Offbeat Bride

For alt-brides, wedding planning offers a non-stop stream of WTF moments, from cringe-worthy articles to heinous wedding supplies to traditions that make you want to start cutting yourself. Here, we document the worst of the worst.

Wedding clothes to make you barf —

It’s rare that I’m rendered mute, but this “no prenup” line of bridalwear has done it. Where to even begin? [via]

Thanks to Cassandra from I Heart Indie Weddings for sending me a link to this New York Magazine article:

Attack of the Indiezilla
When getting married becomes an elaborate display of unharnessed self-expression, the result is a wedding that doesn’t look like a wedding at all.

The article peeves me a bit, and it’s not just the title or the subhead’s suggestion that if your wedding doesn’t look traditional, it somehow doesn’t count. For instance, there’s this incredibly weak argument:

One potential problem with planning a wedding without the support of the wedding-industrial complex is just that: the lack of support … Doing things your own way often means doing things yourself.

In other words, you should go the traditional route because it’s easier. Well, perhaps that’s true. But it’s fucking sad and makes me angry. So, you should buy into traditions that degrade you because it’s easier? You should spend a fortune on overpriced crap because it’s easier? You should let someone else define your marriage because it’s easier? You should go to Disneyland on your honeymoon instead of hiking in Costa Rica because it’s easier?

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Dan Savage recently blogged about Engagement 101, a creepy wedding industrial complex rag that features coverlines like “The hottest celebrity ring trends.” The best one reads “Have you found THE ONE? How can you tell?”

Dan actually went to far as to scan the terrible quiz you can take to find out if you’ve found “THE ONE.” (Crucial clue: what he gets you for your birthday!) It’s awful and amusing.

A bride with a hydrangea bouquet and vegan menu, hosting an event at an eco-retreat? People using their weddings as a political platform to further their own progressive agendas? Sounds like the New York Times got wind of my wedding!

… Oh wait, no they didn’t. They just finally noticed the increasing number of couples who are planning green eco-weddings, which they feature in today’s article, How Green Was My Wedding.

It’s a decent article, profiling couples who are creatively finding ways to minimize the ecological impact of their wedding days. I especially appreciate the couple who points out that they had to make some sacrifices so that they could stay within their budget, inviting less people so they could afford to feed their guests an organic meal.

The article seems to ignore the “reduce, reuse, recycle” aspect of environmentalism, focusing on green products couples can buy instead of suggesting that couples take the truly radical step of just buying less.

That said, I definitely get concerned when I see wedding trend articles that lay yet another financial concern on engaged couples, yet another way in which brides can whip themselves into a frenzy. “I must have tea candles on every table — and they must be SOY CANDLES!” How about just skipping the candles? As my friend Esther pointed out, it’s a little frustrating that the article seems to ignore the “reduce, reuse, recycle” aspect of environmentalism, focusing on green products couples can buy instead of suggesting that couples take the truly radical step of just buying less.

Going green can simply mean going more expensive, and it’s important to pick your priorities to avoid convincing yourself you simply MUST spend a small fortune. Then again, if you’re spending that small fortune supporting organic farmers and eco-conscious vendors, it’s probably money well-spent.

And regardless of how you go green, as one engaged woman in the article noted, using your wedding as an opportunity to make an political/environmental point is “a huge opportunity for people to make choices that can affect change. It’s one of the biggest contributions you can make as a young adult.” In other words, if you’re going to stress about your wedding, it’s better to freak out over its ecological impact than, say, whether the tulle on the back of the chairs matches your shoes.