This isn't about weddings, but it totally relates — you'll see. And then you will laugh and laugh.

I am officially decreeing myself done with the word "tacky." It's a word thrown around a lot in the wedding world — even the non-traditional wedding world! People are worried their centerpieces will look tacky. People decree honeymoon registries tacky. There's muttering over etiquette: "I want to do things this way … but is that tacky?" brides whisper in terror. Tacky: the dark evil that sneaks into your bedroom and eats your face at night.

I'm here to tell you that, YES: everything you want to do for your wedding is tacky. All of it. The red dress is tacky. The handmade paper flowers are tacky. Your custom-designed invitations? TACKY.

Because you see, "tacky" is in the eye of the beholder and there is always, always going to be someone who sees things differently than you. Your handwritten wedding vows? Tacky! Using old mugs as favors? Tacky! Your ribbon veil? Tacky! Your father reading a poem he wrote instead of Corinthians? Tacky!

There is no end to the tackiness. It is ALL tacky, according to someone. Someone will tell you it's tacky to get married in your backyard. Someone will tell you it's tacky not to decorate your chairs with large bows and organza. Someone will tell you it's tacky to have portapotties at your wedding. Someone somewhere thinks sequined wedding shoes and button bouquets and Wai-Ching dresses are all tacky.

…This website? TACKY!

Tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding.

I'm exhausted by the tacky debate. I'm sick of people asking if some component of their wedding is tacky. (Sure it is! …to someone. Do you care? Is that why you're doing it?) I'm sick of commenters decreeing certain wedding thangs as tacky. (Sure it is! …to you. Do I care? Are you invited to my wedding?) Tacky: the dark monster that creeps in at night … tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding.

Moving forward, I'm decreeing a moratorium on the word. When it's ALL tacky, none of it's tacky and we can finally stop talking about it.

I just received this message from a clueless publicist who clearly didn't actually read this website before emailing me, and it's so funny that I have to share:

[Cheezy Bridal Magazine] and [Cosmetics company] have teamed up to create a collection of must-have shades for every bride-to-be . Guided by [Cheezy Bridal Magazine], the industry's authority on wedding day beauty and nail color [Cosmetics company] has custom designed Diamond Strength Nail Color shades to suit every blushing bride . . . this is the perfect "marriage" between America's bridal expert and America's #1 nail expert.

The "Just Engaged!" Collection is available in the following 8 shades: Sheer Magic, I Do, True Love, First Dance, Wedding Bells, Sealed With A Kiss, Passion Flower, Wedding Bliss

WHAT THEY COST: $4.75
WHERE TO FIND THEM: Drugstores nationwide

If interested, we can send samples!!

Bwahahahaha. Stupid.

Just in case you ever thought to yourself, "Self, what I really need for my wedding ceremony is a vulva-shaped ring pillow," this site is for you. (Scroll down to see the wedding vulva.)

As they say, "A popular occasion for the Velvet V Valentine is the Wedding Ceremony. The Velvet V is a perfect place for rings, tokens representing hopes for the union, or other ritual items." All for the low, low price of $175!

(I kid, but these silly vulva purses are handmade by an artist, so if you're going to spend $175 on a ring pillow, it might as well be one crafted by an independent artisan. Then again, does anyone need to spend $175 on a ring pillow, let alone one shaped like genitals? Up to you!)

This cracked me up — except for the part where the bride growls "I WANT WEDDING FLOWERS." Fuck that stereotypical shit.