Hey, Ariel. While my partner is getting married in a lovely gown, I lean more towards the butch end of the spectrum and would like to get married in a stylin' suit or maybe even a tux. Question is, I just can't find any good suits for women. Help? -Jessica

Hey, Jessica! I get variations of your question pretty frequently, and as someone on the femmey end of the gender/fashion spectrum, have been at a completely loss for an answer.

Thankfully, I tracked down an expert, S. Bear Bergman, author of Butch Is a Noun (and recent newlywed), to help me address the issue.

And so, now I present to you …

Snagging the perfect suit for your wedding
By S. Bear Bergman
It turns out that many butches, transmasculine beings, and other festive gender-benders would like to know exactly how a person to whom men’s clothes are not traditionally marketeted should go about purchasing a well-fitted suit or tuxedo. The answer, I am cheerful to tell you, is the same as it is for any person of any gender or sex who wants to buy a suit and have it fit well.

First: buy a suit. A decent–quality suit.

Next: take it to your tailor (or use the tailoring services of the place where you bought it). If you don’t have a tailor, ask your suit-iest pal where he or she goes.

Those are the key points.

The bad news is that you will not be renting anything, and you will not be getting off the hook for less than $300 to $400 if you buy the suit new. The good news is that a good-quality suit will last twenty years if your size remains stable and you care for it well.

A well-fitted suit costs more money – there is no way around it. Unless you are a perfect size off the rack, you will need a tailor. Cheap suits cannot be tailored much because they're not cut for it — they're all of a piece instead of assembled out of contoured parts, which is cheaper to make but cannot be altered much beyond shortening legs or arms. Someone who wants a nice suit that fits well should be prepared to go to, say, Men's Wearhouse at least (and a department store or specialty shop at best). Men’s Wearhouse also guarantees their tailoring for life, and carries a very wide range of sizes for those of us who are short, fat, or (like me) both.

Continue reading "Wedding suits for butches, transmasculine beings, and other festive gender-benders" →

The Offbeat Bride: Bethany, Grassroots Director

Her Offbeat Partner: Kris, Lawyer/Financial Advisor

Location & date of wedding: Theodore Wirth Park, Minneapolis, MN — 10-18-2008

What made our wedding offbeat: My partner and I both love the fall and consider it the best season in Minnesota. I also love to throw dinner parties and wanted our ceremony to be an "extended dinner party" with wonderful food and wine. We also wanted to accentuate the beautiful colors of fall, so we found a beautiful "chalet" at a city park. I wore a chocolate brown dress with awesome orange shoes. Kris wore a classic black suit with a golden rust tie. We had no attendants or "wedding party." Just us.

Continue reading "Bethany & Kris' Fabulously Fall "Extended Dinner Party" Wedding" →

Where is my manual on throwing a wedding with a partner who is transgender?! Both of us previously identified as lesbians, but now it's "Hey, I don't have a girlfriend anymore but a boyfriend, but I'm still gay, but we're getting legally married as male and female, but but but…" Do I let guests show up and see my big queer event with my male partner and have them think whatever they want? -Becky

Hey, Becky. I've got my answer, but first I'm bringing in the expertise of Elroi Windsor, who Offbeat Bride readers may remember from this inspiring queer wedding. Elroi is an Instructor and Doctoral Student of Sociology at Georgia State University with a focus on gender issues, and this was hir perspective:

Becky really should just deal with everything up front, before the wedding, so she doesn't have to deal with it during. That way, she'll only have people present who support her and her partner.

If everyone knows her as a lesbian, and knew the couple as a lesbian couple, then she needs to explain to everyone what's up if she wants them at the wedding. It's up to her to set the limits about what's ok and not ok to ask about when she relays the news.

Continue reading "Transgender groom" →