"Sometimes it seems harder to be original, but it takes so little to start being yourself. The race has a siren song if you let it. Let your voice be louder." -Miranda

I'm confused by the "trends" that have been emerging with Offbeat Bride. To me, it feels like the concept behind the book and the site are supposed to be "Offbeat = Personally Expressive," but lately it's been more of "Offbeat = Red Dress, Birdcage Veil, & Sneakers."

The message seems like it's getting lost. Instead of people getting swept up in mainstream insanity and wedding ideals, they're doing the exact same thing with the "Offbeat Wedding," like they're trying to fit into the trends. -Anonymous

Hoo-boy! This is something I think about a LOT actually, and it's way bigger than offbeat bride and wedding trends, although that's a part of it. Please, allow me to put on my sociologist hat and pontificate for a moment …

Continue reading "The fallacy of offbeat trends" →

why is it called Wedding Porn? Since this is a woman-friendly community, why is it called porn? My wedding pictures won't be pornographic. I have no problems with porn, it's useful, especially women porn (for women, by women). I'm a sex-positive feminist. But why do we participate in "wedding pornography"? -Brady

Great question! "Wedding Porn" is a term I appropriated from an old Salon.com article by Heather Havrilesky. The phrase is meant as a playful take on the thrill of gawking at images from other people's weddings.

For me, this appropriation of the word "porn" has nothing to do with sex or even gender — it's about covetous voyeurism. In this context, "porn" simply refers to image that incites desire. Sure: when you're horny, you want sex porn. But when you're hungry, you want food porn. When you're feeling consumeristic, you want shopping porn. And when you're planning a wedding, you want wedding porn.

Continue reading "Why "wedding porn"?" →

I really appreciate your Offbeat Bride Blog. I find myself wanting to point friends to your blog and then resist the urge. A lot of my friends are people of color. When one hits your blog it is hard to find any weddings of people of color. Have you considered targeted outreach to photographers and brides/grooms of color?

Again, I love your work. Just wish I could spread it farther.
Warmly, Jodie

Thanks so much for the email, Jodie! This is a great opportunity to discuss an issue I've been thinking a lot about.

On offbeatbride.com, I aim to feature diverse weddings in terms of style, location, sexual orientation, etc. … but you're not the only one to be frustrated by the lack of color on offbeatbride.com. I do have a category of posts dedicated to offbeat couples of color (and there are dozens of 'em!), but even so, I have been deeply disappointed by the lack of racially diverse offbeat weddings across the web and in my inbox. I see a bazillion tattooed white women, but very very few black hippie brides, goth asian brides, steampunk latina brides, rockabilly native american brides, etc.

I actually brought the issue up six months ago on the OBT forum ("Where are all the OBBs of color?"), and brides from a range of ethnic backgrounds weighed in with their theories on why I might be finding less offbeat brides of color online, and what I could do to attract more to the site. Here were a few of their thoughts:

Continue reading "Offbeat Bride & Diversity" →

This was originally posted as a comment to the "Your wedding is tacky" post, but I think it's important and wanted to take the time to answer it publicly.

…While I at first did enjoy this blog’s celebration of all things unique and offbeat, Ariel’s recent increasing blowups on any negative comments is, frankly, off putting. Any post on any subject is going to evoke negative AND positive reactions from people. Freaking out whenever people comment negatively, whether using “tacky” or not, is ITSELF unwelcoming of discussion.

I enjoyed this blog because it gave me inspiration for various ideas I could ponder and decide whether to include or exclude them with my wedding. And even though it is MY wedding, I still care what other people think, because this wedding is a celebration for my whole family. They’re giving time and money and traveling a long distance to be with me, I want them to have as much fun as possible. So yes, I find value even when people react negatively to different wedding ideas, and I even find value when people use the word “Tacky”

Demanding that every comment flower praise on the couple’s wedding choices isn’t offbeat, it is typical selfish bridal behavior. -Elizabeth

Elizabeth, I totally hear you and it’s definitely a balance I struggle with when thinking about offbeat editorial and moderation strategy. Honestly: it's not like I love every single nontraditional wedding I see. It's not like I've never looked at a wedding photo and thought "Woah! Bleah!" But ultimately my goal has always been acting as a cheerleader and supporter of nontraditional couples.

From the introduction of my book:

Continue reading "I am but your humble cheerleader" →