My Offbeat Partner: Rowly, History professor
Location & date of wedding: The Woods at Wihakowi a local camp and retreat center, Northfield, Vermont — June 21, 2008.
What made our wedding offbeat: This was a second wedding for us both, so we had family members to think about, our kids and new friends to fit in. We thought about what we wanted and realized that since we'd both done the big traditional wedding before, neither of us want that AGAIN, and it wasn't who we were as a couple. We had a small budget and decided early on to cut our guest list in half. This was painful on one hand, knowing that we couldn't invite every single person we wanted to, but on the other hand it was a relief. We were able to invite those who were truly part of our everyday life.
Since both our families were from out of state, we searched for a place where we could be together for a weekend. We wanted more of an experience than just a few hours of the traditional ceremony, food and dancing. We lucked out finding the Woods at Wihakowi, which is about 5 miles from our own house. It was small enough that we could take it over for the weekend but had enough space (36 acres!) that everyone could spread out.
Our ceremony was in an outdoor amphitheater that was very casual and rustic. We had the ceremony at 1 pm and then gave guests the “run” of the Woods. They could enjoy swimming, hiking, fishing, badminton and all kinds of sports, or just take a nap. We then called everyone back together for a BBQ at 6 pm which transitioned into bonfire at night. We asked a friend of ours to be “bunkhouse dad” and he gladly stayed with all the kids to add to the experience for them.
The ceremony was a lovely, very important, 45 minutes of a great weekend. We incorporated our two best people who each read a poem and our co-officiants were each of our best friends, who'd never met. They were perfect. We wrote the ceremony ourselves, and all our own vows. We used the hand fasting part, with a cord we've woven ourselves, to make vows to the larger community and our commitment to the world.
We incorporated our daughters after the exchanging our rings. Katherine and Grace were invited up, we all held hands in a circle and Todd talked about how we were now a family and then Rowly and I gave them each a necklace with a ring on it as a symbol of our commitment to them.
Instead of a big bridal party, we each picked a ‘best person' and Rowly bucked tradition and had a female friend, Nicole, as his. We then had six flower girls who we knew would be adorable and provide moments of joy and hilarity. And they did throughout the weekend, including making us a lovely banner and booklet.
We also asked people for song requests and incorporated them into our playlists. It turned out not to be a dancing reception at all, save the kids rocking down to Miley Cirus, but it was nice to hear the music and everyone's requests.
The flags across the amphitheater were words sent to us from family and friends. We sent out an e-mail asking for their favorite word or phrase and then cut up some sheets and wrote them. We got a wonderful variety and I know some of the words caused some discussion during the ceremony!
Our biggest challenge: Money! We had a budget of $3,000 and so we had to prioritize what was important to us. In the end that proved to be a good thing. More than 2/3 of the budget went to weekend accommodations and food. We decided early on to not serve alcohol at the wedding for a several reasons, one of which was cost.
In the end we were able to have a great rehearsal dinner (homemade pizza), a reception BBQ with locally produced and grown food, and a farewell breakfast with yummy homemade muffins and pancakes. We were also able to stay ourselves for the weekend and be with everyone. That was more important than serving everyone beer.
Rowly gave me an iPod as a gift and we used that for the music. For the flowers I decided to just pick whatever flowers were available in my garden or elsewhere. In fact, my best friend and co-officiant, Christina, had a wonderful time driving on dirt roads looking for a patch of daisies that a work colleague had told me about.
My mom made my dress and bought the materials. I splurged on Mary Jane crocs for myself, but have worn them nearly everyday since the wedding! Rowly wore a polo shirt and khaki shorts (dressing up for him!) that cost a total of $20 and I gave him new running sneakers as his wedding gift.
We were able to have a good friend come take pictures for the weekend and be with us. She graciously accepted a fraction of the fee a ‘professional' would have.
It was great to be creative and prioritize. It made the wedding truly ours.
My favorite moment: I have two. One is walking in, holding my daughter, Grace's hand. I had a feeling of “oh wow, this is real” as I glanced at those gathered and walked towards Rowly.
The other was during the ceremony when Rowly was reading his vows to me. He was saying all these wonderful things about why he loved me. He came to a part where he talked about how I reminded me of his mother and how he wished she could be there (she has Alzheimer's). And his voice broke and his eyes filled. I know some women wouldn't want their groom to compare them to his mother, but Rowly is different. He has unbelievable respect for women in general and his mother in particular. It was the highest compliment I felt he could have given me and I felt blown away. Plus, he'd said so many other lovely things, too!
Also the moments when we took our vows and did our hand fasting, I spoke in a loud clear voice because I really felt the vows inside. It was powerful for me.
Later during the BBQ, we had an ‘open mic' for toasts and I was amazed at how many people got up, even normally reserved people (including me!) to share stories, wishes and observations. It was really intimate and showed to me how comfortable everyone was and how casual we made the atmosphere.
My advice for other offbeat brides: I spent lots of time on OffbeatBride.com, read the Offbeat Bride book and on the tribe. I never looked at a bridal magazine. I realized that to make the wedding what we wanted, was to take stock of who we really are. Rowly would have looked handsome in a tux, but that didn't reflect who he is. His polo shirt, khaki shorts and a brand new spanking pair of running shoes were him.
Once we really looked at who we were and what we were comfortable with, it seemed a bit easy from there. We did have some things, like a hand fasting, where we'd wonder what family would think, but we didn't think about scaring everyone.
Know who you are and find ways to show that!
Care to share a few vendors:
Photographer: Amy J. Putnam, www.ajputnam.com
Enough talk, show me the wedding porn!