I've written before about my decisions around calling the pictures of real weddings that I feature on this site "Wedding Porn." I consider the phrase a harmless, non-sexual twist on the voyeuristic thrill many folks planning their weddings get out of seeing other people's wedding ideas.

That said, I'm going to come out and admit that there IS one component of wedding porn that starts to feel just as unhealthy as typical porn: that's when lusting after some fantasy of what you could have starts to interfere with the reality of enjoying what you've got.

I see this when brides buy a dress, and then find another dress, and then pick a third dress because they keep seeing dresses they like online. I see it when people come up with five different wedding themes over the course of two months, and still can't quiiite decide. I read it between the lines of commenters who's enthusiasm for someone else's wedding starts to slip over the edge from inspiration ("ooh, I might want to integrate something like that in my wedding") to duplication ("I MUST HAVE THOSE EXACT SHOES WHERE DID YOU GET THEM TELL ME NOW NOW NOW!")

It worries me a little…

Continue reading "When to stop looking at wedding porn" →

"Sometimes it seems harder to be original, but it takes so little to start being yourself. The race has a siren song if you let it. Let your voice be louder." -Miranda

I'm confused by the "trends" that have been emerging with Offbeat Bride. To me, it feels like the concept behind the book and the site are supposed to be "Offbeat = Personally Expressive," but lately it's been more of "Offbeat = Red Dress, Birdcage Veil, & Sneakers."

The message seems like it's getting lost. Instead of people getting swept up in mainstream insanity and wedding ideals, they're doing the exact same thing with the "Offbeat Wedding," like they're trying to fit into the trends. -Anonymous

Hoo-boy! This is something I think about a LOT actually, and it's way bigger than offbeat bride and wedding trends, although that's a part of it. Please, allow me to put on my sociologist hat and pontificate for a moment …

Continue reading "The fallacy of offbeat trends" →

This was originally posted as a comment to the "Your wedding is tacky" post, but I think it's important and wanted to take the time to answer it publicly.

…While I at first did enjoy this blog’s celebration of all things unique and offbeat, Ariel’s recent increasing blowups on any negative comments is, frankly, off putting. Any post on any subject is going to evoke negative AND positive reactions from people. Freaking out whenever people comment negatively, whether using “tacky” or not, is ITSELF unwelcoming of discussion.

I enjoyed this blog because it gave me inspiration for various ideas I could ponder and decide whether to include or exclude them with my wedding. And even though it is MY wedding, I still care what other people think, because this wedding is a celebration for my whole family. They’re giving time and money and traveling a long distance to be with me, I want them to have as much fun as possible. So yes, I find value even when people react negatively to different wedding ideas, and I even find value when people use the word “Tacky”

Demanding that every comment flower praise on the couple’s wedding choices isn’t offbeat, it is typical selfish bridal behavior. -Elizabeth

Elizabeth, I totally hear you and it’s definitely a balance I struggle with when thinking about offbeat editorial and moderation strategy. Honestly: it's not like I love every single nontraditional wedding I see. It's not like I've never looked at a wedding photo and thought "Woah! Bleah!" But ultimately my goal has always been acting as a cheerleader and supporter of nontraditional couples.

From the introduction of my book:

Continue reading "I am but your humble cheerleader" →

I am officially decreeing myself done with the word "tacky." It's a word thrown around a lot in the wedding world — even the non-traditional wedding world! People are worried their centerpieces will look tacky. People decree honeymoon registries tacky. There's muttering over etiquette: "I want to do things this way … but is that tacky?" brides whisper in terror. Tacky: the dark evil that sneaks into your bedroom and eats your face at night.

I'm here to tell you that, YES: everything you want to do for your wedding is tacky. All of it. The red dress is tacky. The handmade paper flowers are tacky. Your custom-designed invitations? TACKY.

Because you see, "tacky" is in the eye of the beholder and there is always, always going to be someone who sees things differently than you. Your handwritten wedding vows? Tacky! Using old mugs as favors? Tacky! Your ribbon veil? Tacky! Your father reading a poem he wrote instead of Corinthians? Tacky!

There is no end to the tackiness. It is ALL tacky, according to someone. Someone will tell you it's tacky to get married in your backyard. Someone will tell you it's tacky not to decorate your chairs with large bows and organza. Someone will tell you it's tacky to have portapotties at your wedding. Someone somewhere thinks sequined wedding shoes and button bouquets and Wai-Ching dresses are all tacky.

…This website? TACKY!

Tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding.

I'm exhausted by the tacky debate. I'm sick of people asking if some component of their wedding is tacky. (Sure it is! …to someone. Do you care? Is that why you're doing it?) I'm sick of commenters decreeing certain wedding thangs as tacky. (Sure it is! …to you. Do I care? Are you invited to my wedding?) Tacky: the dark monster that creeps in at night … tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding.

Moving forward, I'm decreeing a moratorium on the word. When it's ALL tacky, none of it's tacky and we can finally stop talking about it.