A while back I ranted about how I think brides are best off having their wedding dresses custom made — you’ll get a better fit, exactly the design you want, and won’t have to suffer the attitudes and obscene prices of a bridal boutique.

There was some grumbling in the comments about “Ok, fine: but how do you find a custom dressmaker?” My best advice is start in your immediate circle and work your way out &mash; do you know any seamstresses or amazing sewers? Do any of your friends or family known any? If not, search online or in the Yellow Pages for someone locally. Being able to do fittings in person is a big bonus. If there’s no-one in town you like, then start looking online for seamstresses with styles you like who will work with you via email.

The ladies of the OBT came to the rescue with lots more tips on picking a custom dressmaker, as well as specific dressmaker recommendations:

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My parents offered to pay for most of our wedding next summer, which seemed great at first. But within four days of being engaged, my mom had already used the phrase “If i’m paying for it i will have X” and is being very very pushy about choosing a venue.

I’ve decided that letting my folks foot the bill would mean that we are going to have to have my mom’s wedding and not our wedding. My fiance and i talked about it and decided that we can afford to save up and throw the wedding we want with out my parents financial help. How can i tell my mom Thanks but no thanks on the offer to pay without completely alienating her? -Lisa

I think the best way to frame the discussion is to make this clear that you’re doing this out of respect for your relationship with her and because you respect her too much to cause friction with wedding planning. Emphasize that you’re doing this to reduce her anxiety — perhaps if you can point to a few examples of times when you’ve had disagreements over wedding planning, and let her know that you love her too much to cause her that kind of frustration. Accept full responsibilities for any and all disagreements. Apologize.

And then …

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I have been going round and round in my head for some idea on sprucing up a park ramada in a state park that we are using for our reception. The picnic tables I am not so worried about - those can be covered! But I am trying to make it look fun and festive with out it looking like a) a carnival b) country bumpkin - no offense on that cause I am one! or c) like a 5 year old’s birthday party! Any suggestions on helping me with keeping the natural element but making it look special? -Rebecca

To answer this question, I brought in the best expert I know — my friend Sarah Kelly, better known to those of you who have read the book as Upper Location Manager Sarah! Sarah is an interior designer specializing in organic decor working out of Los Angeles.

• Fabric is good and can be your friend. Drape it, layer it, cover it, use different colors for depth. For a dramatic effect, use deep or contrasting colors. That said, there is such a thing as too much chiffon and organza.

• I am going to go on the record and say that balloons, if ever used, should be used sparingly and only for an effect that can not be achieved by other means.

• I love flowers I know there can be some controversy about using a lot of fresh cut flowers. I get it — call it my eco-sin. I love flowers!

• I’m a big fan of lighting. Here are a few examples of lighting that, if modified and used right, could easily be applied to a ramada:

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Everyone warns you about Bridezilla, but no one tells you about how your mom will morph into Momzilla! We set the date for June 2009 and my mom’s trying to plan everything now. She’s totally not listening to me about what I want, or what is important to me. She and my father are paying for it. Would it be selfish of me to tell her it’s my wedding, and not hers? Or should I let her have her way because she’s paying for it? -Jenna

My simple rule: If mom’s payin’, you need to listen to what she’s sayin’.

For the longer answer, keep reading.

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I can’t handle addressing these wedding invitations. Everyone says I should address it to “mr. & mrs. man’s-name last-name” but it pisses me off — addresses like this completely blow past the female component of a relationship. Any ideas for how to be true-to-self without trying to make an in-your-face statement?

I’m not sure what etiquette would advise, but my solution was to skip last names completely on my invites. I addressed them with first names and affectionate titles, ie “Dad & Andrea” (for my father and his gf), “Auntie Cherie & Dave” (for my aunt and her bf), and “Dallas & Erin” (for my married friends). I usually listed whoever I felt like knew better first, i.e. “Susannah & Michael” for my best friend from high school and her husband.

Obviously, your mileage may vary with this technique and it’s probably not up to any sort of etiquette, but it felt like the simple, straightforward solution to me.

I’m looking for wedding party gifts that don’t suck. All I see for the girls are the same old monogrammed purses and mirrored compacts and for the guys all I see is pocket watches, flasks, and pens. How much use can you possibly get out of this stuff, besides a pen, but why spend $20–$100 on a freaking pen! What would you suggest for gifts for the wedding party? –Katie

I’m bringing in an expert guest blogger to answer this question. So ladies, welcome Jennifer from Etsy Wedding!

We’ve all been on the receiving end of some intriguing gifts — my favorite was an engraved monogrammed sterling-silver toothpick case. Yes, with toothpicks in it. What — are you trying to tell me I have something in my teeth? We’re friends, girl, you can just *tell* me.

For the offbeat bride, you’re looking for something meaningful, not just easy to purchase in a set of 6. The gifts you list don’t ring true because they have nothing to do with the relationships between you and your bridal party. You’ve asked these people to stand with you as your closest community; a great way to dream up authentic gifts is to think with care about how you or your affianced knows each person — a funny joke you’ve shared, an interest that brought you together, a memory only your siblings know — and go from there. (If we learned anything from Lloyd Dobler, you don’t give someone a pen!)

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I’m getting married in September and am thinking about not carrying anything (flowers, etc) when walking down the aisle. I love flowers, but I don’t really feel like having something that I will only hold for about 10 minutes. What are your thoughts? Has anyone else done the same? -Rebecca

I’ve seen plenty of instances where folks replace flowers with something else — like Jesse’s bridesmaids carrying candles. Some brides walk with a book in their hand (usually the bible, but could just as well be the karma sutra), framed photographs, or other family heirlooms. Apple Bride has some great bouquet alternative ideas like a parasol, fan, muff (heh), or sparklers — but that’s not what you’re really asking about, right? You want to walk down the aisle without a prop at all, yes?

I think it would be deeply romantic to walk down the aisle holding only the hand of your beloved. The two of you could enter separately, meet and clasp hands, and then walk toward the officiant together hand-in-hand. Very simple, very romantic, and no bouquet or other props involved.

I belong to a community of brides on another site. One of the brides prides herself on her uniqueness and originality. No one has a problem with that. But she really puts down a lot of the other brides who are more traditional. She calls their weddings cookie cutter.

I’m sure there was a time when the offbeat brides of the world took a lot of slack for doing things the way that made them happy but now this lady has started bride-reverse-discrimination. My point, how do I tell someone to chill with their “I’m so original and different” superiority trip?

Easy: send her the Your wedding is not a contest post.