Diamond as dick size #Fashion Advice#diamond ring#engagement ring#feeling competitive#ring Updated Oct 12 2015 (Posted May 29 2007) Ariel arielmstallings OMG, your lotus ring is like SO HUGE. My fiancé gave me an engagement ring that I absolutely love. It is a unique eco-friendly band accompanied by a nice rock which is really just icing on the cake and just that. What I really value is the artistic design of the band itself as no two designs are alike. When I shared my new engagement ring excitement with a girlfriend, I explained to her the artistic design/eco materials' significance of the ring. She interrupted and asked what size my rock was. Upon learning that I have a 1carat diamond, she then complained to her man for not getting her a diamond of such size. She appeared to have no interest in my story of the ring design itself and was only concerned with rock sizes. How do I politely school/check other people who are obviously unappreciative of art, eco-friendly design and are more concerned with what is on top? —Rebecca First, a slight caution: you're walking a delicate line when you call attention to something (in this case a ring) and then get frustrated when people don't admire it in the ways you want. You add an extra layer of complexity when you discuss the size of the diamond you supposedly don't care about. See, when you talk exact carats, you're getting into the dick-size game, whether you mean to or not. It's sort of like pulling down your pants and saying, "Oh that? My 10.75-inch-long penis? Ignore that — I'm trying to tell about you my scrotal piercing!" Many of us are conditioned to fixate on cock rock size, and when you provide an exact size measurement, you're not helping your "it doesn't matter to me!" cause. Related Post One-lowmanship and luxury shame: one more way you're supposed to feel bad about your stupid wedding I know from the our reader survey exactly how many of you are trying to plan economical weddings with budgets under $10k (or $5k… or... Read more So — the next time a friend asks you how big the diamond is, if you really don't care, just shrug and say "I don't actually know." Then get back to talking abut the artistry and eco-friendliness of the design. You're not only refusing to play the numbers game, you're also making it clear that it's of oh-so little importance to you that you don't even know the exact size — which will hopefully deflate some of the consumer lust from the situation. Ariel Author of three editions of the Offbeat Bride book and the brand-new From Shitshow To Afterglow, Ariel Meadow Stallings acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives in Seattle with her son, and if she's not reading or writing books, chances are good that she's dancing or happy-crying. To follow her latest work, join join The Afterglow, for exclusive access to essays, videos, online courses, and more. PREVIOUS Your wedding is not a contest NEXT Jessica & Jeffrey's guerilla wedding Show/Hide comments [ 105 ] OH MY GOD Ariel, could you not have warned us that the scrotal link contained an image? I don't even have balls, yet I'm feeling pain! LOL I think there's too much importance places on the size of rings instead of the significance. And not everyone even wants a ring, and some people really do want a small stone or plain band, for whatever reason. And these brides and grooms shouldn't be looked down on or it! My ring is a large white sapphire, and it always gets admired first for the size, then faces fall when I proudly say it's a white sapphire, not a diamond (costing a small fraction of the cost of an equivalent-size diamond is just icing, sapphires hold a special significance to me). I admit I don't want people thinking I'm sporting a bog ol' diamond, but it's also annoying to have it suddenly seem inferior for not being what was originally thought. How should I handle this? Reply Aria: OOPS! HA! Sorry about that. 🙂 Reply LOL, I mentally screamed, "Oh my god!" and my fiance came out of our bedroom asking if I called him. So I showed him, and he grabbed his crotch and winced. It was funny. I'm not offended, just woke my baby up once I got over the shock and started laughing after the pain from my non-existent sack stopped! Great site, and I hope to see my own wedding featured one of these days. After it happens in December anyway!! Reply I've always loved the super-intricate, filigree antique rings. I love diamonds…oooh sparkley! I'm way too picky about jewelry, too empathetic to admit that I hate something, and too self-conscious to wear something I hate for the sake of being polite. After several discussions about marriage, considering the above and that my boyfriend was climbing out of debt at the time, I bought my own ring! It's a lovely antique circa 1920's white gold filigree and diamond ring, solitaire less than .5c, with 2 teensy diamond chips flanking the solitaire. It's pretty tiny, but I have small hands. It also sparkles like, woah. It's exactly what I wanted. When it arrived I fawned over it a bit and gave it to him. I told him when he was ready, he wouldn't have to stress about that part. I wanted a proposal, but where the ring came from wasn't important to me. Mostly people fawn over how pretty it is. My people have all commented on how, "me" it is. No one has ever asked the size, but I wouldn't mind telling someone. The only lie I've told is that he picked/bought it for me. It's what most people we know think. Talk about snarkiness…I could have a $10,000 ring and random strangers knowing I paid for it would open a box that I don't think is anyone's damned business to look into. Reply I have no idea what size my diamonds are, I have no idea how much it cost and I have no care to find out. All I care about is the love that represents. My partner was serving over in Afghanistan and he had decided he wanted to propose to me when he got back. He managed to contact a jeweller in our hometown and had one designed from a few pictures he liked. I dont have a pokey out diamond that catches on everything. I have something that fits my personality, that was made for me from someone who loves me dearly. If it was made out of cubic zirconia it would still mean the same to me 🙂 Reply I have had difficulty with the ring issue. My lover wants to get me a ring that is at least a certain size because he feels he needs to proof his value to me. I insist that I don't really want one, and would probably lose it anyway. Currently, we have engagement laptops. I have had several 'fake' rings that I use to announce visually of our engagement. They have all cost less than $20, because I keep losing them. I am not really a jewelry person, and I use my hands a lot. People have commented on the size of the rocks in my fake jewelry, though. I let them oooh and ahhh with jealousy, then after they make a comment about how they wish they had one as nice as mine, I tell them the truth about it being fake. Reply I love the idea of wedding laptops! Reply Happily no one asked me the size of my diamond. I did notice that the people closest to me hugged me when I said I was engaged, but there were others who grabbed my hand for a closer look. Most people did both, but I paid attention to who did which first. It was interesting, hehe. Reply Anytime I hear someone commenting on the size of one's engagement ring, I tell them the story about my mother's ring. When my parents got engaged, they were poor and Dad couldn't afford to buy a big ring, so he got her a fairly modest diamond in a yellow gold band. After I was born, Dad surprised Mom with an "upgrade": he took her ring in and had a much larger diamond put in the setting. A few years ago, their house was broken into and her ring was stolen; Dad again went behind Mom's back and presented her with a new ring, complete with a rock big enough to sink the Titanic (all I can say is thank God they had insurance)! So when I had people question my engagement ring, which is actually a woven band of smaller diamonds, I not only tell them that I love my ring the way it is, but my parents (who still love each other and have been together for almost 30 years) are on Ring #3! Reply If my fiance took my ring and got the stone switched as a surprise, I'd kill him. My ring just as it is more sentimental and valuable to me than any other rock in the entire world. He gifted me the stone on Christmas before we had the money for the setting. A few days before Christmas he couldn't find a brown envelope, and then remembered cleaning up the area it was in, so we spent hours in the dumpsters at our old apartment looking for a brown envelope. So many envelopes look the same! He finally told me what was in it, and we quit looking, and then he found it minutes after we walked in the door. So when I opened the jewelry box he hid it in, I pretended it wasn't there just to try making him panic again. 🙂 So the stone in my ring, which is a white sapphire instead of a diamond, has more meaning to me because of the story behind it. Reply I feel like the rock/size obsession is an American thing, anyway. I do not like the ownership/dowry/down payment connotations engagement rings have (why else would only the woman get one?) so I wouldn't be caught dead in one. Either both get one or get none at all. Added bonus: puts an immediate end to the pissing contest re: stone size. Otherwise I have to agree with the answer in the article: you can hardly chastise people for engaging in a different kind of admiration than you had hoped for. The engagement ring ritual/travesty is mostly a financial arrangement, and the curiosity as to how much was invested kinda goes with that territory. Reply I got a ring and he got a fancy gaming PC…..true love people, true love. I think the ring issue is hilarious. It doesn't matter who I encounter, everyone has a long story and everyone wants to show it off. But I really do love the dick=diamond analogy! Reply I, too, decided against a traditional diamond ring mostly because it didn't suit my personality. I love my birthstone (amethyst) and wanted something simple that I would feel comfortable wearing every day. Like the previous poster, many people don't think it's an engagement ring, or when they hear I'm engaged, they glance at it and then don't say anything. But it's very special to me and that's what's most important. A diamond is just a very expensive rock, and if it means something to some people, then that's what they should have. Without the meaning behind it, no ring has any value. I have decided not to ask brides-to-be to see their rings anymore because I don't want others to think that I believe that's what I think is important about their engagement. I would rather talk about how exciting their engagement is and how the wedding plans are coming. If they show me their ring and expect a response, I will always say it is beautiful and that's it. It's beautiful to them, so my opinion doesn't really matter. Reply I love my ring and it's totally sentimental. The span of time between when we decided to get married and were actually leaving the courthouse legally wed was three weeks. We were both supposed to get cheapy plastic rings from the State Fair to wear until we could afford something else, but my husband insisted I get a "real ring" instead. So I picked out a sapphire solitaire (my birthstone) in a simple white gold setting, and he gave it to me for my birthday. (I don't have a separate wedding ring, since I wasn't technically engaged for a significant amount of time.) He was supposed to upgrade it at some point, but I'm so totally attached to it now that I wear the three-stone sapphire ring he gave me for our fourth anniversary on my right hand. Anyway, the combination of looking 10 years younger than I am and the simple sapphire solitaire ring, I'm guessing strangers assume I'm wearing a promise ring from my high school boyfriend. They probably don't jump to the conclusion that I've been married almost eight years and have started to check the "30-34" age box. Oh, well. Reply I really appreciate this post, and I've read it several times. My engagement ring is a small amethyst and I remember the excitement and then subsequent loud disappointment my family expressed when they saw it and its size. I love my ring not because of the size of the gem or the kind of gem, but because of its meaning and the story behind it(I'm very critical of the industry so a huge rock was not what I had in mind anyway). But talk about a way to make you feel self-conscious and critical of something you love so much, because of what it means to you. And I know it has made my fiance feel very guilty when people comment on my ring (in a very dick-size way). Thank you for this post, as a continuous reminder to those of us made to second guess our symbols of commitment. Reply In three pages of comments, in all this talk of conflict-free and Canadian and eco-friendly diamonds, not one commenter has pointed out that the MOST eco-friendly gemstone is a lab-created one. If you just looooove diamonds and won't settle for anything other than a real one, you don't have to give your money to environment-destroying or African-child-murdering companies: you can contribute to SCIENCE and get a 100% REAL diamond that in many cases is even MORE perfect than natural ones. Synthetic gems are often larger, clearer, AND cheaper than naturally-mined ones, and they're completely identical in chemical structure so nobody can try to tell you your stone is "fake". Go the REAL eco-friendly route, and buy synthetic! Reply Personal choice. Reply I know it is, I just think it's a great alternative for those of us seeking to stand by what we believe is right, and it gets ignored by so many people that I just had to say something! Reply There will always be people who ask nosy, intrusive, or rude questions. "How big is it?" and "How much was it?" are two of those questions. I find the best answer to give that suits my personality is to do an impression of Dr. Evil "One milllllllllyun dollars[carats]!". My bridal set, and my husband's wedding ring, are an heirloom set from my stepfather's family, and we love them. Small, delicate, simple. In contrast, my friend C's E-ring has a wide, thick gold band with a large square-cut diamond. 1) She's delighted with the artistry of the ring, and 2) it looks fabulous on her. What the hell else would I need to know about it? Reply Yup, e-rings were a form of collateral. If he didn't follow through, she had something of value. Also it was believed a man wouldn't buy something expensive if he wasn't truly serious. Reply I get that all the time. I dobt understand why the size of the diamonds matter. I have a sparkly diamond engagement ring which i love so much (because i like sparkly things) but i actually dont know what carat the diamonds are. I just liked the way it sparkled 🙂 but having said that, i would wear a cheezel as long as it came from my man Reply We did away with gems altogether and instead got carved rings in a symbol that meant something to us. Solved. Reply I avoided that game altogether by getting a big shiny amethyst. Sits atop a antique-inspired band design by kay jewelers. I wanted to use my own amethyst but we couldn't find any jeweler that did personal cuttings. I hate when I talk to people and they I have actually had people tell me its not a REAL wedding ring because its not a diamond. Of course I had to say in kindest way possible to go F*&^K themselves. And I guess you think its plastic? Grrrrr Anyway…I have had more positives from it than anything else. I've learned that even some of my closest friends were almost "afraid" to go against the grain and get a stone in a different color they liked because getting a diamond was "traditional" in their family's eyes. I feel like for one, it doesn't have to be an arms race to have the bigger and better…the thought and love behind it counts more than anything. And for second, I think it puts completely unrealistic pressure on guys to pony up tons of money so their women can win in size against everyone, even if the whole thing ends in divorce over it. I was just happy getting something purple, he wanted to go above and beyond and got me the band for it. I was just happy he spent the time and bonding with me to get it. That he truly wanted me to be happy with whatever I chose. Even though still, I wanted to have tattoo rings. =) lol Reply Hahaha! Yes! Personally I don't really want a big ring, I wouldn't care if it was a bit shitty by the norm standards, it's more about the gesture I think. However all my friends have big rocks and their boyfriends had to play oneupmanship with siblings/get Tiffanys/research cuts etc. I can see the look on their faces now trying to fake excitement when I turn up with something mega modest lol! Reply I have a solitare emerald cut ruby in white gold, with a white gold band. Rarely does anyone ask or look at it, accept me, and it clearly doesn't send enough of the wedding ring vibe. Been thinking about white topaz instead… Reply My hubs worked with some girls at a previous office (big cell phone company) and they did have a stone size thing going that was just nuts — note that this was before the financial crash. It took a LOT of convincing for him to really believe that I didn't want a diamond or a large stone at all! For the girls that want them, great, just not me. Anything that can snag is sooo not practical for the outdoorsy klutz! I actually get more compliments on my set than anything else, a sapphire in a wheat leaf setting. Its just a little bit different with the engraving that reflects the light, instead of small stones. Its also just plain practical for our active lifestyle (his ring is the same pattern on a larger band). Reply …Am I the only one who legitimately doesn't know what size the diamond is? I mean, my husband got me the ring with the style and look I wanted, I could care less what size the diamond is and what grade it is. My friends and family who looked at the ring would drool over the artistry and details I pointed out, and maybe because I don't know many shallow people, the only person who asked the size of the diamond was my overly competitive and materialistic sister. And I said "It's this size silly" and help up my hand. It's big enough that I can still gaze at my pretty ring while missing my husband, but small enough that I don't have to take it off to function. People need to grow up and just appreciate what they have and stop comparing it to everyone else. Reply I'd rather have a custom designed ring and smaller diamond for the same price. Something nice about a ring only YOU and your family will ever own. Reply Mine is a 1.5 carat white sapphire! I just wanted something sparkly to look at without sacrificing the overall quality. The stone was like $100 lol a diamond would have been I don't even know- too expensive! Reply Is it weird that really only lieke 2 people ever have asked actual size of my rock? (1.5 karats) they just exclaim how beautiful it is. Side note: while alot of people are eco friendly crazy I honestly don't care how eco friendly a ring is, if u started explaining ur ring like that to me i would probably have deflected by asking the size of the diamond too. Just sayin… Reply We got tattoos a few weeks after getting married, it's permanent as we feel our marriage is. He has a silver claddagh he wears when off work and I wear an Art Deco era ring and I love it (it looks like a delicate snowflake with hearts). We have a custom design for rings we want made eventually that are non traditional as well. His with my name in my ancient heritage script and an Irish phrase, mine with his birthstone set into a Maltese cross and a celtic knot band. Do what makes you happy and don't apologize. If you want a huge diamond, that's awesome- it makes you happy. If you don't, that's awesome- it makes you happy. If you want a simple band, that's awesome- it makes you happy. If you want a tattoo, that's awesome- it makes you happy. No ring at all? Awesome if you're happy. Reply I have this friend who said her ring can buy a house.I asked her how big it was and she said it's half a carat.I have waaaay bigger than that (tcw 6 and way beter in other aspects too) and I have another in a half a carat that's for daily wear and I never bragged to her about it but since she asked, I indulged her.She was quiet after that.Point is,don't brag about it in wrong ways (like she did).It's not the size of the rock-actually the bigger they are the more uncomfortable they are to wear.I'm planning to have that big hunk of rock split into 2 and made into rings for each of my daughters irregardless if they choose to get married in the future or not.I'm not into oneupsmanshipping but she totally asked for it! Reply I think everyone's ring has it's own story, and the most important thing is the man(or woman) who gave it to you. I have actually never had anyone ask the size of my ring- I didn't know until I had it appraised to get it insured- and I have since forgotten. It's pretty, I love it, and every time I look at it(or twirl it around when I'm in bed) it takes me right back to my fiancé down on one knee asking me to marry him. Thats what it's all about. Reply Lol oh no I am the worst. 1st engagement ring. Yes first. Was opal and amethyst, mine and fiances birthstones. A funky pattern. 2nd one was circles… Still opal and amethyst. 3rd was opal and diamond. 4th just straight diamond. Because me and soft minerals… Don't agree Reply As someone who has a very small (0.10ct) heirloom stone, I still get comments about its size. Things like "He obviously doesn't love you enough cause the stone is too small" and "That's way too small to be an engagement ring! Make him buy you something bigger!" and the hilarious "I would have said no to that tiny thing." But you know what? I love my rings. The stone was his grandmother's (she passed away before he and I met), and I followed tradition- his mother has an heirloom, my mother has an heirloom, and now I do. People will make comments, no matter what the size. Just move onto a new subject. It's not worth the frustration and cattiness from other people. Reply It's funny. My fiance got me this beautiful ring with tiny diamonds that are in a center square. It's perfect for me, but regularly I get the comment, "Let me see—oh, it's so delicate and different." Like somehow my diamonds aren't good enough because they don't meet a specific size. Reply Read more comments ‹ 1 2 Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Sign me up for your offbeat awesomeness newsletter! No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. 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