Anli on the left, and Laura on the right. Photo by Capturing Essence

The offbeat bride: Anli, data analyst

Her offbeat partner: Laura, public servant

Location & date of wedding: The Old Stone House, NSW Australia — 5 September 2009

What made our wedding offbeat: We wanted a ceremony that reflected our geeky, romantic, pink aesthetic, while at the same time being profound and meaningful. Our ceremony was themed around the video game Portal and the anime series Revolutionary Girl Utena.

We incorporated lots of geeky details, from the table names (Revolution, Sierra, Katara and GLaDOS) to the choice of music. We also kept several traditional elements such as bouquets, dresses and bridesmaids. However, we both walked down the aisle unaccompanied and skipped the garter/bouquet toss.

Continue reading "Anli & Laura's Lesbian Gamer Geek Wedding" →

I'm in the extremely early stages of a wedding (pre-engagement early). I like to plan things ahead of time. I've never been to a non-religious wedding. What is said for the wedding part? That is what I'm trying to figure out. All I know is the Bible related stuff with a priest or preacher. I've thought about potentially asking law/political science/sociology friends to officiate the wedding, but I'm afraid of them being in the same boat as me.-Andy

Andy, kudos to you for doing your research with plenty of time to spare. The joy of a secular wedding ceremony is that pretty much anything goes! The pain of a secular wedding ceremony is that all that freedom can be overwhelming. Some couples who have traditional religious ceremonies decide to do so not because they're especially religious but because, well, following a ceremony template is way, WAY easier.

(To clarify, I'm ALL for couples having Bible-based ceremonies … if the folks getting married are practicing Christians. But I think it's disrespectful to smile and nod your way through a religious service you don't actually believe in, so I vote for secular couples going for secular ceremonies.)

That said, I've got lots of ideas for you.

Continue reading "How do you have a wedding ceremony without a Bible?" →

The offbeat bride: Gena, Environmental Planner

Her offbeat partner: Anne, Art Teacher

Location & date of wedding: Heights Art Gallery in Houston, Texas,

What made our wedding offbeat: Well, for starters we are lesbians, which is not necessarily offbeat, but it certainly is in the State of Texas! After being together for 7 years, we decided that we wanted to celebrate our commitment with our friends and family.

Continue reading "Gena & Anne's old Hollywood/art gallery soiree" →

My fiance and I have been putting off the entire wedding largely because we are both pretty shy, introverted people. We're both are very anxious about being the center of attention. Besides cutting down the guest list, do you have any brilliant ideas for how we can pull this off without getting ulcers from stage fright? -Anwen

If you're terrified about your ceremony, the key is going to be having a great officiant. Someone who can absorb all that stage-fright for you, and really take command over the space. Someone, maybe, who might even speak about zombies.

Also, keep your vows super short and sweet. Instead of memorizing them, have your officiant do "repeat after me" vows.

You may also want to do what we did and schedule some time just the two of you immediately after the ceremony. You can read more about this in my book.

Avoid having either of you make formalized speeches, and do what you can to keep the number of toasts low. Ask two friends or family members to do toasts and then stand up and say "Thank you!" and turn up the music so it's clear the time for toasts is dunzo.

Keep the tone of the wedding light and casual: less formal = less cause for freak-outs.

Also, make liberal use of what I call "The I Love You Break." Here's how it works:

Continue reading "Weddings for shy people" →

The offbeat bride: Erin, teacher

Her offbeat partner: Chris, photographer

Location & date of wedding: Treasure Island Beach, Florida on November 1st, 2008

What made our wedding offbeat: We live together with our four children (two mine, two his, all ours). This wedding was not just about the two of us, but about merging to become this big, crazy, wonderful family.

I said vows to Chris's biological children, and he said vows to mine. It just formalized the incredible bond we already have with each other. We didn't have bridesmaids or groomsmen, we walked down the aisle together, and we skipped the bouquet toss and garter business, and most other expected elements of the modern American wedding.

Continue reading "Erin & Chris' Brady-Bunched on the Beach Wedding" →