It’s another episode of Offbeat Bride video advice! Woohoo! Apologies for the delay on this one — this vid is actually a few weeks old (my hair is now six inches shorter), but I was having issues with my camera’s memory card. Bla bla bla, technical difficulties whatever — here we go!

Can you steer me in the direction of wedding hair for chicks with dreads? My mom is fucking tripping (which is so completely weak considering that I’m 32 and paying for the shindig) so I thought I’d get her to chillax with some dready wedding goddess hair pix. Thanks so much… I must say Mama~ Andreas SCORED! (Will you thank him for sharing you with us?!) — Reba

Aww, *blush*. Thanks, Reba! I’ll remind Andreas of that next time he’s irked at me for leaving a trail of girlwind detritus behind me all over the house.

Ok, now to answer your question about wedding dreads! Hoo-boy. This is a beloved topic of mine, since back in the day (creak creak creak) I used to have some wild dreads myself. There’s so much great inspiration for you out there!

Let’s start with what not to do. I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding back in 2000, and we went to a traditional hair salon to get our make-up and up-dos. Here’s how I ended up. The look was sorta psychedelic Marge Simpson, and while it was relatively tidy, I’m not sure I’d recommend the look to anyone else. (And don’t even get me started on the heavy make-up. Dre could hardly look at me all day!)

Anyway, for lots of inspiration for how you could style your dreads, keep on reading…

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I recently received some questions from a journalist for an article she’s writing about bridesmaids. I thought I’d include my answers here.

What do you think are some of the (perceived or actual) down sides of being a bridesmaid, and how can a forward-thinking bride avoid putting her maids through those experiences?

In the process of researching my book, I spoke to one former bridesmaid who’d been chastised by the bride for getting her shoulder-length hair cut into a bob before the wedding. The bride fuh-REAKED out, because now this one bridesmaid wouldn’t be able to have the pre-set bridemaid updo.

Brides and bridesmaids need to be well matched! If pre-ordained matching up-dos are important to you, then pick bridesmaids who are into meticulous aesthetics.

While this story is pretty fucked up, the thing it makes the most clear to me is that brides and bridesmaids need to be well matched! If, as a bride, things like pre-ordained matching up-dos are super insanely important to you, then pick bridesmaids who are into meticulous aesthetics.

I think it’s really important to have a discussion up-front about what the expectations are. Just ask the bride straight out what she wants and expects from you. If it doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, tell her you love her and would love to help with the wedding in some other way, but that you’re just not in the right headspace to be the bridesmaid she needs. No one’s to blame — it’s no one’s fault. You’re better off having this discussion be a little awkward than dealing with months (or years!) of stress around a wedding you don’t want to be in.

What are some of the things that make a bridesmaid’s experience a positive one?

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My real name is Michelle Jennifer, but i grew up going by jennifer and then when i was 20-ish my friends started calling me Rainbo. My fiance’s parents don’t feel comfortable with the Rainbo thing, so they call me Michelle. So when sending out invites, do I do three separate designs, one for each name? If i just go with what most people call me, there will be a whole slew of peeps on my fiance’s side that won’t have a clue who that person is.

Dude, just include all of your names on the invitation, ie Michelle Jennifer “Rainbo” Smith. Or whatever your last name is. Easy! …Next!

I’ve told my bridesmaids that they can wear any black dress of their choosing. Since I’m not requiring them to buy an actual bridesmaid’s dress (ick), should I offer to pay a sort of stipend for a new dress that they will probably buy for the wedding anyway? Or are they on their own if they choose to buy a new dress? — Sarah, aka Lady Vengeance of the Garden State Rollergirls

Sarah first off: yay for letting your bridesmaids pick their own dresses. Second off, yay for making it something easy and pragmatic like a black dress, something most of us already own and have plenty of opportunities to wear. Third off: yay for being considerate of your ladies’ financial concerns. Three yays for you, bad ass!

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Finally, a checklist for offbeat brides! Obviously, no checklist can work for everyone, but this one is hopefully a bit more slanted toward offbeat concerns. That said, it assumes you’re got about a seven month engagement — some of you are waaay longer, and some of you manage to do it all in three months. Your mileage may vary.

So, now it’s time to print this out and start checking the boxes!

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Any suggestions for how to “dress up” a bride with eyeglasses? I wear wire rimmed glasses that are a subtle cat-eye shape (can’t be too crazy since I work in a hospital) and I can’t wear contacts b/c of a medical condition. However, I find that glasses tend to “dress down” any fancy outfit I wear and I never see wedding photos where the bride has glasses. Any experience out there? -Kerith

Seems like there are two strategies you could use for wearing glasses at your wedding:

1. “My frames are a part of my face!” (ie, stick with the glasses you’ve got)
If you love your frames and feel like they’re really part of your face and identity, or are planning a low-key, mellow wedding, stick with the glasses you’ve got. If you’re a make-uppy type, you could go for extra dramatic eye make-up under your usual specs to add some flair. Dude: when was the last time you tried quality fake eyelashes? Bridget Bardot in spectacles anyone?

2. “My frames are part of my wedding outfit!” (ie, get new ones)
Wearing a pair of one-of-a-kind frames that aren’t your usuals would make a great visual impact on your wedding — I say go for frames that coordinate with your dress. To be even more daring and dramatic, go for frames that coordinate with your flowers. Let your glasses be an extension of your bouquet: a visual splash! You could also go super light and understated — ie frameless lenses that barely show.

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I appreciated this post from a message board I found in my referral logs:

People planning alternative weddings sometimes think that by having an alternative wedding they’re automatically avoiding the scariness that comes with the Great White. But the same sort of problems apply: you can be fixated on the party and not the marriage; you can turn into a frightening Bridezilla still; you can over-spend; you can over-tax everyone else; you can still show unrestrained greed.