Photo by Amanda Jaffe

I've been thinking a lot lately about the pursuit of authenticity versus the pursuit of attention. The first feels very internal, like you really have to look with-in yourself with a lot of introspection and thought to determine what's important … while the other feels very external, like you're hunting for other people's eyeballs. And why does one seem like so much fun, while the other seems like so much work?

(…I swear this relates to wedding planning!)

Continue reading "The pursuit of authenticity vs. the pursuit of attention" →

A reader sent me this "Best of Craigslist" post that encapsulates one writer's take on all the traditional things she doesn't want at her wedding. (And yes, I'm assuming the author is a woman, although there's no way to know.)

No, we are all now in our late twenties and wedding invitations appear in the mail with almost the same frequency that delivery guys slip take-out menus under my door. And now, having attended and been in a few weddings, I can’t help but think “I don’t want any of it.”

You should definitely go read the whole post. It's hilarious — but then be sure to come back, because I've got something important to say…

Continue reading "Construction is always more difficult than demolition" →

I've written before about my decisions around calling the pictures of real weddings that I feature on this site "Wedding Porn." I consider the phrase a harmless, non-sexual twist on the voyeuristic thrill many folks planning their weddings get out of seeing other people's wedding ideas.

That said, I'm going to come out and admit that there IS one component of wedding porn that starts to feel just as unhealthy as typical porn: that's when lusting after some fantasy of what you could have starts to interfere with the reality of enjoying what you've got.

I see this when brides buy a dress, and then find another dress, and then pick a third dress because they keep seeing dresses they like online. I see it when people come up with five different wedding themes over the course of two months, and still can't quiiite decide. I read it between the lines of commenters who's enthusiasm for someone else's wedding starts to slip over the edge from inspiration ("ooh, I might want to integrate something like that in my wedding") to duplication ("I MUST HAVE THOSE EXACT SHOES WHERE DID YOU GET THEM TELL ME NOW NOW NOW!")

It worries me a little…

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"Sometimes it seems harder to be original, but it takes so little to start being yourself. The race has a siren song if you let it. Let your voice be louder." -Miranda

I'm confused by the "trends" that have been emerging with Offbeat Bride. To me, it feels like the concept behind the book and the site are supposed to be "Offbeat = Personally Expressive," but lately it's been more of "Offbeat = Red Dress, Birdcage Veil, & Sneakers."

The message seems like it's getting lost. Instead of people getting swept up in mainstream insanity and wedding ideals, they're doing the exact same thing with the "Offbeat Wedding," like they're trying to fit into the trends. -Anonymous

Hoo-boy! This is something I think about a LOT actually, and it's way bigger than offbeat bride and wedding trends, although that's a part of it. Please, allow me to put on my sociologist hat and pontificate for a moment …

Continue reading "The fallacy of offbeat trends" →