

Guest post by helloitsjess

We know that some of us throw a party where you happen to get married, and some of us don't. Some of us love the details, and some of don't. We talk a lot about wedding details… so what about those of us who don't care about them?

Whatever – Hard enamel lapel pin

I said from the beginning that I wanted a homegrown wedding — my fiancé, not being from the area I grew up in, has been amazing and understanding regarding that fact. The dress was the priority — it always has been. I fell in love with that gown before I’d fallen in love with a human. It’s a part of me. But apart from the location and the dress, the rest of the day has really not been a joy to plan.

You see, I’m running my own business, and I care more about my monthly invoices than which cheese we’ll be serving.

Yes, there are aspects that my fiancé and I have agreed on with excitement: the entertainment (Spotify playlist chosen by our guests); the hog roast, the tea corner (seriously, every wedding should have one). But those details have been easy to decide, they’ve made sense to us, and we probably would do something like that for any party.

I see my friends on social media, whose weddings are over a year away, who have already planned their place settings and flowers. One of them has an app on their phone that counts down the number of days to MY wedding. I’ve not done that… (80-something I think?)

I’ve said “yes” and “no” to suggestions. I’ve talked about my hen do with my bridesmaids. But the ideas haven’t flowed through me.

The thing is, the part I’m most looking forward to is after the wedding: the marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to wear that dress, and I am looking forward to the party, the food, and the people. But, at the end of the day, those are all things that I will also probably enjoy at, say, my 40th birthday party (including the dress — why not?).

But what seat coverings, what place settings, and what food is served, I really don't care. If it rains, the hog roast is burnt, and there’s a power cut, I won’t care.

I mean, it’s just one day out of a lifetime. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself about the details. When all I really care about is announcing my love and commitment to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Then we’ll carry on as normal, like we did the day before. And I'll keep sending out those bloody invoices.

Anyone else finding themselves not caring about details? What are you focusing on instead? Marriage? Vows? Honeymoon?

Comments on Why I don’t really care about my wedding

  1. Man I am so glad that I am not the only one who doesn’t care about the details! We are not looking forward to much of anything, except everyone going back to their respective states! We are ready to be married! But all the details have been such a drag and there is an awful lot of drama we are finding in planning the dang thing!

  2. Thanks for sharing this! I agree with a lot of what you said – I’m excited about having an excuse to have a big party with all of our friends, but as for invitations and centerpieces… I really don’t care. Maybe it’s because I’ve planned a lot of parties in the past, and worked in an industry where I got to make a lot of creative choices about fonts and decorations, but I don’t feel like my wedding is my ONE AND ONLY chance to do those things. Since we’re trying to spend as little money as possible, those things are easy to cut out. If I want to make a fancy centerpiece, I’ll do it next year, for a small dinner party (and only have to make one, not dozens!).

  3. When my Maid of Honor and my mom see that I have little interest in these details, I’m met with frustration, and treated like I’m an alien. It often seems as though they think I’m indifferent to the whole occasion. But this post sums it up so perfectly! I am excited to celebrate our marriage with my loved ones. But wedding planning is absolutely not on my list of enjoyable moments. Every decision I make, everything I want, don’t want, or simply don’t care about, is scrutinized.

    In the end, I’ve realized that the wedding is for my loved ones. I’m willing to deal with it all because I want my family to be as happy about the occasion as I am about marrying my guy. But the marriage is what is important to me, and that is just for us.

    • I’m in the same boat. The frustrating thing, though, is that it’s considered “normal” for my fiancé to not care about the details, but for me I’m treated like the devil. It’s a bit frustrating. I’ve also had to balance wanting to make a nice fun part for my guests (who are mostly coming from out of state) and not overwhelming myself w/ wedding planning details or saying yes to traditions that I really don’t want to follow.

    • This is also what I’m running into. Everyone seems to be excited about “planning the details” but me. I feel guilty that I react this way because people get so deflated over my non interest. I’m so glad my fiancé knows me well enough that he understands why. I am excited about *getting married* and starting our lives together. He gave me advice that put it into good perspective: the wedding planning is an event that my loved ones want to take part of. I should be sensitive not to take their joy over it. So, instead of reacting disinterested I look for ways to delegate (if they want to), or ask help (where needed). It’s been uneventful so far (whew).

  4. I love this! even though I would say that I am completely the girl who cares about all the details of my wedding, its over a year away and most of it is planned already and I am super excited. However, I am most definitely MORE excited for after the wedding. As much as I fantasize about the wedding day and the flowers and our fun details that we are adding, I also fantasize about our life together as husband and wife, I look forward to having my best friend with me everyday to make me laugh, having kids together, planning vacations, and buying a house. I even picture us hanging out when we are old and gray, he will probably be playing chess with someone while I sit and read a good book.

    I do sometimes feel silly for putting so much time and money into planning one day but then I realize that, as cliche as it sounds, its the first day of the rest of our lives together, so I want it to be wonderful 🙂

  5. I feel the exact same way! I don’t really care about most of it. Thankfully, I have a coworker who feels the same way, so it’s nice to know that I’m not all alone in my feelings.

    My preference was to get a cute dress, a photographer, and get married at the magistrate, but my MIL specifically asked me not to elope.

    I’ve decided to focus on the big things and now that I’m getting closer to the big day, I’m pretty much letting my maid of honor, and a cousin to make the rest of the decisions. I didn’t even pick out my save the dates or invitations! It’s keeping them happy and occupied, and I only worry about what few things I’ve deemed fun (mainly the ceremony and the music!)

  6. If I could [THIS!] every part of this post I would. El boy and I keep saying how excited everyone else is about our wedding, but we’re not that bothered. I mean, it’s going to be a fun party and I’m totally in love with the place we’re getting married AND the place we’re staying afterwards, but I don’t really care about the details. We’re not having place settings, we’re not doing a seating plan, there’s no wedding order paper thing, there aren’t even bouquets or any other flowers.

    We’re having a short ceremony, some drinks, then a meal with our closest friends and family, and then we’re going to dance for a bit and then we’re going on holiday 🙂

    • If I could [THIS!] every part of this post I would.

      You can! Sharing (on social media) is caring. 😛

  7. Just a quick heads-up that ‘the marriage’ link in the article isn’t working. 🙂

  8. “Then we’ll carry on as normal, like we did the day before. And I’ll keep sending out those bloody invoices.”

    Helloitsjess, you could be writing my life.

    I’m completely in the same boat. I run my family’s business, and my day-to-day insanity is more than enough to stress me out without having to worry about every single wedding detail.

    We’re having the wedding on my family’s land, which was a decision based on convenience, but happens to have a lot of meaning, too. I found a dress that’s cute and fits, bought it and took it home. I’ll marry the man I love, surrounded by family and friends, and anything extra that happens that day is awesome.

    I love feeling carefree about the wedding. What I didn’t expect is other people around me trying to make me feel bad about feeling carefree. “Why isn’t this ‘thing that I’ve decided is important’ not important to you?” “Why didn’t you involve me in ‘thing I should for some reason be a part of?'” “Why aren’t you doing ‘antiquated tradition’? Don’t you know you’re somehow hurting my feelings by not doing that?”

    *These people are not mine or my FH’s parents, who are all happy about our carefree approach to the wedding, but other family members who aren’t footing a bill or those that we have close relationships with.

  9. Thank you so much for the support! It was a bit of a risky leap writing this.

    Since writing it, I have mellowed a little. I’d like to add that I am SUPER grateful for the people around me who have cared about those details because, upon reflection, I am looking forward to seeing those touches the ones I love have brought to the day.

  10. I felt the same way before my wedding. And now that it’s over, I can firmly say that the “after” IS so much better. 🙂

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