I promise not to let being the center of attention go to my head: My vows for wedding planning #Philosophizing#body image#perspective#take-a-break June 4 | Guest post by Brigitte Fires Wedding planning getting you down or feeling overwhelming? You might to exchange these wedding planning vows with Offbeat Bride Brigitte. What does a bathtub have to do with wedding planning vows? You'll see… (Photo by Whitney Lee) I promise not to let being the center of attention go to my head. This is a celebration of our love and our commitment to each other, and because of that it is Our Day not My Day. I promise not to let Other People get me down about the decisions my partner and I have made. I promise not to hold anger toward my partner as if he is "making" me do any of this myself. If I choose to open 200+ tabs with Save the Date designs and crash my computer, rather than pinning them, or figuring out a way to narrow my choices, by all means that is my own decision. Certainly, if after all that I need a drink, I can but ask nicely and not as if he owes me one. I promise to accept the fact that my seemingly-hetero-normative marriage will draw out all kinds of misogynistic, sexist, overly-traditional, and downright stupid comments from people about The Way Things Are Done. I will try to re-direct and re-frame these ideas with as much grace as I can muster in such a way as to not alienate my community, but also to use that position of privilege to better my community whenever possible by telling people where they can stick their gender roles. I mean… *sigh* by gently reminding people that not everyone subscribes to the same set of beliefs or traditions. I promise to understand that it is not my responsibility to be the light in the dark of a bleak situation. Just because people want to talk about my wedding to distract themselves from the reality of watching their loved one barrel toward death does not mean I HAVE to talk about my wedding to lighten the mood. I promise to understand that if I do choose to open up about wedding planning I am opening myself up to conversations I don't want to have, and that I am allowed to re-direct to other topics. I also promise to understand that if I choose not to talk about the details of my wedding, I am going to have to be the one to find something pleasant and light to talk about instead. And I promise not to feel guilty myself or allow my partner to feel guilty about being excited for our wedding even as his dad lies on his deathbed. Because life is full of joys and sorrows, and usually at the same time. Related Post It isn't all sunshine and unicorns: Reconciling my wedding expectations with my likely wedding realities In which a Tribe member lines up her great wedding day expectations, along with the crushing reality of the likely wedding day scenario, and realizes... Read more I promise to love my body, and to let my partner tell me how beautiful I look in my wedding dress. I also promise not to compromise my choice of dress out of a misguided sense of worthlessness due to my rolls or double chin. I promise to stop trying to get out of hiring a photographer "because it's too expensive" just because I'm embarrassed to be seen in pictures. Instead I will hire a photographer who is skilled at making my fabulous voluptuousness look as beautiful as I feel when I see myself through my partner's eyes. And I will work to see the image of me that he sees when his eyes light up to see me awake every morning. I promise to take a break from wedding stuff when I need to, and to lean on my community more than I am generally comfortable doing. I will work with my partner to find a balance between my overpowering "need" for self-sufficiency, and his overwhelming "need" to crowdsource every activity. I promise to be gentle with myself when not finding that balance feels like failure, and to remind myself that it is a work in progress. Finally, I promise to enjoy my partner as much and as often as possible. I promise to touch his butt more, and to kiss his face even when his mustache is full of water. I promise to love on myself as much as possible, masturbate as often as I want to, and soak in the hot tub whenever I feel like it. Even — no, ESPECIALLY if it's drizzling outside. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Brigitte Fires Brigitte is an ineffable creature who enjoys unraveling the mysteries of life. B likes philosophizing about such topics as social justice & the zombie apocalypse, comparing local beers & grape-free wines, and napping as often as possible. PREVIOUS These two grooms bring new meaning to dapper finery NEXT Kat & Earl's handmade movie geek Disney-inspired wedding Show/Hide comments [ 15 ] Thank you! I feel so overwhelmed at the moment with everything that "needs" to get done and I'm forgetting every detail that needs to be included. I needed this. 6 agree Reply This made me feel 10000x better about basically everything. 11 agree Reply "If I choose to open 200+ tabs with Save the Date designs and crash my computer, rather than pinning them, or figuring out a way to narrow my choices, by all means that is my own decision." I needed that right now! Thanks. 8 agree Reply I literally wrote this because I had just crashed my computer and was fuming that he was working behind a bar making money to pay for our wedding instead of home making me cocktails when I had just spent 3 hours tediously scrolling through multiple websites and opening tabs for a better view of the ones that looked like they might be nice. You know, like I always do when I'm shopping online. And then I took a deep breath and got the tabs back open because "Restore Previous Session" exists AND only loads the tabs one at a time when you click on them. And pinned the ones I liked so that I didn't load 244 tabs again. So, learn from my fail! Get the Pinterest button and pin those puppies!!! I'm making a point to re-read these regularly whenever I get frustrated or upset at the stress of it all. And the mister has REALLY appreciated all the extra butt-touches he's getting ;)! 3 agree Reply Funny thing… I'm the girl in the photo (totaly touched by the way!) and this entire artical was what my company was founded on. Chelsea District Ltd. Co. top 5 dreams make it on off beat bride and spread our 10 commandments of wedding planning (8 of which you nailed). GREAT JOB Bridget! Thanks for making one of our deams come true the month we closed shop. I am so happy. 4 agree Reply OMG! I've been waiting and waiting and waiting to use that photo for the perfect post. And BOOM, once a bathtub was mentioned I was like "yay!" It was kismet. 😉 3 agree Reply Great post! Wish I had seen this several months ago when we were planning our wedding! Although must admit, I'd try to be most of what you mentioned. Thanks for this great post. A must read for anyone currently or about to plan their special day! 1 agrees Reply Great post! I'm basically like this anyway — it's usually hard to rattle me — but the stress of wedding planning is definitely getting to me. I needed to hear from "someone else" that it's OK to take a break from wedding planning and just be Heather. I also love the "I vow to love my body" part. I'm a voluptuous bride as well, and my gown (to my complete shock) is strapless, so I have the back fat going when I wear it. That is the ONLY thing I think I'll be self-conscious about. I have the flabby arms that keep waving for a couple minutes after my arm stops moving, but that doesn't bother me. It never has. But the back fat? Yeesh. So I'm going to keep repeating this one to myself as often as I have to: love me, love my back fat. It's not going away, and I'm fine with that. And hell, even some skinny girls get the back fat with a corset-back (!!) strapless gown. So … thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. 2 agree Reply I don't know if this is too late but, if you are genuinely worried on back fat there are better undergarments avalible for us curvy ladies and our dresses but you have to know where to go and you will spend bit but it can be minimized. The items sold at chain bridal stores are not built for real ladies. Depending on your city look for an old school bra shop that specializes in hanging your girls high. They also know or make custom bras at the kinds of places (to give you an idea of what to look for). ALSO avoid plastic bone-ing in your undergarment it will not support us and 99% of strapless bras are made of it. You'll most likely need steel boned corsetry… Don't be scared it's the best support you've ever felt and your back aches less from the weight of the ladies. And it's a lovely bonus for the wedding night!! ;0) 2 agree Reply I'm a high-stress, anxiety-induced-insomnia kind of person. So even though bedtime isn't until 2am some nights, I try not to do serious wedding stuff after 10pm. I won't even discuss it at all if I'm feeling like I'm headed for a sleepless night. So yes, I can attest that taking a break and being Me and Us for a while is really good. In fact, we have a Date this Thursday that is absolutely, positively, NO WEDDING TALK ALLOWED. Just lots of sushi and hand cuddles, damnit. Reply Love, everyone (especially the skinny girls!) gets back fat. It's a hazard of the strapless gown thing. Hell, even catalogue models have it; that's why they pay so much to pose, tape, and photoshop them. Means you're normal 🙂 Reply Remember, it's not back fat — IT'S THE VENUS FOLD! http://offbeatbride.com/back-cleavage Reply I pretty much live by EVERYTHING on this list! It is really nice to see someone else putting the same vibes out there. 1 agrees Reply Amen! 1 agrees Reply The third one about having a million tabs is so, so perfect and accurate. 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