I am officially decreeing myself done with the word “tacky.” It’s a word thrown around a lot in the wedding world — even the non-traditional wedding world! People are worried their centerpieces will look tacky. People decree honeymoon registries tacky. There’s muttering over etiquette: “I want to do things this way … but is that tacky?” brides whisper in terror. Tacky: the dark evil that sneaks into your bedroom and eats your face at night.

I’m here to tell you that, YES: everything you want to do for your wedding is tacky. All of it. The red dress is tacky. The handmade paper flowers are tacky. Your custom-designed invitations? TACKY.

Because you see, “tacky” is in the eye of the beholder and there is always, always going to be someone who sees things differently than you. Your handwritten wedding vows? Tacky! Using old mugs as favors? Tacky! Your ribbon veil? Tacky! Your father reading a poem he wrote instead of Corinthians? Tacky!

There is no end to the tackiness. It is ALL tacky, according to someone. Someone will tell you it’s tacky to get married in your backyard. Someone will tell you it’s tacky not to decorate your chairs with large bows and organza. Someone will tell you it’s tacky to have portapotties at your wedding. Someone somewhere thinks sequined wedding shoes and button bouquets and Wai-Ching dresses are all tacky.

…This website? TACKY!

Tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won’t approve of your wedding.

I’m exhausted by the tacky debate. I’m sick of people asking if some component of their wedding is tacky. (Sure it is! …to someone. Do you care? Is that why you’re doing it?) I’m sick of commenters decreeing certain wedding thangs as tacky. (Sure it is! …to you. Do I care? Are you invited to my wedding?) Tacky: the dark monster that creeps in at night … tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won’t approve of your wedding.

Moving forward, I’m decreeing a moratorium on the word. When it’s ALL tacky, none of it’s tacky and we can finally stop talking about it.

I have two friends, one is going deaf, the other is about 97% deaf. How should I accommodate them at our wedding? Should I hire an interpreter or have a friend do it? Any ideas? -AprilShowers

To answer this question, I’m bringing in my dear friend Echo Greenlee, a who teaches American Sign Language here in Seattle. Echo was a guest at my wedding, and I accommodated her by providing a printed out copy of our vows beforehand … but now I really wish I’d gotten a Sign Language interpreter. Because ‘terps are rad. Anyway, read on for Echo’s tips for accommodating deaf wedding guests…

All Deaf and hard of hearing people have different needs. If your Deaf guests are fluent in American Sign Language (ASL), most likely they would like to have an ASL Interpreter at the wedding. You’ve invited them, so it would make sense that you want them to participate equally in your awesome day.

The Deaf person will always best know their needs. The single most important thing you can do is ask your Deaf guest what kind of assistance they need in making sure they are equally included. Here are a few ideas of items you may want to discuss or bring up with your Deaf guest:

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I’ve started my search for some offbeat readings for my wedding in October… have you compiled a list anywhere of readings from modern literature, songs, etc that are a little edgier and more current than the traditional? -Buster

This is one of those questions where I bow down to the all-mighty altar of Indiebride.com. If you’re looking for readings that have a few less thou shalts than your typical wedding material, you must check out Indiebride.com. See, the members of Indiebride’s forum have built an amazing 16-page repository of awesome readings!

Here are a few of my very favorites, which include references to science-fiction vampires, insomnia, and red right ankles.

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How can I make it clear from my invitations that while I love kids, I don’t love them at my wedding? -Gemma

As usual, my recommendation comes down to being proactive instead of reactive. Instead of making it negative (”How can I say ‘NO KIDS ALLOWED’?”), simply pick a venue and time that support adult-only activities. In other words, have a night wedding at a 21+ venue like a bar or lounge. There’s nothing like an 9pm ceremony and a dude checking IDs at the door to keep the kiddlets away.

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My future mother-in-law wants me to do something at our wedding to honor the people who recently died in our family, one of them being her husband. And then she went on to mention that she would like us to honor her mother (who died over 20 years ago). AND THEN she said that I should also mention my two grandmothers, my uncle, and my cousin who all passed away. Um, is it me, or would that make for an INCREDIBLY depressing moment at a wedding? -Sara

Here’s an easy solution that makes everyone happy: get some wedding photo charms (available from Etsy or from photojewelrymaking.com) to hang from your bouquet. You can put photos of all the deceased into the charms, and have them quietly but respectfully dangling from your bouquet for your entire wedding day. That way there’s no need to harsh your guests’ mellow by making a memorial announcement at the reception. Just make sure your photographer gets some shots of the bouquet. Then, you could even get a print of that photo framed special for your mother-in-law.

The result would be something like this photo from hystudio.com:

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A while back I ranted about how I think brides are best off having their wedding dresses custom made — you’ll get a better fit, exactly the design you want, and won’t have to suffer the attitudes and obscene prices of a bridal boutique.

There was some grumbling in the comments about “Ok, fine: but how do you find a custom dressmaker?” My best advice is start in your immediate circle and work your way out &mash; do you know any seamstresses or amazing sewers? Do any of your friends or family known any? If not, search online or in the Yellow Pages for someone locally. Being able to do fittings in person is a big bonus. If there’s no-one in town you like, then start looking online for seamstresses with styles you like who will work with you via email.

The ladies of the OBT came to the rescue with lots more tips on picking a custom dressmaker, as well as specific dressmaker recommendations:

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My parents offered to pay for most of our wedding next summer, which seemed great at first. But within four days of being engaged, my mom had already used the phrase “If i’m paying for it i will have X” and is being very very pushy about choosing a venue.

I’ve decided that letting my folks foot the bill would mean that we are going to have to have my mom’s wedding and not our wedding. My fiance and i talked about it and decided that we can afford to save up and throw the wedding we want with out my parents financial help. How can i tell my mom Thanks but no thanks on the offer to pay without completely alienating her? -Lisa

I think the best way to frame the discussion is to make this clear that you’re doing this out of respect for your relationship with her and because you respect her too much to cause friction with wedding planning. Emphasize that you’re doing this to reduce her anxiety — perhaps if you can point to a few examples of times when you’ve had disagreements over wedding planning, and let her know that you love her too much to cause her that kind of frustration. Accept full responsibilities for any and all disagreements. Apologize.

And then …

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I have been going round and round in my head for some idea on sprucing up a park ramada in a state park that we are using for our reception. The picnic tables I am not so worried about - those can be covered! But I am trying to make it look fun and festive with out it looking like a) a carnival b) country bumpkin - no offense on that cause I am one! or c) like a 5 year old’s birthday party! Any suggestions on helping me with keeping the natural element but making it look special? -Rebecca

To answer this question, I brought in the best expert I know — my friend Sarah Kelly, better known to those of you who have read the book as Upper Location Manager Sarah! Sarah is an interior designer specializing in organic decor working out of Los Angeles.

• Fabric is good and can be your friend. Drape it, layer it, cover it, use different colors for depth. For a dramatic effect, use deep or contrasting colors. That said, there is such a thing as too much chiffon and organza.

• I am going to go on the record and say that balloons, if ever used, should be used sparingly and only for an effect that can not be achieved by other means.

• I love flowers I know there can be some controversy about using a lot of fresh cut flowers. I get it — call it my eco-sin. I love flowers!

• I’m a big fan of lighting. Here are a few examples of lighting that, if modified and used right, could easily be applied to a ramada:

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