Sarah posed this on the Kiwi & Aussie Brides Group on the OBT. It's an issue that we're sure lots of Aussie couples are struggling with, and one that unfortunately impacts couples worldwide. -Megan

I'm an outspoken supporter of GLBTI rights, especially when it comes to marriage equality in Australia. I go to rallies, I write letters to my local member of parliament and I post stuff all over my Facebook. That said, I had a bit of a meltdown a few months ago when discussing my impending marriage — I hold a strong view that marriage should be between two loving people, no matter what their gender or sexual orientation.

I had trouble confirming that I wanted to adhere to and join an insitution that precluded my best friend, and many other people that have been supportive of my relationship with my FH. After speaking with all of them, and confirming that none of them would hate me for going ahead with a marriage, I decided that while I would continue to fight for the rights of my friends, I would also go ahead with my own hetero marriage.

All of that said, my FH and I have just started looking at ceremony structures for the wedding, and have been advised by our celebrant that we must include this in the introduction…

Continue reading "Marriage equality issues with hetero ceremonies in Australia" →

For those of you who want to sink your teeth into some wedding planning philosophy, this meaty guestpost from OBT member Channamasala will give you lots to chew over… -AMS

A while back Offbeat Bride featured an article on why your wedding is tacky…and how that's really OK. A lot of us took that idea to heart, to the point where "don't worry about it, no matter what you do, someone is going to think it's tacky" bandied about on Offbeat Bride Tribe. I think that acted as not only a shake to the shoulders to a lot of us ("someone will find it tacky!") but also as a salve ("…so don't worry about it.") It hit a nerve in this community of people who are doing things differently, and so are more likely to be judged as 'tacky' for it.

I'm starting to feel the same way about the term "bridezilla". It's overused – it is its own cliche at this point – and yet hasn't hit that saturation point where it's acknowledged as being overused (see: Just Not That Into You, He's). How many TV shows, websites, videos, articles, Internet comments (always a bastion of intellectual thought and sensitivity, those are) march out the term "tacky" in a snobbish, "I am so much better than that" way that is just…tacky?

Well, "Bridezilla" is the new tacky.

Continue reading "Of Brides and Zillas" →

You can thank OBT member "Curly Fries" for the following ring shopping tip. We pulled this from the "British Offbeat Brides" group on the OBT.

The German and I bought our wedding rings last week and followed the most awesome tip from a friend of a friend. Forgive me if this is totally obvious but we had no idea that we could do it so I thought I would share…

Continue reading "A tip for ring shopping from a UK bride" →

Last month, Meg over at A Practical Wedding wrote a great post about the stories that we tell each other about life transitions. It seems as though, during wedding planning (and, as I'm learning, childbearing — and as I suspect most big life transitions) we tell each other a lot of scary stories.

I mean, of course people want to share their experiences with each other. But all too often this storytelling slips into fear mongering. It's sort of a pre-emptive commiseration — an anticipatory sing-song of Oh, you'll seeeee…. It's our way of telling each other, "I had this experience, and I'm assuming my experience is universal and you'll have the exact same one. And mine was like this, so yours will be too — and then we can roll our eyes and bond over how awful it was together." We all love a common enemy, and all too often in pursuit of this shared experience, we project our challenges onto others.

Oh, you'll seeeee… people say once you announce your engagement…

Continue reading "Fear mongering & you'll seeeee" →

Unless you are one of those lucky ladies who never, ever has trouble finding items that fit you perfectly straight off the rack, there’s a good chance your bridal attire will require alterations. If you are having something custom-made, you will probably need to have at least two fittings. (In my experience, three fittings for a mass-produced wedding dress is common.)

If at all possible, start with a dress (or outfit) that is your size — or very, very close to it. While it is often possible to size a dress up or down, don’t count on being able to take in or let out a dress by more than one or two sizes. Many dresses do not contain enough seam allowance to let out that much -– and with fabrics like velvet and satin, the original seam lines will show. (With satin, original seam lines can resemble track marks, hardly an appropriate look for a special occasion.)

If you have not yet purchased your attire, PLEASE resist the urge to buy something that is on sale but several sizes too big. Garments that are much too large for the intended wearer often need to basically be taken apart and re-cut in order to hang properly on the body. This is such a labor-intensive process it can quickly eat whatever money you saved –- and then some.

Continue reading "Bridal Fittings 101: advice from a former tailor shop employee" →

I'm a bridesmaid in a close friend's wedding this summer — R is transgender, and she's struggling to find a dress on a budget. R is a gorgeous woman who gets her curves from her post-transition hormones and her shoulders from her pre-transition adolescence. Dresses that look gorgeous on a model online look totally different when she tries them on, and she doesn't have the budget to have something completely hand-made. Since you did such a great write-up about finding suits for FTM transgender dudes and butch women, I was hoping you might be able to help us out a bit. -Beth

Thanks for writing, Beth — and congratulations to R on her engagement! I've got opinions a plenty, but I figured I'd bring in some experts to help me answer your question. I shared your email with four of my favorite independent wedding dress designers, and here was their advice…

Continue reading "Finding the perfect wedding dress for a transgender bride" →

Is it too presumptive to tell my bridesmaids that I don't want a bachelorette party OR a bridal shower? All of my bridesmaids live out of my state and I've been with my fiance for 7 years, and just don't feel the need to collect any more lingerie or eat a penis cake. Is it alright for me to just propose to my bridesmaids exactly what I want — us to get together on the morning of the wedding for coffee and to have a morning of beauty: hair, makeup, and manicures. -Courtney

Courtney, in a word: YES. In fact, your bridesmaids will likely be hugely relieved to have you tell them A) you don't want them to organize additional parties or showers and that B) instead you'd like to pamper them the morning of the wedding. I'd wager that there are many bridesmaids out there who would heave a huge sigh of relief at the news that you don't want a penis cake.

Continue reading "How to make things easy for your bridesmaids — no penis cake necessary" →

OBT member "iLiveinmyLab" wrote this great advice post on how to shop for antiques for your wedding, inspired by her trip to a large antique fair!

I went to Texas Antique Weekend with a friend of mine recently. As it was the last day of the fair we were hoping to get some good deals. I, of course, was in my never ending search for random glass objects as decorations for the wedding. We arrived at the first set of antique shops around 10am and did not finish till around 5-ish (it was a long intense day) and I was able to find a few good things.

Here are some tips for those of you who are planning on going to an antique fair to hunt for wedding items any time soon (most of this list will work for shops too).

1. Plan ahead. Have a general idea of where you plan on going before you get there. The night before I printed off the map of where the antique booths/pavilions were supposed to be set up. If you don't know the layout of the area, it could get a bit more confusing and when you're trying to cover a LOT of ground in one day. It's best to go in with a general idea of where you plan to go before you get there.

2. Don't Go Alone. This might sound like an odd one, or a "be safe don't go alone" message but it's not. It's nice to have someone there to motivate you to keep going and keep you on track. Plus if you end up getting a bunch of stuff they're there to help carry! Also, you'll get tired during the day and having that extra person there to talk to and joke about the random stuff you see is wonderful. Plus, an extra set of eyes is always good for spotting something.

Continue reading "How to avoid getting ripped-off when shopping at antique stores & fairs" →