Those of you who have read the book will remember Ben & Joriel. They had a wedding on March 20, 2005, but opted not to get legally married because of concerns with marriage inequality. Yesterday was their third anniversary, and they celebrated by making their commitment legal! I was proud to be a witness at their Seattle courthouse wedding:

So, why did they decide to make get legally married after all these years? The short answer: Joriel is pregnant. The longer answer is eloquently written out on Joriel’s blog:

We still feel strongly that the institution of marriage is not what we wish it was … We can only hope that the institution of marriage will continue to evolve and that perhaps we can help that process along by continuing to challenge homophobia, gender role assumptions, religious persecution, and other forms of oppression in our relationship and in our lives. [read the whole thing]

I don’t need a white dress to feel pretty, and I have no desire to pretend I’m virginal. I don’t need to have Jeff propose to me as if he’s chosen me. I don’t need a ring as a daily reminder to myself or others that I am loved. And I don’t need Jeff to say publicly that he loves me, because he says it privately, not just in words but in daily actions.

This Newsweek article reminded me so much of my friends Ben & Joriel — a couple who could have gotten married but chose not to for reasons of their own. I have several couple-friends like this, and I have a profound respect for their decisions not to get married.

The offbeat bride: Joriel Foltz, writer (and Offbeat Bride lab rat!)

My offbeat groom: Ben Haley, photographer

Location & date of wedding: March 20, 2005, Plant Zero Art Center, Richmond, VA

What made our wedding offbeat: Technically, we didn’t have a wedding. For various reasons we decided not to get legally married. But that didn’t stop us from having a blow-out celebration of our decision to spend the rest of our lives together.

We designed our entire ceremony from scratch, turned an industrial-chic event space into a magical wonderland, and served a homemade vegan buffet that satisfied all but the most maniacal carnivores.

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