Where is my manual on throwing a wedding with a partner who is transgender?! Both of us previously identified as lesbians, but now it's "Hey, I don't have a girlfriend anymore but a boyfriend, but I'm still gay, but we're getting legally married as male and female, but but but…" Do I let guests show up and see my big queer event with my male partner and have them think whatever they want? -Becky

Hey, Becky. I've got my answer, but first I'm bringing in the expertise of Elroi Windsor, who Offbeat Bride readers may remember from this inspiring queer wedding. Elroi is an Instructor and Doctoral Student of Sociology at Georgia State University with a focus on gender issues, and this was hir perspective:

Becky really should just deal with everything up front, before the wedding, so she doesn't have to deal with it during. That way, she'll only have people present who support her and her partner.

If everyone knows her as a lesbian, and knew the couple as a lesbian couple, then she needs to explain to everyone what's up if she wants them at the wedding. It's up to her to set the limits about what's ok and not ok to ask about when she relays the news.

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