What is a collaring ceremony?
While collaring ceremonies will vary greatly depending on the folks involved, generally speaking, a collaring ceremony is a symbolic gathering to celebrate and honor a commitment between partners within the kink community.
The symbols and structure of a collaring ceremony can resemble a wedding because they often include jewelry and vows — but instead of a ring being slid onto fingers as a symbol the commitment, in a collaring ceremony, folks will sometimes place a collar around the neck of submissive.
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Like a ring in a traditional wedding, the collar acts as a physical representation of the emotional, physical, and spiritual bond between a Dominant and their submissive partner or partners.
Yes, we said partners. Collaring ceremonies aren't necessarily just a couple — they can include multiple partners who have chosen to commit to a polyamorous relationship. And of course the gender roles involved are completely fluid. (The Dominant may identify as a woman, man, or all of the above! The submissive(s) may identify as male, female, or none of the above!)
Clearly, collaring ceremonies are completely deeply nontraditional — they can be polyamorous and gender non-binary. There are no rules to follow, and every collaring ceremony will unique to the folks taking part. Those planning the ceremonies can the ceremony to be whatever works best for them!
That said, if you're looking for some inspiration, here's one collaring ceremony script to inspire you:
Our collaring ceremony script
This is sort of a collaring ceremony as a wedding. It will also be a polyamorous focused ceremony (with our spouses giving us away — in a manner of speaking). So, this is the draft for my vanilla, polyamorous, collaring ceremony…
Exodus 21:5 “But if the slave declares ‘I love my master, and my wife and children: I do not wish to go free' his master shall take him before G-d. He shall be brought to the door or the doorpost, and his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall then remain his slave for life.”Dominant: Today we are here to formalize our commitment to each other, but in doing so we must acknowledge its place amongst the other commitments of our lives. I am asking you to commit yourself to me and make me one of the highest priorities in your life, but your children and your marriage must always come first. Do you accept these terms?
submissive: I accept.
Dominant: And I am promising you that I am committing myself to you and making you one of the highest priorities in my life, second only to my children and my marriage. Do you accept this promise?
submissive: I accept.
Genesis 16:7 An Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the road to Shur, and said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?” And she said “I am running away from my mistress, Sarai.” And the angel of the Lord said to her “Go back to your mistress and submit to her domination.”
Dominant: Today I offer you a collar and with it my love. I will [insert vows here].
In return I ask that you [insert requests here]
Do you accept my collar?
submissive: I accept.
submissive: Today I offer you the key and with it my loyalty. I will [insert vows here]
In return I ask that you [insert requests here]
Do you accept my key?
Dominant: I accept.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one; because they have good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Dominant: In binding ourselves to each other, we recognize that we are not merely making a commitment between two individuals. Each of us have families of our own and, as we intertwine our lives, so too do we intertwine theirs. In recognition of this, we now invite our spouses to speak.
[His wife reads something or gives a toast.]
[My husband reads something or gives a toast.]
Dominant: Talmudic law requires that any legal contract or act of acquisition be concluded through an act of kinyan. For the acquisition of a person, the deal may be sealed by having the individual perform chazakah — an act of service for their new master. Let us now seal this contract.
[He carries me into the building]
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