I have a question that is probably going to make me sound really mean, but here goes: how do I gracefully turn down offers of jewelry or other accessories to wear on my wedding day?

Both my mom and mother-in-law-to-be are very nice, generous people. But they have taste in clothes & jewelry that really clashes with mine. They love delicate gold sparkly pretty princess things, and I love big chunky bold modern stuff — soooo very different.

I will let them know in advance that I have already purchased everything I need, but that might not get the point across. Is there a decent way of pre-emptively saying "please don’t give me anything, no really, please DO NOT"? How do I say this TACTFULLY but make sure the message is loud and clear? OR, if they ignore me and give me something and it's awful, how do I turn it down tactfully?

Definitely make it clear that you've already purchased your jewelry. Show off what you've gotten in person or via email. Explain why you love it so much and how excited you are about it. Hopefully this will nip things in the bud. But if they insist on giving you jewelry anyway, try this technique:

Continue reading "How to deal with gifted accessories that just don't go" →

You can thank OBT member "Curly Fries" for the following ring shopping tip. We pulled this from the "British Offbeat Brides" group on the OBT.

The German and I bought our wedding rings last week and followed the most awesome tip from a friend of a friend. Forgive me if this is totally obvious but we had no idea that we could do it so I thought I would share…

Continue reading "A tip for ring shopping from a UK bride" →

Last month, Meg over at A Practical Wedding wrote a great post about the stories that we tell each other about life transitions. It seems as though, during wedding planning (and, as I'm learning, childbearing — and as I suspect most big life transitions) we tell each other a lot of scary stories.

I mean, of course people want to share their experiences with each other. But all too often this storytelling slips into fear mongering. It's sort of a pre-emptive commiseration — an anticipatory sing-song of Oh, you'll seeeee…. It's our way of telling each other, "I had this experience, and I'm assuming my experience is universal and you'll have the exact same one. And mine was like this, so yours will be too — and then we can roll our eyes and bond over how awful it was together." We all love a common enemy, and all too often in pursuit of this shared experience, we project our challenges onto others.

Oh, you'll seeeee… people say once you announce your engagement…

Continue reading "Fear mongering & you'll seeeee" →

Unless you are one of those lucky ladies who never, ever has trouble finding items that fit you perfectly straight off the rack, there’s a good chance your bridal attire will require alterations. If you are having something custom-made, you will probably need to have at least two fittings. (In my experience, three fittings for a mass-produced wedding dress is common.)

If at all possible, start with a dress (or outfit) that is your size — or very, very close to it. While it is often possible to size a dress up or down, don’t count on being able to take in or let out a dress by more than one or two sizes. Many dresses do not contain enough seam allowance to let out that much -– and with fabrics like velvet and satin, the original seam lines will show. (With satin, original seam lines can resemble track marks, hardly an appropriate look for a special occasion.)

If you have not yet purchased your attire, PLEASE resist the urge to buy something that is on sale but several sizes too big. Garments that are much too large for the intended wearer often need to basically be taken apart and re-cut in order to hang properly on the body. This is such a labor-intensive process it can quickly eat whatever money you saved –- and then some.

Continue reading "Bridal Fittings 101: advice from a former tailor shop employee" →

I'm a bridesmaid in a close friend's wedding this summer — R is transgender, and she's struggling to find a dress on a budget. R is a gorgeous woman who gets her curves from her post-transition hormones and her shoulders from her pre-transition adolescence. Dresses that look gorgeous on a model online look totally different when she tries them on, and she doesn't have the budget to have something completely hand-made. Since you did such a great write-up about finding suits for FTM transgender dudes and butch women, I was hoping you might be able to help us out a bit. -Beth

Thanks for writing, Beth — and congratulations to R on her engagement! I've got opinions a plenty, but I figured I'd bring in some experts to help me answer your question. I shared your email with four of my favorite independent wedding dress designers, and here was their advice…

Continue reading "Finding the perfect wedding dress for a transgender bride" →