Ack: my fiance saw me in my wedding dress

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I went shopping for a dress with my mother, and we took photos of the dress I loved the most. Back at my mum's house, we looked at the pictures on the computer. Later that day, my fiance got on the computer and I realised too late that my mum hadn't closed the photo program. I was quick enough to cover the screen and close the program, but I know he caught a glance. What do I do?

Do I abandon this one on superstitious grounds and find something else? Or does the fact that the dress was 4 sizes too big, and that it will have a lot of adjustments to the length mean it doesn't matter?


Donna, it absolutely 100% does not matter. Keep the dress.

Superstitions mean different things to different people, but this particular one isn't worth losing sleep over. The idea behind the groom not seeing your dress is that he'll sees you in a new, special light on your wedding day, right? That because he's never seen this dress, he's inspired and blown over by your bridal beauty. But here's the thing: YOUR GROOM DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOUR DRESS.

Now, I'm not saying men don't care about fashion or that guys don't like gowns, because some of them absolutely do. But most of us, whether male OR female, don't look at our beloveds and see their clothing first. We look at their face. We breath in that special yummy smell that only they seem to have. We touch their skin and smile back at them. We soak up their essence.

Sure: if your beloved is wearing something fancy, you'll appreciate it. Something fancy and new? Novel! But when you're committing yourself to someone, the focus of your attention isn't on their dress. It isn't even on beauty. When you see your partner on your wedding day, you brim over with love and excitement and joy. There's a moment of “Oh my goodness look at you,” but that's there regardless of whether he's seen some .jpg of you in a dress that bears some resemblance to what you're wearing on your wedding day.

All this is to say, don't lose one minute of rest over this issue. Keep the dress, and go smell your sweetie.

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Comments on Ack: my fiance saw me in my wedding dress

    • My fiance hasn't seen my dress yet, but he came very close to seeing a picture of me in it on my phone. I got a little angsty and I explained that it wasn't because I'm supestitious (i'm really not) but that I want him to be surprised and blown away and all those things. He looked at me and laughed and said "do you think if i see you walking down the aisle in a dress I've seen you try on, I'm going to go 'Ugh, she's wearing that old thing?'"

      He's a smart cookie, my man.

  1. My fiance and I went shopping for a dress together last weekend! Rather than worrying if he saw it, you should ask him if he liked it.

  2. more than a dozen people i know are getting married in the next 2 years. sanity has been in short supply in these parts. so thanks for battling the hysteria. it means a lot more than you might know.

  3. I had no qualms showing my guy pictures of me in the dress I tried on, then in the one I got and finally he came with to the final fitting.

    If anything to me it made more sense for him to know this thing that I just spent a good deal of money on (not even close to as much as some other brides but still a lot for me) instead of leaving him completely in the dark.

  4. once i narrowed it down to a few dresses, i brought my fiance to help me choose. he helped me realize which one i was happiest in and ended up with a dress i absolutely love.

  5. My fiance caught a glimpse of my dress hanging up. I decided not to worry about it. It’s not like he saw you in it in the flesh. And even if he had, do you really think that will make or break your marriage? Really?

  6. unless he works in fashion/costume/design he might remember the colour and if it was long or short – the rest won’t stick in his head I bet.

    If it’s the right dress, it’s the right dress (whether he caught a peek or not)!

  7. I was so excited after I bought my dress, I put it back on the minute I got home and pranced around the house like a swan princess (can you tell I was really happy with it?)

    And yet, when ‘dude first saw me come down the stairs from the bridal room, he was completely blown away. We were both glowing. It was magical, not because of the beautiful dress, but because of beautiful him and beautiful me and what we were about to do.

  8. thanks everyone!
    aw, i know the dress isn’t the most important thing, i just have a habit of being overly superstitious.. which is stupid really because i’m trying not to stick to conventions here!
    i actually wanted him to come with me, but his mum wouldn’t let him.
    haha, when he saw the photo he said “all i saw was a white blob”.. !!! but then he re-phrased and said he meant that he didn’t see it clearly enough to spoil it.
    anyway, yes, you’re all right. it doesn’t matter at all. thanks for your comments!

  9. Lovely advice, Ariel. Absolutely perfect.

    Now I’m off to smell my snuggle bear…

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