Whilst I can't wait to marry my fiance, I can't stand his family. The idea of his parents being at our wedding makes me feels sick, and I haven't got a clue how I should be involving them. Any ideas how we can include them in the wedding without making it seem contrived or forced? I understand they're his family, and he loves them, but does that really mean I have to? -Anonymous
In a word: yes. When you marry your partner, you are marrying their family — even if you don't like them. These are the people who made the person you love, even if that just meant they gave your partner something to rebel against. Like it or not, these people are a part of the person you love, and they're going to be a part of your life.
So, that's the short answer: yes. You have to include them in the wedding, and bigger still: you have to learn how to include them in your life.
Find ways to include your in-laws in a few simple but meaningful ceremonial responsibilities. I asked my father-in-law to ring in our wedding ceremony with a large Tibetan bowl. I asked my mother-in-law to act as our "ring boy" and bring up our rings.
Not knowing much more about your wedding, it's hard to make suggestions … Could they pass out programs? Present the guestbook? Read a poem you selected? Be in charge of tossing some dried lavender as you exit the ceremony? Look for small but visible ways to feature them in your wedding day — it's important. Your wedding is a metaphor … and these people are going to be a part of your family, so think of finding loving, simple, but meaningful ways to involve them in your wedding as the first steps toward finding loving, simple, but meaningful ways to involve them in your life.
The Offbeat Bride:
What made our wedding offbeat: One of the biggest things that made our wedding offbeat was that it was on a Friday the 13th. And our colors reflected that: orange, black, purple, and white. We tried to do everything as cheap as possible. I bought most of our decorations, supplies, etc. on Ebay. We decorated everything ourselves. I made my very own nearly flowerless bouquet. We didn't use tradition music for the ceremony. Oh, and all of my bridesmaids were men.
