I can't lie; part of me has struggled with the fact that I am not completely being a build-it-yourself "budget bride" like I had anticipated I would be. I'm letting myself splurge on a little luxury — the luxury of not having to fret about every little detail and allowing people who know what they're doing take the reins. Even though there will be plenty of opportunities for personal creativity in the ceremony, garb, décor, and atmosphere… I still feel a little bit like a sell-out.
This is Offbeat Bride's archive of wedding industry posts.
I have taken so much joy (if that's even the right word) in seeing how other Offbeat Brides have made touching, bittersweet acknowledgements of those who can only be there with them in spirit. It seems that those rituals are surprisingly absent from "traditional" wedding magazines and blogs. My mom passed away almost two years ago, but my parents didn't get married until four days before she died. And I know that being a part of that wedding has empowered me to craft an offbeat wedding that I can proudly take ownership of.
How does this video only have 75 views? We don't normally share sketch videos, but this one is about about how, sometimes, guys can get way more sentimental about wedding planning than girls. Give the video two minutes, and behold the full-frontal mind-fuck that bridal magazines can pull on ANYONE. "Ooh, this one looks like a grotto! Like a magical fairy mermaid grotto…"
I feel that each of the choices we make for our wedding need to be conscious choices. We need to weigh the comfort of tradition against the statement (overt or otherwise) that it may make. Not every feminist wedding is going to look the same — and certainly one can be a feminist and have a more "traditional" wedding. I don't decide who is a feminist and who is not — I only get to determine how my feminism manifests itself.
With my marketing and public relations background, I really should have known that once I started calling vendors, my name would wind up on someone's mailing list. For the last several weeks, I have been receiving regular junk mail from my area's WIC staple vendors. So I've come up with several solutions of what to do with all that gross junk mail…
There's a lot of talk in the alt-wedding world about the "wedding industrial complex," that runaway freight train of wedding industry grossness that's always pressuring you to do things a certain way because supposedly that's how things are done.
Lots of us hate the Wedding Industrial Complex, which some people abbreviate as "The WIC." I feel y'all on the loathing of an industry that can be insidious and damaging. I think it's also important, however, to reiterate something I've written about several times before: Offbeat Bride is absolutely part of the wedding industry.
I have sworn off all wedding-related things. Or, at least, things not related directly to my wedding. This includes TV shows, magazines, The Knot, and any other website that makes me have unrealistic expectations of my nuptials. This "wedding propaganda," as I have so lovingly been calling it, has only overwhelmed me, smothered my own voice inside my head, and made me feel inadequate in the planning and execution of my own wedding. This is unacceptable.
Are you familiar with this concept of styled shoots? It's when wedding vendors team up together to create a fantasy weddings, showing off what they can do. I totally get why styled shoots are great for vendors — it gives folks a chance to show off the kind of work they WANT to do — but we have a clear policy to never ever feature them on Offbeat Bride, and here's why…
Do you ever feel like you're getting it from both sides: you've got pressure to be more traditional and materialistic on one side, and on the other side, you've got pressure to be uniquer, more special-er, authentically truly meaningfully YOU-er. Back! Forth! Back! Forth! I can resist tradition! I don't want to avoid something just because it's traditional! I like chair covers! But I can't like chair covers! Everything we picked is personal! Now it feels like of embarrassing…like it's over the top and "me me me"!
THIS, my friends, is what one reader coined as WIC-whiplash (WIC-lash?). Together, we're going to take a deep breath and try to get over it.
Husband of the Future and I made an appointment to go to a major retailer to get a start on our registry. We ended up leaving when they totally ignored by groom, stating "Oh, he doesn't matter. Grooms don't matter at all! Everyone knows it's the bride's day!" So let's talk about standing up for groom-inclusion and voting with your dollars.
You might want to have a TARDIS on each reception table. Or you might want a geologically accurate Grand Canyon wedding cake. Or you might want a life-sized unicorn that sneezes glitter and pees lemonade. Let's face it, a lot of those traditional vendors just aren't going to get it. However, I see this as a positive…