Commiseration for the depressed bride, because not everyone likes planning a wedding


Depression is not a choice shirt available from CouerCollective

Maybe you just got engaged and you're waiting for the flowers to start raining down from heaven, but not quite feeling it. Maybe you thought wedding planning would feel like a unicorn showing up and shooting glitter out of its butt, but instead you're barely able to get out of bed and there's no unicorns or glitter butts to be seen. Maybe instead of feeling happy about your engagement, you're feeling freaked out, bummed, or just plain ol' depressed.

I don't know what depressed bride needs to hear this today, but you're not alone.

For some folks, they've been planning their whole lives to get engaged. For other folks, while they are really looking forward to being married, they're not so much into the idea of planning the wedding. If you're a depressed bride, we're here to say that you're not alone. Here are some perspectives from other Offbeat Bride reader's who've found themselves depressed during wedding planning.

If you've struggled with depression before, old feelings may come back

I've been suffering from depression since I was a teenager. Good therapy and medication has really helped me and I am in a good place, but after 13 years of Effexor, I started to wean off. It's been three weeks without any medication now and boy…it has not been easy.

All sorts of "old" feelings of insecurity and feeling not good enough have started to come back. Plus the physical side effects aren't a picnic either. Even though I know I'm strong enough to beat this, it's hard. Planning our wedding gives me such joy but some days it creates a lot of stress. Will I look alright? Won't I look ugly/big/less than someone else? What if I take a look at the pictures and can't see past my flaws and insecurities?

I'm so lucky to have a wonderful fiancee… at the end of the – wedding – day it is all that matters is the two of you continuing your lives together as a couple! This has been and will continue to be my mantra. -Daphne

What's new & chic in cool wedding veils?
Black Rose and Veil Headpiece from NebulaXcrafts

Nope, not everyone is excited about being engaged.

My wedding is in less than a month and I’m more depressed than I have ever been in my entire life and it’s gotten hard to get up and face the world. Your wedding shouldn’t leave you feeling depressed, it suppose to be the best moment of your life, but literally, at this point, I regret even having gotten engaged. Like for what? All I want to do is elope and I can’t even do that but damn does that sound so much better than going through with this stupid wedding. I hate it because planning it has caused me so much depression and anxiety rather than excitement and joy.
Getting married isn’t about the flowers, lights, or the drapery, it’s about you and your fiancé solidifying your love through the establishment of an eternal bond. -Jackie

Seriously, you are not alone. Louder for the people in back:

For me, it's mostly been the 'you are not alone' that I need to hear again and again. Remembering that other people got through it one way or another is great, especially when there are so many people expressing their horror that I'm not all giddy and excited about the final planning.

"Well aren't you at least excited about…" No, I'm not. It's a giant pile of necessary items to check off a list. I'm excited to get to be married, but I was advocating for elopement and my partner wanted the big white wedding.

Knowing I can say these things, and not be the first to say them is extremely comforting. -Selena

What's new & chic in cool wedding veils?
Etoile Veil from What Katy Did Next

Even if you're not depressed, sometimes you just feel like you're not happy enough or something? That's normal, too!

The other day I was asked, "what part of the wedding are you most excited about?" I stared at them blankly.. and then said, "the 'it being over' part?" I really had no idea how to answer the damn question, and the asker looked totally disappointed. I tried to remind her that I'm not the type to get jumpy and excited about ANYthing (except if maybe a baby sloth fell into my lap), but apparently wedding-related stuff is supposed to turn you into a stereotype. -Jen C
Ultimately, our advice for depressed brides is the same for depressed humans: reach out to those who care about you, go to counseling if you can, see a doctor when needed, and seek crisis support if things get bleak.

…Also, some of these posts may help:

  1. I wasn't depressed when I got engaged, but I was anxious, frustrated, and stressed out because I did not want a wedding and was very resentful that I had to basically single-handedly plan an event I had no desire to participate in. The funny thing is that years after our wedding, my husband now agrees that we should not have had a wedding and just gone to city hall like I had wanted to do. I cannot stress enough to people that your wedding should be something YOU want to do and the only thing you should be concerned with is making yourself and your partner happy. It shouldn't be about what is expected of you or what will make your family happy.

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