Not that I have anything against Etta Jame's "At Last" or Michael Buble's "Everything," — they're both perfect first dance songs — but I've heard them both WAY to many times at weddings. So, combining my database of musician friends (some of whom made the list), Shrie's music writing experience and Ariel's… whatever the hell Ariel listens to (which, I believe, is literally everything), the OBB team has compiled a list of totally not overused first dance songs, from the silly, to the romantic, to the extremely controversial!

Continue reading "First dance songs that haven't been done-to-death" →

I have a condition called fibromyalgia which causes me near constant pain and makes me feel tired very easily. I am really worried about how to deal with receiving lines (shaking hands and hugging are extremely uncomfortable for me). Can you think of any alternatives or polite ways to weasel out of the physical contact? -Laura

Laura, there are tons of non-touchy alternatives to the receiving line. Let's pull back the receiving line tradition and get down to the nitty gritty: you want a way to make each guest feel personally welcome and appreciated for making it to your wedding.

There are tons of ways to do so that don't force your guests to wait in line to shake your hand, and also allow you to conserve your energies on your wedding day. These ideas also work great for shy couples who shrivel up inside when they think of facing down a line of 100+ people waiting to touch them.

Continue reading "Avoiding a receiving line while still greeting guests" →

I love my fiance but GOD, he's such a fucking GUY. It seems like all the wedding planning stuff ALWAYS FALLS TO ME. He says things like "Oh but honey, you're so good at it." Why won't he help me!? -Jen

Jen, this is a perennial question, and it seems to be almost as much of an issue with offbeat grooms as for more, well, stereotypical ones.

I wish I could completely skip over the gender issue on this one, but I have to at least acknowledge it. I don't know what there is to say about the fact that some men don't enjoy planning weddings. Is it an embodiment culture-driven gender influences? Probably. Could your guy be lazy? Maybe. Is making gender generalizations about it self-reinforcing these very gender influences you're decrying? Most likely. Are there lesbian couples who deal with this same interest-in-wedding-planning imbalance who don't reduce it to a gender issue? Yes.

We could debate why it happens and what it means and who's to blame for a long time. But really, that's not accomplishing much — what can you actually DO about it? What can you actually LEARN from it?

Continue reading "Acknowledging and learning from partnership imbalances OR "My stupid fiance won't help me with wedding planning"" →

Amidst all the geeking out over wedding porn of details and decor, I think it's always good to remember the beauty and magic of a simple, heartfelt wedding. Behold:

I know we feature a lot of weddings full of fabulous design and ideas and art and fashion and music and magic. And while the details can be fun for some of us some of the time, I love photos that remind us all that when it comes right down to it, really all you're going for is this moment:

Continue reading "A simple forest wedding reminder" →

The short answer: very, VERY carefully. The longer answer? Watch:

We're trying to do our wedding on the cheap but still have it be unique and cool. So, we decided that our theme needs to start with the invitations! We hired a local tattoo artist to draw up [Editor's note: DRAW, not design!] a 50's-60's rock concert poster for us that we plan on printing off at Kinko's and mailing as our invite. The problem is, he just told me it's going to cost $500 in order for him to draw up the original! So, I'm thinking $500 for the original + ($.48 X 150) for printing + small manila envelopes for mailing + postage + home printed response cards = me being taken to the cleaners on my "cheap & cool" invites? Or, is it worth it for the cool factor and the fact that we will forever have original artwork to remember our wedding by? I have to laugh that our invites could cost us more than our rock-club reception space! -Becky

Ah yes. How well I know the progression from "cheap and cool" to "handcrafted and awesome" to "hey wait a minute — this would have cost less if I'd gotten invites at Target!" Awesome offbeat custom wedding stuff has a sneaky way of costing more than mass produced mainstream stuff. A custom dress made in China is going to cost you less than a custom dress made around the corner.

Continue reading "Is it worth spending money on wedding art?" →

I have a question that is probably going to make me sound really mean, but here goes: how do I gracefully turn down offers of jewelry or other accessories to wear on my wedding day?

Both my mom and mother-in-law-to-be are very nice, generous people. But they have taste in clothes & jewelry that really clashes with mine. They love delicate gold sparkly pretty princess things, and I love big chunky bold modern stuff — soooo very different.

I will let them know in advance that I have already purchased everything I need, but that might not get the point across. Is there a decent way of pre-emptively saying "please don’t give me anything, no really, please DO NOT"? How do I say this TACTFULLY but make sure the message is loud and clear? OR, if they ignore me and give me something and it's awful, how do I turn it down tactfully?

Definitely make it clear that you've already purchased your jewelry. Show off what you've gotten in person or via email. Explain why you love it so much and how excited you are about it. Hopefully this will nip things in the bud. But if they insist on giving you jewelry anyway, try this technique:

Continue reading "How to deal with gifted accessories that just don't go" →

In nine months I will be married. It doesn't seem that long ago I was sporting short hair, dockers, button-downs and ties and hitting the bars. Now, I have hair down to the middle of my back, wearing a f'ing Vera Wang wedding dress and participating full force in the bridal industrial complex. I'm currently taking a feminist studies class and it reminded me how I was when I first started doing my feminist/women's studies coursework for my MA: idealistic but still angry about how the world works. While I'd like to think that some of that rage is still inside me and I don't think I have become soft, I think I have become more tolerable and understanding of others and their beliefs.

There are some who may think that a woman changing her last name is “unfeminist.” To me this is a very tricky and personal decision for every woman who is about to get married. First, there is no one singular socio-political belief system known as feminism. There are multiple feminisms to reflect the diverse experiences of women around the world. However, the underlining goal of feminism is to improve the lives and experiences of women (and men) by ending gender oppression and injustice. Therefore, I find it difficult especially within this context to label the act of changing one’s last name to her husband’s as being “unfeminist.”

Continue reading "Musings on feminism and weddings" →