I'm by no means a wedding planner. I had never even planned a large event before I got engaged… but in planning our wedding from over 2,000 miles away I found that there ain't jack shit for resources on this topic.

So here it is, "Shrie's Humble Guide to Planning A Wedding from Afar: Or How to Get Hitched Without Pulling Your Hair Out." I hope my teeny tidbits of advice will help at least one crazed, "I don't know where to start!" bride-to-be looking for a little relief.

Getting married and putting the whole shebang together can be awesome fun. Getting married and putting the whole shebang together at a location 2,100 miles away from where you live can be awesome fun AND a little stressful. Lucky for you, I've been through all that and will graciously divulge all my time-saving, stress-free secrets…

Continue reading "How to plan a wedding from afar: part I (by Shrie)" →

A reader sent me this "Best of Craigslist" post that encapsulates one writer's take on all the traditional things she doesn't want at her wedding. (And yes, I'm assuming the author is a woman, although there's no way to know.)

No, we are all now in our late twenties and wedding invitations appear in the mail with almost the same frequency that delivery guys slip take-out menus under my door. And now, having attended and been in a few weddings, I can’t help but think “I don’t want any of it.”

You should definitely go read the whole post. It's hilarious — but then be sure to come back, because I've got something important to say…

Continue reading "Construction is always more difficult than demolition" →

I'm going to marry a wonderful man who is a recovering addict and has been clean for over 8 years. Many of the guests are friends of his who are also in recovery, so alcohol at the wedding will be a HUGE no-no. I know many guests who will be disappointed at the lack of alcohol (let me be honest – I'll be a tad disappointed, too). What can I do to get people on the dance floor and to have fun without the aid of beer? I've been to weddings before that didn't have alcohol and it seemed like people just bailed as soon as they were done eating.

First off, congratulations to your partner for his eight years of sobriety.

Now, in terms of your dry wedding: you're right. Getting people to dance sober can be difficult. Are you attached to dancing at your wedding? Do you want to take on the challenge of encouraging people to do something they may not naturally be inclined to do?

"No" is a perfectly acceptable answer here: There are lots of people who have wonderful, fun receptions without any dancing at all — so if you're only concerned about dancing because you feel like you're required to have it, I would encourage you to explore the option of skipping the dance floor.

The easiest way to do this to restructure the wedding so that it feels perfectly natural to be dry: a brunch wedding or lunch reception, for instance. People will come with less expectations about the format, and less assumptions that they're going to totter away wasted at 2pm.

If you've already got plans for an evening wedding or just reeeeally want a dance floor, I'd say get your guests jacked on caffeine. Could you have a caterer or a friend act as a barrista, serving guests fancy hyper-caffeinated drinks to get them amped and ready to rock?

Alternately, you could give the dance floor a little structure. No dancing = nothing a hula hoop wouldn't fix? Dance Dance Revolution? Dance floor scavenger hunt?

Most importantly, I'd suggest talking to your fiance about this and tapping into his network of friends who are in recovery. This is a whole community of experts who likely know more than you or I could ever dream about have a blast without alcohol — they may have lots of suggestions for how to get non-drinkers dancing.

Most of all, make sure you're having a great time at your wedding. Your energy will be infectious, and if you're giddy and spinning with joy, your guests will be more likely to follow your lead, sober or not.

I've written before about my decisions around calling the pictures of real weddings that I feature on this site "Wedding Porn." I consider the phrase a harmless, non-sexual twist on the voyeuristic thrill many folks planning their weddings get out of seeing other people's wedding ideas.

That said, I'm going to come out and admit that there IS one component of wedding porn that starts to feel just as unhealthy as typical porn: that's when lusting after some fantasy of what you could have starts to interfere with the reality of enjoying what you've got.

I see this when brides buy a dress, and then find another dress, and then pick a third dress because they keep seeing dresses they like online. I see it when people come up with five different wedding themes over the course of two months, and still can't quiiite decide. I read it between the lines of commenters who's enthusiasm for someone else's wedding starts to slip over the edge from inspiration ("ooh, I might want to integrate something like that in my wedding") to duplication ("I MUST HAVE THOSE EXACT SHOES WHERE DID YOU GET THEM TELL ME NOW NOW NOW!")

It worries me a little…

Continue reading "When to stop looking at wedding porn" →

Whilst I can't wait to marry my fiance, I can't stand his family. The idea of his parents being at our wedding makes me feels sick, and I haven't got a clue how I should be involving them. Any ideas how we can include them in the wedding without making it seem contrived or forced? I understand they're his family, and he loves them, but does that really mean I have to? -Anonymous

In a word: yes. When you marry your partner, you are marrying their family — even if you don't like them. These are the people who made the person you love, even if that just meant they gave your partner something to rebel against. Like it or not, these people are a part of the person you love, and they're going to be a part of your life.

So, that's the short answer: yes. You have to include them in the wedding, and bigger still: you have to learn how to include them in your life.

Find ways to include your in-laws in a few simple but meaningful ceremonial responsibilities. I asked my father-in-law to ring in our wedding ceremony with a large Tibetan bowl. I asked my mother-in-law to act as our "ring boy" and bring up our rings.

Not knowing much more about your wedding, it's hard to make suggestions … Could they pass out programs? Present the guestbook? Read a poem you selected? Be in charge of tossing some dried lavender as you exit the ceremony? Look for small but visible ways to feature them in your wedding day — it's important. Your wedding is a metaphor … and these people are going to be a part of your family, so think of finding loving, simple, but meaningful ways to involve them in your wedding as the first steps toward finding loving, simple, but meaningful ways to involve them in your life.