All weddings are awesome — not just mine

Guest post by Sabrina
Thanks to Tom Couture for submitting this photo.
Thanks to Tom Couture for submitting this photo.

I am confused.

I am confused by the attitude that surrounds weddings and costs and ideas and things. Maybe that's what makes me offbeat — I have this habit of loving everyone and being insanely optimisic even when it's probably not warranted. I give second chances. I love and trust until given reason not to. Every new person I meet, and can carry at least a five minute conversation, I say is my new best friend. I write a daily blog about something happy that happened to me that day.

My problem lies in all the intense bitchiness that lives in the wedding world. “My wedding is better than yours because of such-and-such” and all of the things that go into such a feeling.

I was reading a blog where a woman commented that she had a courtroom wedding and blames opulent weddings for the high divorce rate.

Then there are the haters on both sides of the world. My wedding (and marriage) are better than yours because I chose to have a BBQ instead of a five course sit down meal. [At Offbeat Bride, we call this “one-lowsmanship” -Eds] My wedding (and marriage) are better than yours because I paid for three party rooms and the ghost of Louis Armstrong to sing our first song.

Can we all just chill the fuck out and be nice to each other for like… five and a half seconds?

If I was rich, I can't say that I wouldn't spend $50,000 on a wedding. I'd like to say I wouldn't, but ideas change when disposable income does. My beautiful made of honor will be in our less-than-$10,000 celebration and was recently the maid of honor at a $50,000 celebration. They did the whole spiel: Catholic mass ceremony in a church with friends, family, family friends, parent's business friends, people they've never known, country club, five course sit-down meal, uplighting, etc., etc. And you know what?

That wedding? … Absolutely beautiful.

The couple has been together for nearly ten years, and they earned every second of that celebration. Just because they did things differently than me doesn't make them any better or worse. It's just different.

We're all awesome, beautiful, wonderful brides planning celebrations. We're not all that different — we're just throwing different parties.

The wedding industrial complex that tells us we need to lose weight, invite people we hate, and buybuybuybuybuy is slightly evil, yes. But it's not all evil, and the women who don't read Offbeat Bride are brides too. We all are. We're all awesome, beautiful, wonderful brides planning celebrations. There are bad apples in every bunch but mostly, we're not all that different — we're just throwing different parties.

So I guess my issue is that everyone on every spectrum needs to realize that we can all get along. I promise. We really can. I love your wedding. Whoever you are. I love it. Whether it had all the bells and whistles or was private vows at the top of a mountain. Whether it had a DJ or an iPod. Whether it cost $200 or $200,000. It's one of most beautiful days in the history of ever. We don't need to be subtracting from other people's celebrations to help make ourselves feel better. We can appreciate everything even if it's nothing we would ever do in a million years.

The girl with the big poofy dress, the fancy dinner, the expensive wine, the 14 bridesmaids? That's not me. But you know what? Her wedding is going to kick just as much ass as mine will because that's her celebration. If you can stand in that ceremony and say that the person across from you is the person that you're supposed to be across from on your wedding day — then nothing else matters.

Comments on All weddings are awesome — not just mine

  1. Love it. My wedding (my fanfuckingtastic, snort) is in 17 days. I am so over planning, over vendors, over this, over that, over mine is better, do this it’s better. Who cares right?

  2. Awesome! All of our relationships are unique and reflect the reality of our lives. None are better or worse than any other. Our wedding should be seen as the same, a reflection of our love and a celebration of our commitment and whatever that means to us.

  3. This post, and OBB in general, has made me a better person I think. I was snarky in the past because I felt like that’s what everyone was like so therefore I should be also. Now that I know that all weddings are not created equal and that we can all just try to be happy for one another, I am so much more supportive of everyone else’s life (and wedding) choices, whatever they may be.
    Thank you Sabrina!!!

  4. As someone who is having both a catholic ceremony and uplighting thank you. I think sometimes in trying to embrace the offbeat we sometimes just end up insulting the traditional instead. I can’t even name the number of times I’ve read a post from a tribe member who went to a more mainstream wedding and described it as being bland or unimaginative. Thank you for addressing this.

    • This is a perennial issue I’ve seen with new Offbeat Bride readers for many, many years. Folks get engaged, get freaked out and reactionary (“TRADITIONAL SUCKS!”), find Offbeat Bride, and then slowly realize oh wait, we’re all just doing our best to be authentic here, and eventually calm the fuck down. It’s a process of acculturation that new Offbeat Bride readers are constantly going through.

  5. It’s the whole mentality of everything needing to be a competition and lots of people feeling entitled to certain things. It’s awful that it falls into the weddings world too — I read wedding blogs not because I am anywhere near close to getting married but because I love love LOVE seeing how creative and wonderful people are about their special day!

  6. YES. One-lowmanship. I just dealt with a co-worker who overheard me talking about wedding drama with one of my bridesmaids, and proceeded to say that my wedding would be the least important day of my life. (I think she was trying to compare it to childbirth or something). She is all about the one-lowmanship, since she had a random JP wedding in workout clothes for her second marriage. Hey, I get it, that’s great for you, but if I want to spend my hard-earned money on my own kick-ass party, BACK THE FUCK OFF AND STOP JUDGING ME.

  7. What a great message. I pinned this post and got 77 repins. (which I hope is OK with OBB) I am so pleased that the message will be spread.. or they just like the cover picture 🙂 which is pretty cool.

  8. I think I love weddings the most…when they TRULY reflect the couple. No matter what. 🙂 I’ve seen way too many folks just doing something to *please* someone else…kudos to all those that celebrate. Big and small. I love it all.

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