The Offbeat Bride: Julie, Account Executive

Her Offbeat Partner: Stephanie, Senior Boarding Manager at a Doggy Daycare

Location & date of wedding: San Francisco Zoo – San Francisco, CA — May 30, 2009

What made our wedding offbeat: I guess the obvious answer here would be along the lines of two brides, zero white dresses, etc. — probably not so "offbeat" anymore, and certainly not in the Bay Area.

Outside of our pre-election, City Hall “quickie,” this was the first gay or lesbian wedding that either of us had been to, so we really felt like we had an opportunity here to make this our own versus the cookie-cutter wedding that too many people have. We took a lot that was traditional, and threw in a lot that wasn’t –- in the end, it all worked big time.

Continue reading "Julie & Stephanie's San Francisco Zoo Wedding" →

Hey, Ariel. While my partner is getting married in a lovely gown, I lean more towards the butch end of the spectrum and would like to get married in a stylin' suit or maybe even a tux. Question is, I just can't find any good suits for women. Help? -Jessica

Hey, Jessica! I get variations of your question pretty frequently, and as someone on the femmey end of the gender/fashion spectrum, have been at a completely loss for an answer.

Thankfully, I tracked down an expert, S. Bear Bergman, author of Butch Is a Noun (and recent newlywed), to help me address the issue.

And so, now I present to you …

Snagging the perfect suit for your wedding
By S. Bear Bergman
It turns out that many butches, transmasculine beings, and other festive gender-benders would like to know exactly how a person to whom men’s clothes are not traditionally marketeted should go about purchasing a well-fitted suit or tuxedo. The answer, I am cheerful to tell you, is the same as it is for any person of any gender or sex who wants to buy a suit and have it fit well.

First: buy a suit. A decent–quality suit.

Next: take it to your tailor (or use the tailoring services of the place where you bought it). If you don’t have a tailor, ask your suit-iest pal where he or she goes.

Those are the key points.

The bad news is that you will not be renting anything, and you will not be getting off the hook for less than $300 to $400 if you buy the suit new. The good news is that a good-quality suit will last twenty years if your size remains stable and you care for it well.

A well-fitted suit costs more money – there is no way around it. Unless you are a perfect size off the rack, you will need a tailor. Cheap suits cannot be tailored much because they're not cut for it — they're all of a piece instead of assembled out of contoured parts, which is cheaper to make but cannot be altered much beyond shortening legs or arms. Someone who wants a nice suit that fits well should be prepared to go to, say, Men's Wearhouse at least (and a department store or specialty shop at best). Men’s Wearhouse also guarantees their tailoring for life, and carries a very wide range of sizes for those of us who are short, fat, or (like me) both.

Continue reading "Wedding suits for butches, transmasculine beings, and other festive gender-benders" →

A few weeks ago I got some great feedback in the form of a book review over on Amazon:

I think it's a little funny that the chapter on bridal wear in Offbeat Bride does not even mention the possibility of the bride wearing – gasp – pants instead of a dress. Utilikilts get a mention — "Match your skirts!" — but even then does it not enter the picture that some brides are not into dresses.

Why, what an excellent point, and what a total oversight. While of course I couldn't cover every single breed of offbeat in the book (snowboard brides got short shrift, and transgendered Buddhists were completely ignored), writing about brides in pants is actually something I really wish I'd included.

In my poking around online I found a fair amount of inspiration for brides who wish to go the pants route, and even some awesome indie vendors…

Continue reading "Brides in pants" →