I am planning on having an informal family-only wedding at my dad's church. I'm considering doing a potluck wedding but was wondering if that was tacky to ask our guest to dish something up for everyone to share in.

My fiancee is in Afghanistan and we'll only know a month in advance when we can set a date for the wedding. This makes catering (already expensive) even more of a challenge. If I where to do a potluck, how would I word it on an invitation? I run the risk of people not bringing anything!

I've read articles online and it seems most people think potlucks are tacky — even my own sister thinks it's too tacky. -Sylvia

Ok, first thing's first: Yes, a potluck wedding is tacky. Your entire wedding is tacky! So was mine. "Tacky" is a subjective word that can be applied to absolutely anything and everything, from a $500 wedding all the way to a $50,000 wedding. It's all tacky, so let that concern go.

I've featured several potluck weddings on Offbeat Bride — I especially love Kirsten's story, where she explains:

We invited our friends and family to "bring what makes them who they are" to share. We had no idea what our wedding would look like — we were not disappointed. A beautiful and delicious homemade wedding cake just APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE! Our friends sang, read stories, played music, put on improv performances, made up carnival games, and told each other's families waaaaay too much about the new in laws!

So clearly, a potluck wedding can work beautifully and be an amazing community event that celebrates two families coming together and sharing food, stories, music, and whatever else people chose to bring. I love the idea.

But the issue isn't "is a potluck wedding tacky?" and more "Are you and your fiance's families comfortable enough with the idea to participate fully?" Only you two know your families well enough to know if this is the case. Here are a few questions for you and your fiance to ask yourselves:

Continue reading "Is a potluck wedding tacky?" →

We are planning a small ceremony during the day with a limited number of guests. Later that evening, we will have a party/reception for everyone to come and celebrate whether they were at the ceremony or not. What is a polite way to word the invitations to the reception-only people so that they know that the ceremony was kept small so that no feelings are hurt? -Natty

We did our wedding the same way: relatively intimate ceremony and dinner, and then wide open "Bring your friends!" crazy dance reception. We invited these reception guests via an evite that read:

Continue reading "Reception-only wedding invitations" →

How can I make it clear from my invitations that while I love kids, I don't love them at my wedding? -Gemma

As usual, my recommendation comes down to being proactive instead of reactive. Instead of making it negative ("How can I say 'NO CHILDREN ALLOWED'?"), simply pick a venue and time that support adult-only activities. In other words, have a night wedding at a 21+ venue like a bar or lounge. There's nothing like an 9pm ceremony and a dude checking IDs at the door to keep the kiddlets away.

Continue reading "Fool-proof way to keep kids away from your wedding" →

My real name is Michelle Jennifer, but i grew up going by jennifer and then when i was 20-ish my friends started calling me Rainbo. My fiance's parents don't feel comfortable with the Rainbo thing, so they call me Michelle. So when sending out invites, do I do three separate designs, one for each name? If i just go with what most people call me, there will be a whole slew of peeps on my fiance's side that won't have a clue who that person is.

Dude, just include all of your names on the invitation, ie Michelle Jennifer "Rainbo" Smith. Or whatever your last name is. Easy! …Next!

Right now, the issue that I've stumbled upon is invitation wording. The wedding is being hosted by the groom and I, and it would be completely unlike us to just include the traditional "First-name Middle-name Last-name and First-name Middle-name Last-name request the pleasure of your blah blah blah" Please help! —Lisette

Ooh, if you think using your full names is traditional, I hate to think what you'd think of ye olde "Mr. and Mrs. Smith invite you to join them in a celebration of love as their daughter, Bride, is united in marriage to Mr. Groom, son of Mr. and Mrs. Brown." Bleah!

Wedding invitation wording really just comes down to who's paying. This page is a veritable "choose your own adventure" of traditional/formal wording, depending on who's paying. It's very complicated (what do you do about step-parents? What if your sibling is chipping in?) and (yawn!) oh so stiff and dull.

Want more invitation info?

• Non-froofy wedding websites with matching invites!
• Some of my favorite custom wedding invitations
• Badass DIY wedding ideas

Dull as these traditions may be, however, my only regret from our invitations (which we wrote from scratch — they're in my book — complete with my embarrassing invite typo) is that we completely ignored the whole "if your parents are helping, include their names on the invite" rule of thumb. (We split the cost of our $6000 wedding three ways: us, his dad, my dad.)

I think the best rule of thumb is to stay pretty basic — not formal, but basic. People are known to skim invites, and if you get too cutesy, too clever, or too longwinded, you increase the likelihood that someone gets confused. And remember: if you're having a nontraditional wedding you want to minimize confusion, because you're going to be maximizing disorientation. I vote for straightforward wording, with maybe one little piece of flair tossed in.

There's a related discussion about this topic over on the offbeat bride tribe, but I think my favorite collection of nontraditional invitation text I've seen is in this amazing thread over at kvetch. I had a blast re-reading the old thread and picking a few of my favorites:

No family mentions

This makes the most sense if you're paying for your wedding yourself

with joyous hearts
we invite you to attend
the wedding of

ME
and
HIM

date, place, time.

food and merriment to follow
reception location
time

We joyfully invite you to our wedding celebration.
On this day we will marry the one
we laugh with, live for, dream with, love.

Please join
Feline
and
Canine
at Time
on Date
Two thousand and four

Place

Buffet dinner and dancing to follow.

Girl met Girl.

For the rest of the story
join us on
(date)
at (time)

(location)
St. Paul, Minnesota

as Lauren
and Rebecca
celebrate their commitment.

Light dinner and dancing to follow.

You are invited to a celebration
of the beginning of our new life together
as we are united as husband and wife
on Saturday, the eleventh of September
two thousand and four
at six thirty in the evening
(Address), Los Angeles, California

Food, Wine and Merriment to immediately follow!

Please join us
to share our joy and support our love
As we exchange vows and are united
in the commitment of marriage.

Speeder Middle Last
And
Munkey Middle Hislast

Saturday the twelfth of March
at Half past five o'clock

The Naples Room
Milwaukee

Dinner and Dancing to Follow

Because your love and friendship
have guided and inspired us,
we invite you to join us as we exchange
our wedding vows.

FireDragon
and
FireRam

Sunday, the eighteenth of September,
two-thousand and five
four o'clock in the afternoon

amidst the sequoias
at The Beautiful State Park in
My Hometown, California

reception and rock 'n' roll to follow

Ms. Crazydoglady
and
Mr. Crazydoglady

Because your love and friendship
have helped us become who we are,
we joyfully invite you to share in our
celebration of love and commitment

Together we laugh, we dream, we love,
and on this day, we marry

Friday, the fourth of November
Two Thousand and Five
Eight o’clock in the evening
Cool place
Blue county, Red State

Dessert reception immediately following

Family included

While I don't think you need to get into "Mr. So 'n' So, parents of such 'n' such," it is nice to recognize family if they're helping you foot the bill. These examples include several ways to do that.

Together with our parents we invite you
to share our joy and support our love
as we are exchange vows and are united
in the commitment of marriage

SnowKate's full name
and
SnowMate's full name

Saturday, the thirtieth of April
two thousand and five
at five o'clock

Winery Name
Napa, California

Food and festivities to follow

Please share our joy
at the wedding of

Ruchby
daughter of RuchbyMom and RuchbyDad
and
Mr. Ruchby
son of Dad and Mom MrRuchby

Monday, the fifteenth of September
two thousand and three
at eleven o’clock in the morning
Glen Oaks Country Club
Farmington Hills, Michigan

Feast and merriment to follow

This day I will marry my best friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love
Reenie
and
Mr. NNG
together with their children,
invite you to share in the joy and
celebration of their marriage
and the joining of their families
on Friday, the thirtieth of December
two thousand and five
at half past six o'clock
in the evening
Church
Street Address
Our Town, Ohio

Love was meant to be shared
with parents, family and friends

Melfirst Mellast and FHfirst FHlast

together with our parents
Melmom1st and Meldad1st Mellast &
FHmom1st and FHdad1st FHlast

Invite you to share our celebration
of lifelong love and commitment
in the ceremony uniting us in marriage

Saturday, the nineteenth of August
two thousand and six
at half past five in the evening

Name Of Site
12345 Main Street
City, California

Dinner and merriment to follow