All weddings are awesome — not just mine

Guest post by Sabrina
Thanks to Tom Couture for submitting this photo.
Thanks to Tom Couture for submitting this photo.

I am confused.

I am confused by the attitude that surrounds weddings and costs and ideas and things. Maybe that's what makes me offbeat — I have this habit of loving everyone and being insanely optimisic even when it's probably not warranted. I give second chances. I love and trust until given reason not to. Every new person I meet, and can carry at least a five minute conversation, I say is my new best friend. I write a daily blog about something happy that happened to me that day.

My problem lies in all the intense bitchiness that lives in the wedding world. “My wedding is better than yours because of such-and-such” and all of the things that go into such a feeling.

I was reading a blog where a woman commented that she had a courtroom wedding and blames opulent weddings for the high divorce rate.

Then there are the haters on both sides of the world. My wedding (and marriage) are better than yours because I chose to have a BBQ instead of a five course sit down meal. [At Offbeat Bride, we call this “one-lowsmanship” -Eds] My wedding (and marriage) are better than yours because I paid for three party rooms and the ghost of Louis Armstrong to sing our first song.

Can we all just chill the fuck out and be nice to each other for like… five and a half seconds?

If I was rich, I can't say that I wouldn't spend $50,000 on a wedding. I'd like to say I wouldn't, but ideas change when disposable income does. My beautiful made of honor will be in our less-than-$10,000 celebration and was recently the maid of honor at a $50,000 celebration. They did the whole spiel: Catholic mass ceremony in a church with friends, family, family friends, parent's business friends, people they've never known, country club, five course sit-down meal, uplighting, etc., etc. And you know what?

That wedding? … Absolutely beautiful.

The couple has been together for nearly ten years, and they earned every second of that celebration. Just because they did things differently than me doesn't make them any better or worse. It's just different.

We're all awesome, beautiful, wonderful brides planning celebrations. We're not all that different — we're just throwing different parties.

The wedding industrial complex that tells us we need to lose weight, invite people we hate, and buybuybuybuybuy is slightly evil, yes. But it's not all evil, and the women who don't read Offbeat Bride are brides too. We all are. We're all awesome, beautiful, wonderful brides planning celebrations. There are bad apples in every bunch but mostly, we're not all that different — we're just throwing different parties.

So I guess my issue is that everyone on every spectrum needs to realize that we can all get along. I promise. We really can. I love your wedding. Whoever you are. I love it. Whether it had all the bells and whistles or was private vows at the top of a mountain. Whether it had a DJ or an iPod. Whether it cost $200 or $200,000. It's one of most beautiful days in the history of ever. We don't need to be subtracting from other people's celebrations to help make ourselves feel better. We can appreciate everything even if it's nothing we would ever do in a million years.

The girl with the big poofy dress, the fancy dinner, the expensive wine, the 14 bridesmaids? That's not me. But you know what? Her wedding is going to kick just as much ass as mine will because that's her celebration. If you can stand in that ceremony and say that the person across from you is the person that you're supposed to be across from on your wedding day — then nothing else matters.

Comments on All weddings are awesome — not just mine

  1. Word! I have this exact thought alla the time. All weddings are beautiful in the way that all babies are beautiful, because they are born of love. What’s not beautiful about that?

  2. Love it! My fiance’s cousin is getting married 2 weeks before us and wanted to know if it was OK because she didn’t want to steal my “thunder” and wasn’t having a big wedding anyway. My response: More weddings = more fun and more happiness! We’ll each do what works for us and there will be joy, love, and YAY!

    • My fiance and I are calling this year the Year of Weddings, because ours is in June, there’s another one in September that we’re both in, another one two weeks before that that he’s in, and a fourth one sometime late-August that we’ll be invited to. And two other couples we’re close with are recently engaged and planning weddings for 2014.

      Some people think this sounds stressful, and I guess it is, but also? What the hell could be more awesome than a fucking Year of Weddings? Bring it on, love! We’re ready!

  3. My only thoughts to counter this is what I’ve learned from Offbeat Bride–that if YOU are in love with your wedding–if it represents you as a person and you and your beloved as a couple–if you made decisions based on what reflects you and not what a magazine told you you HAD to have in order to be a bride or for your day to be a wedding, then your wedding is awesome. To me, anyway. If you love it and stand behind it, then screw everyone else’s feelings about how much you spent (too much! too little!), whether or not it was too WIC or not WIC enough, etc.

    But if you planned a wedding that wasn’t you (by your own fault or by pressure from someone else), well then–that’s a pity, especially if you get done with it and are left feeling like, “this wedding just wasn’t ME (or US).”

    • Agreed. If you can afford to spend a lot on your wedding, and want to, then why not? It just bothers me to think of all the couples that feel pressured to do things they may not want to or cannot truly afford.

  4. What a wonderfully positive post! Thanks for the ray of sunshine today, Sabrina.

  5. Sing it Sister! Great post

    I get all leaky over every blog post, they ARE all so beautiful & unique-snowflake in their own way. Of all the things I hope I can “copy” for my own wedding, it’s the looks of joy & complete peacefulness on each couple’s face. They are in the exact right time & place, & it comes right thru the screen.

  6. So glad you posted this! I was feeling so down on myself today because a potential (well they don’t have potential anymore) caterer balked at my reception food budget. For a few minutes I was thinking, “I suck because I’m poor.” This article reminded me that my wedding isn’t about bacon wrapped shrimp and crab stuffed mushrooms. It’s about love, dammit. And if my guests are going to be munching on cake and baby carrots for the reception, it will be fine. (Also, there will be beer.) Great post.

  7. “…[not]any better or worse. It’s just different.”

    If more people applied this to so many things in life, we’d all be so much happier people. Well done 🙂

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