Where is my manual on throwing a wedding with a partner who is transgender?! Both of us previously identified as lesbians, but now it's "Hey, I don't have a girlfriend anymore but a boyfriend, but I'm still gay, but we're getting legally married as male and female, but but but…" Do I let guests show up and see my big queer event with my male partner and have them think whatever they want? -Becky

Hey, Becky. I've got my answer, but first I'm bringing in the expertise of Elroi Windsor, who Offbeat Bride readers may remember from this inspiring queer wedding. Elroi is an Instructor and Doctoral Student of Sociology at Georgia State University with a focus on gender issues, and this was hir perspective:

Becky really should just deal with everything up front, before the wedding, so she doesn't have to deal with it during. That way, she'll only have people present who support her and her partner.

If everyone knows her as a lesbian, and knew the couple as a lesbian couple, then she needs to explain to everyone what's up if she wants them at the wedding. It's up to her to set the limits about what's ok and not ok to ask about when she relays the news.

Continue reading "Transgender groom" →

I am an Auckland, New Zealand OBB and am thinking of asking my three brideswomen to just pick a dress they like (maybe within a colour scheme…?) I don't think they have to be matching because they are all uniquely beautiful and hopefully will feel more comfortable in something that they have picked out themselves. Have you got any pics of non-matching brideswomens' dresses? -Sabrina

This is actually a very popular choice among offbeat brides — encouraging bridesmaids to wear something that generally coordinates, but isn't matchy-matchy. I've heard stories of some bridesmaids being uncomfortable with the idea (I guess freedom can be overwhelming?), but giving your brides dress liberation can be a great way to make sure that your ladies enjoy maximum awesomeness on your wedding day.

As for pictures — damn right I've got some!

Continue reading "Non-matching bridesmaid dresses" →

Lots of grooms look great in kilts, but there's just something about Miroslava's groom Kevin that's extra hot.

Is it the jacket? Is it the boots? Is it the hair? Or wait, is that kilt leather?! Regardless, Kevin's taking "sexy kilt" to a whole new level.

Don't get me wrong: Miroslava herself is positively dripping teh secksay in that bright red dress. But I'm used to seeing sexy brides. Grooms, for better or for worse, usually have to settle for "dignified" or "handsome." Not this one!

You can see lots more about this Cannon Beach, OR, wedding on over on Flickr.

PS: I find that these photos are best enjoyed while listening to Kevin's music.

One more Kevin-in-a-kilt shot below.

Continue reading "Contender for "hottest groom in a kilt" award" →

Meet Dana, the 29-year-old male flower girl from this AMAZING puppetry wedding, which I will telling you much more about tomorrow. One more picture below!

Continue reading "Who says flower girls have to actually be girls?" →

I am officially decreeing myself done with the word "tacky." It's a word thrown around a lot in the wedding world — even the non-traditional wedding world! People are worried their centerpieces will look tacky. People decree honeymoon registries tacky. There's muttering over etiquette: "I want to do things this way … but is that tacky?" brides whisper in terror. Tacky: the dark evil that sneaks into your bedroom and eats your face at night.

I'm here to tell you that, YES: everything you want to do for your wedding is tacky. All of it. The red dress is tacky. The handmade paper flowers are tacky. Your custom-designed invitations? TACKY.

Because you see, "tacky" is in the eye of the beholder and there is always, always going to be someone who sees things differently than you. Your handwritten wedding vows? Tacky! Using old mugs as favors? Tacky! Your ribbon veil? Tacky! Your father reading a poem he wrote instead of Corinthians? Tacky!

There is no end to the tackiness. It is ALL tacky, according to someone. Someone will tell you it's tacky to get married in your backyard. Someone will tell you it's tacky not to decorate your chairs with large bows and organza. Someone will tell you it's tacky to have portapotties at your wedding. Someone somewhere thinks sequined wedding shoes and button bouquets and Wai-Ching dresses are all tacky.

…This website? TACKY!

Tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding.

I'm exhausted by the tacky debate. I'm sick of people asking if some component of their wedding is tacky. (Sure it is! …to someone. Do you care? Is that why you're doing it?) I'm sick of commenters decreeing certain wedding thangs as tacky. (Sure it is! …to you. Do I care? Are you invited to my wedding?) Tacky: the dark monster that creeps in at night … tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding.

Moving forward, I'm decreeing a moratorium on the word. When it's ALL tacky, none of it's tacky and we can finally stop talking about it.