Last week's Why you should propose to your boyfriend post was a big hit, so I'm continuing on with Part 2: HOW to propose to your boyfriend.

Of course there are as many ways to propose to your boyfriend as their are people reading this website, but when considering proposing, here are a few things to consider:

1. Have lots of conversations with him about marriage and commitment, so that you know you're on the same page. Do you share ideas and values? Do you share a common outlook? Do you both want to do this?
2. If you're not sure he'd feel comfortable being proposed to, find a casual way to find out. Share a story about another woman who proposed (I've got one coming up for you!) to see how he responds.
3. If you want to really twist the tradition on its ear, consider asking his mother for his hand in marriage! This list of how to ask a man for his daughter's hand in marriage is actually pretty helpful, and has the bonus of being slightly amusing when you flip the genders: "Promise [her] that you’ll take care of [her son] for the rest of [his] life."
4. Pick a symbolic gift, if you want one. It totally doesn't have to be a ring (who remembers the "engagement lighter" mentioned in my book?)
5. Start scheming! The web is FILLED with proposal ideas, but I'm guessing crafting one unique to your relationship would be way more special than any over-engineered feat of romance.

Want a great story to use as an example? Keep hear how one OBT member proposed to her boyfriend…

Continue reading "Proposing Part 2: How to propose to your boyfriend" →

One of the things I learned from my reader survey was how many of you identified yourselves as "ladies in waiting," i.e. women biding their time until their boyfriends propose. Well, girls: STOP WAITING! If you're into questioning traditions, start by questioning the very first assumption about weddings: that a woman's role is waiting for a man to pick her.

I know: it's scary right? You're thinking, "What if he says no?" Well, no one said taking your life by the reigns would be easy, and the anxieties and fears of rejection that come up around proposing give you great insight into some of the cultural pressures men traditionally experience.

Proposing is definitely scary, and I'm speaking from personal experience here. As those of you who've read my book know, I actually proposed to Andreas …

On our third anniversary, we went to this pottery painting place. As I'd planned, I painted a big plate with a picture of us holding hands. (Yes, we were naked in the painting. I like painting butts!)

Above the little people, I painted the words "Psst: will you marry me?" Then I put my grandmother's diamond wedding ring onto the plate and slid it across the table to Andreas.

He looked at the plate. He looked up at me.

I looked at him. Nothing happened.

"…Well, will you?" I said.

Continue reading "Proposing Part 1: Why you should propose to your boyfriend" →