1.7k

As a queer person of color feminist, I cast aside my last name, and that's okay with me

While I always expected I would end up marrying a Taiwanese-American person like myself, I somehow fell in love with a man who happens to be white. I never thought I'd end up dating white guys, nor did I think I'd marry one. Weeks before my wedding, I toyed with the idea of changing my name. I could have a fresh start in life — new name, new license, new everything. But then the feminist part of me strongly opposed taking my husband's name. How can I completely eradicate my single life and the accomplishments I achieved under my maiden name? What kind of feminist am I?

8.2k

My name isn't "Mrs": On changing my mind about changing my last name

Changing my mind about changing my last name was undoubtedly really confusing for my husband, because I had clearly stated my intention to take his name once we were married. But when people started calling me "Mrs. HisLastName" I didn't like it. It was as though my first name was "Mrs," my last name was "HisLastName," and no identifier of who I was previous to getting married was left. It made me especially angry when we would receive something addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName" as though I was not even worthy of a first name anymore. As though I am just a wife. I love being his wife, I love that we're married, but I want to define my marriage. I don't want my marital status to define me.

10k

It's about me becoming me: Why I'm changing my first AND last name after marriage

Did I want to keep having the same tiresome, negative conversation with every new person that I meet? Not really. Is changing my entire name going to be incredibly inconvenient? Most certainly, in terms of process, costs, and social confusion. Is my happiness worth the inconvenience? When I asked myself that question, the answer was a resounding YES. Additionally, I now have no problem taking my partner's (delightful) last name when I will also be taking my own first name, on my own terms.