bridentity crisis | Offbeat Bride

This is Offbeat Bride's archive of bridentity crisis posts.

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Bride pug sez: treat me like a normal pug, pleez! (Thanks to Darcy for uploading this to our Flickr pool forever ago!)

I am getting married and I am, to the surprise of myself and those around me, not a wreck. Hurrah! However, there are some things I have noticed about the way people are treating me that is causing some strife. So here is my guide to handling me now that I'm a bride.

1. DO NOT ask me if I'll be wearing my glasses on the day. I wear my glasses during every waking hour. I cannot see without them. So, at what point exactly is it sensible for me to take my glasses off? In fact, that leads me to my second rule…

Weddings are overwhelming because they ask individuals to fulfill two identities simultaneously: one identity is making an emotional and personal relationship transition, and the other identity is someone who is throwing an amazing celebration. To make it simple, the first identity is a bride and the second is a host.

So, I'm getting married. Like, picked a date. Like, getting magazines delivered monthly to my door, reserving room blocks, and picking out "my colors." And, although the semi-addicted online shopper in me enjoys parts of this exploration, it does become a glitter and bubbles-filled tornado after awhile. And I was spinning out of control.

I am butch. I have short hair and don't wear bling, or dresses, or sexy underwear, and love button-downs, and am a martial artist… I occupy "masculine" on the public radar. I am very excited for the wedding. but at the end of the day I am damn excited to put on fancy clothes and say nice things to my gentleman and eat awesome food and have our parents meet each other and get my relationship validated by our families. So, why am I so determined to pretend I don't care?

I am feeling the pressure to "give in" to a gown in the white family, like ivory or eggshell. Few people are immediately dismissive of a non-white dress, but over time they begin saying things like, "How will we know who the bride is?" and, "You will look like you're going to prom!" and everything in between. It's started to seep into the more doubtful and anxious parts of me and I start to wonder — "is this BRIDAL enough?"

As an anthropologist, Shrubby observes patterns of behavior for a living. So, of course she couldn't help herself from using this finely-honed skill as she explores the wilds of wedding culture. In this guest post, Shrubby breaks down the idea of the "it's your day" mythology and its implications and uses during wedding planning.

Somewhere in the wedding planning process I gave birth to a beast: you, Wedding-Planning-Me, you were born. And now we have to have a little talk.

We already broached the question of "should I shave my armpits of my wedding day," but let's hear about it first hand from a bride who chose not to shave on her wedding day.