Posts tagged with compromising
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I love my fiance but GOD, he's such a fucking GUY. It seems like all the wedding planning stuff ALWAYS FALLS TO ME. He says things like "Oh but honey, you're so good at it." Why won't he help me!? -Jen
 Jen, this is a perennial question, and it seems to be almost as much of an issue with offbeat grooms as for more, well, stereotypical ones.
I wish I could completely skip over the gender issue on this one, but I have to at least acknowledge it. I don't know what there is to say about the fact that some men don't enjoy planning weddings. Is it an embodiment culture-driven gender influences? Probably. Could your guy be lazy? Maybe. Is making gender generalizations about it self-reinforcing these very gender influences you're decrying? Most likely. Are there lesbian couples who deal with this same interest-in-wedding-planning imbalance who don't reduce it to a gender issue? Yes.
We could debate why it happens and what it means and who's to blame for a long time. But really, that's not accomplishing much — what can you actually DO about it? What can you actually LEARN from it?
Continue reading "Acknowledging and learning from partnership imbalances OR "My stupid fiance won't help me with wedding planning"" →
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 The Offbeat Bride: Virginia
Her Offbeat Partner: Lars
Location & date of wedding: Meridian Hills Country Club, Indianapolis, IN — June 2, 2007
What made our wedding offbeat: I tied in my favorite Grimm fairy tale "Snow White and Rose Red" into our Venetian Carnevale theme, to keep guests wondering what was coming next. I wanted to wear a red wedding gown for our entire wedding, but thought it might be too shocking for some of the older guests, as we had a church ceremony before the reception. So, I wore a white traditional gown for the ceremony, then changed into a red silk ballgown for the reception. Both gowns were by Demetrios Couture.
Continue reading "Virginia & Lars' Snow White & the Red Rose Wedding" →
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"How to plan a wedding from afar: part 2"… GO!!! Here are even more tips and tricks to planning a wedding from a location far far away (and not freaking out in the process)! If you missed it last week, here's Part 1!
3) Venue!
Your venue should be among the first things you consider. Planning our Texas wedding from Seattle definitely had it's challenges venue-wise. I had to be dogged about internet research and on the ball with my organizational tools (see "Tools!" section) in order to keep my sanity. I did have to fly to Texas for the venue search, but before I left I scoured the Internet, contacted venues (including rock clubs, outdoor gardens, parks, theatres, sports stadiums, museums, private farms etc.) and started a spreadsheet with possible options broken down into categories.
Because I was only going to be viewing the venues once before choosing the right one, it was imperative to start a list of questions about each venue: capacity, rehearsal times, cleanup rules, parking situation, decorating stipulations, extra costs, kitchen availability…
Continue reading "How to plan a wedding from afar: part 2 (by Shrie)" →
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 I'm by no means a wedding planner. I had never even planned a large event before I got engaged… but in planning our wedding from over 2,000 miles away I found that there ain't jack shit for resources on this topic.
 So here it is, "Shrie's Humble Guide to Planning A Wedding from Afar: Or How to Get Hitched Without Pulling Your Hair Out." I hope my teeny tidbits of advice will help at least one crazed, "I don't know where to start!" bride-to-be looking for a little relief.
Getting married and putting the whole shebang together can be awesome fun. Getting married and putting the whole shebang together at a location 2,100 miles away from where you live can be awesome fun AND a little stressful. Lucky for you, I've been through all that and will graciously divulge all my time-saving, stress-free secrets…
Continue reading "How to plan a wedding from afar: part I (by Shrie)" →
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Whilst I can't wait to marry my fiance, I can't stand his family. The idea of his parents being at our wedding makes me feels sick, and I haven't got a clue how I should be involving them. Any ideas how we can include them in the wedding without making it seem contrived or forced? I understand they're his family, and he loves them, but does that really mean I have to? -Anonymous
In a word: yes. When you marry your partner, you are marrying their family — even if you don't like them. These are the people who made the person you love, even if that just meant they gave your partner something to rebel against. Like it or not, these people are a part of the person you love, and they're going to be a part of your life.
So, that's the short answer: yes. You have to include them in the wedding, and bigger still: you have to learn how to include them in your life.
 Find ways to include your in-laws in a few simple but meaningful ceremonial responsibilities. I asked my father-in-law to ring in our wedding ceremony with a large Tibetan bowl. I asked my mother-in-law to act as our "ring boy" and bring up our rings.
Not knowing much more about your wedding, it's hard to make suggestions … Could they pass out programs? Present the guestbook? Read a poem you selected? Be in charge of tossing some dried lavender as you exit the ceremony? Look for small but visible ways to feature them in your wedding day — it's important. Your wedding is a metaphor … and these people are going to be a part of your family, so think of finding loving, simple, but meaningful ways to involve them in your wedding as the first steps toward finding loving, simple, but meaningful ways to involve them in your life.
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The offbeat bride: Michelle, Engineer (not the kind that drives trains)
Her offbeat partner: John, Doctor (not the kind that helps people)
Location & date of wedding: 54th floor of TD Bank Tower (Canoe Restaurant) in Toronto, ON, Canada on September 2nd, 2008
What made our wedding offbeat: There was never any question as to our wedding date – even before it was discussed, we both knew it would be September 2, the day we met 9 years ago. It just so happened that September 2 fell on a Tuesday this year! Having a weekday wedding made the planning so much easier – we had no trouble finding a venue or vendors, and everyone was flexible when it came to cost.
Continue reading "Michelle & John's Intimate Concrete Jungle Sunset Wedding" →
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My darling fiance and I are going to be building our wedding from the ground up, and as a fellow obsessive planner, I'm enthralled to inject our personalities into every aspect of the ceremony. The only problem is this: I can't get him to offer much input, as his response tends to be "It's your day, and as long as we're married at the end, you can do whatever you want." That's sweet, I guess, but it's not MY day, it's OUR DAY! How can I get him involved in the planning without making him feel forced or out of his element? -Jess
 This is an awesome opportunity for the two of you to sit down and reconstruct the whole "This is the bride's special daaaaaay, and the groom is just an accessory" bullshit. Your marriage is about the two of you, and your wedding should be about the two of you, too. Many men are raised to believe that weddings simply are a woman's place — that they owe it to their fiances and everyone else to just sit quietly and nod. That they have no right to have opinions.
That's bullshit: you're setting up dynamics for your marriage with your wedding, and each partner needs to ask themselves "Do I want quietly nodding to be the dynamic of this relationship?"
Then again, you can't make your fiance care about certain aspects of the wedding that may not interest him…
Continue reading "Getting your offbeat groom involved" →
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