I am an Auckland, New Zealand OBB and am thinking of asking my three brideswomen to just pick a dress they like (maybe within a colour scheme…?) I don't think they have to be matching because they are all uniquely beautiful and hopefully will feel more comfortable in something that they have picked out themselves. Have you got any pics of non-matching brideswomens' dresses? -Sabrina

This is actually a very popular choice among offbeat brides — encouraging bridesmaids to wear something that generally coordinates, but isn't matchy-matchy. I've heard stories of some bridesmaids being uncomfortable with the idea (I guess freedom can be overwhelming?), but giving your brides dress liberation can be a great way to make sure that your ladies enjoy maximum awesomeness on your wedding day.

As for pictures — damn right I've got some!

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Typically, "wedding porn" is just a figurative term … but I pretty much want to have sex with Meaghan's ENTIRE WEDDING PARTY. The bridesmaids in their red dresses! The groomsmen in their vests and inked forearms! The groomsgirls in their adorable shirts! Only you Seattleites will get the neighborhood reference, but this may be the most perfectly Georgetown wedding I've ever seen.

Lots more hawtness over here.

I'm looking for wedding party gifts that don't suck. All I see for the girls are the same old monogrammed purses and mirrored compacts and for the guys all I see is pocket watches, flasks, and pens. How much use can you possibly get out of this stuff, besides a pen, but why spend $20–$100 on a freaking pen! What would you suggest for gifts for the wedding party? –Katie

I'm bringing in an expert guest blogger to answer this question. So ladies, welcome Jennifer from Etsy Wedding!

We've all been on the receiving end of some intriguing gifts — my favorite was an engraved monogrammed sterling-silver toothpick case. Yes, with toothpicks in it. What — are you trying to tell me I have something in my teeth? We're friends, girl, you can just *tell* me.

For the offbeat bride, you're looking for something meaningful, not just easy to purchase in a set of 6. The gifts you list don't ring true because they have nothing to do with the relationships between you and your bridal party. You've asked these people to stand with you as your closest community; a great way to dream up authentic gifts is to think with care about how you or your affianced knows each person — a funny joke you've shared, an interest that brought you together, a memory only your siblings know — and go from there. (If we learned anything from Lloyd Dobler, you don't give someone a pen!)

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Here's another great example of how to deal with cross-gender wedding parties. Check out the fabulous groom's girls/best women in this shot from Jessicka & Christian's fabulous wedding. For what it's worth, this is my favorite shot from the day. (Thanks to Amanda Brooks Photography for the shot!)

I recently received some questions from a journalist for an article she's writing about bridesmaids. I thought I'd include my answers here.

What do you think are some of the (perceived or actual) down sides of being a bridesmaid, and how can a forward-thinking bride avoid putting her maids through those experiences?

In the process of researching my book, I spoke to one former bridesmaid who'd been chastised by the bride for getting her shoulder-length hair cut into a bob before the wedding. The bride fuh-REAKED out, because now this one bridesmaid wouldn't be able to have the pre-set bridemaid updo.

Brides and bridesmaids need to be well matched! If pre-ordained matching up-dos are important to you, then pick bridesmaids who are into meticulous aesthetics.

While this story is pretty fucked up, the thing it makes the most clear to me is that brides and bridesmaids need to be well matched! If, as a bride, things like pre-ordained matching up-dos are super insanely important to you, then pick bridesmaids who are into meticulous aesthetics.

I think it's really important to have a discussion up-front about what the expectations are. Just ask the bride straight out what she wants and expects from you. If it doesn't sound like your cup of tea, tell her you love her and would love to help with the wedding in some other way, but that you're just not in the right headspace to be the bridesmaid she needs. No one's to blame — it's no one's fault. You're better off having this discussion be a little awkward than dealing with months (or years!) of stress around a wedding you don't want to be in.

What are some of the things that make a bridesmaid's experience a positive one?

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