I love my fiance but GOD, he's such a fucking GUY. It seems like all the wedding planning stuff ALWAYS FALLS TO ME. He says things like "Oh but honey, you're so good at it." Why won't he help me!? -Jen

Jen, this is a perennial question, and it seems to be almost as much of an issue with offbeat grooms as for more, well, stereotypical ones.

I wish I could completely skip over the gender issue on this one, but I have to at least acknowledge it. I don't know what there is to say about the fact that some men don't enjoy planning weddings. Is it an embodiment culture-driven gender influences? Probably. Could your guy be lazy? Maybe. Is making gender generalizations about it self-reinforcing these very gender influences you're decrying? Most likely. Are there lesbian couples who deal with this same interest-in-wedding-planning imbalance who don't reduce it to a gender issue? Yes.

We could debate why it happens and what it means and who's to blame for a long time. But really, that's not accomplishing much — what can you actually DO about it? What can you actually LEARN from it?

Continue reading "Acknowledging and learning from partnership imbalances OR "My stupid fiance won't help me with wedding planning"" →

This post was written from the perspective of a girl who was dealing with a boy, so it's totally hetero groom-centric. While sometimes same-sex relationships have similar imbalances, it seems like this is one of those issues that comes up more with the whole boy/girl partnership thang — clearly, offbeat hets aren't exempt from wrestling with traditional gender role issues! That said, many of these tips would work with an uninvolved partner of either gender. -Megan

1. Talk to him
It's a common misconception that the bride plans the wedding and it is the role of the groom to just show up wearing a suit. If your guy hasn't participated in the planning yet, it could be that he has no idea that he's even allowed to! So the first step is to come right out and say, "I'd like us to plan our wedding together." If you're lucky that'll be all it takes to get him to enthusiastically climb aboard the crazy wedding planning train! If not, no worries, keep reading…

2. Support & encourage his ideas
You can't ask him to be involved and then shoot down all of his ideas. He's gonna get frustrated with that pretty quickly and then you've blown your chance to have him as your partner in planning. 

OBT member Kathleen put it well when she said, "Give him support and encouragement. When James comes to me with an idea I usually just tell him that if it is important to him and if he thinks it will make our day better, then let's go for it! Which is why I am having a graveyard/tombstone wedding cake — despite the fact that our wedding is nowhere near Halloween."

Continue reading "9 ways to get your groom involved" →

Ladies, you see that adorable short wedding dress the bride Catherine is wearing? You see that adorable groom next to her? His name is Hans and he made Catherine's dress. Seriously: he made his bride's dress!

That said, I noticed this little post on the groom's blog:

number of dresses i've been asked to sew in the past 3 months by friends: 8. number of dresses i've sewn in the past 3 months: 1.

hint: i don't want to sew you a dress.

In other words, just because he made his bride's dress, doesn't mean he's making you a dress!

To get all the details about this amazing piano player and typewriter themed Seattle wedding, head on over to Vintage Glam Weddings or click the photo below.

(Photos by Kristina Goudey from Goudey Photo. And thanks to Miss Jess for sending this in!)