I kicked my best friend out of my wedding and I refuse to feel bad about it #Features#bridesmaids#wedding party October 19 | Guest post by elliesmash Photo by Mike Allebach Photography I have been besties with my bestie since our first day of college. We weathered awful roommates, harsh professors, and bad relationships together. We danced together at the weddings of mutual friends, lamented explosive breakups over bottles of vodka, and supported one another through some pretty rough times. She was one of the first people I asked to be a bridesmaid, and I couldn't imagine getting married without her there. However, as time has gone on, and the wedding has drawn closer and closer, several really harsh truths have come to light about my friendship with my leading lady. Namely, that it's changed. While I used to accept my best friend's harsh criticisms and extreme negativity, I slowly awoke to this gnawing sense that I no longer enjoyed our conversations. No matter what the topic of conversation — the weather, school, the election, mutual friends — it all devolved into a hate-fueled, depressing monologue. I started avoiding her, and then — when I was unable to avoid her and we spent time together — I found myself making any excuse I could to escape her company. I hated myself for it. This was my best friend, and good friends are always there for each other. Right? At first, I tried to be positive for her, and offer suggestions on how to change her situation. She got enthusiastic about every solution, agreeing that she needed to do something, only to never follow through. So I found that I was unable to keep up a positive attitude for long — I was emotionally drained and exhausted after every coffee date. I tried to minimize contact with her, but I wanted her to be in the wedding. Again, this is a fairly important day, and I wanted her to be there. Related Post Of Brides and Zillas Seems like no matter what you do, someone's going to call you a Bridezilla. But we're DONE with the term. "Bridezilla" is the new "Tacky." After a while, though, I knew I couldn't really continue this way and feel good about it. Even then, I was extremely conflicted. The last thing I want to do is be a self-centered, self-important princess about my wedding, and kicking someone out of the wedding party feels like the height of selfishness. "Firing" a bridesmaid feels like the stuff that "bridezillas" are made of. Plus, asking my friend not to be in the wedding also meant possibly losing her forever. And despite her negativity, my best friend still means a lot to me. I don't want to toss her aside when she is obviously so unhappy, but I can't relax and enjoy this wonderful, happy time in my own life when every conversation with her leaves me feeling guilty and drained. Related Post How to fire a bridesmaid Yes, firing a bridesmaid sounds shitty. Honestly, it usually feels pretty shitty. There are lots of different reasons that a bridesmaid just might not work... Read more Finally, I sat down and I wrote my friend a letter. I reminded her of all the wonderful times we had shared in college, and told her I would always be grateful for those times. I told her that recently, talking to her and being there for her had been very hard, because I felt like we had fallen into this pattern of me always reassuring her that she is pretty and of value, and not being able to express my own anxieties and feelings without the focus of the conversation being turned back around onto herself. I told her that I loved her dearly, and I wanted so badly for her to feel better about herself, but that I felt like by continuing in this pattern that I was enabling her. I reminded her that as the wedding got closer, the stress and expenses would increase, and I felt like releasing her from her duties would be the best thing for both of us. I told her she would be listed with the bridesmaids in the program as an honorary bridesmaid. That she was of course invited to the bachelorette party, and to the pre-wedding festivities. But that this way she wouldn't have to worry about buying a dress, or showing up early to the ceremony, or being in photos. I told her that I love her and I think that she is entirely capable of fixing her situation. That maybe speaking to a therapist might be a good solution for her. I told her that she means the world to me, and that I hope that no matter what, we'll always be best friends, and that even if our friendship is never what it once was, that it can someday be really good again. Her reaction was like a face full of angry bees, and then she went silent. I haven't heard from her in weeks. It was hard, and I am sad. But in the end, kicking my best friend out of the wedding was the best thing to do for myself and the others in the wedding party. In fact, telling my best friend the truth about how marginalized and used I felt was good for me anyway, regardless of all this wedding drama. Things change, people change, and gently letting go of a relationship that isn't very good for you can allow space in your life for other people to come in and be wonderful. My bestie will always have a space in my heart and in my life, but my wedding will go on, whether she's attending, or not. And while I might feel like I am a terrible friend at the moment, I know I'm just a human being, doing the best I can, and not martyring myself for the detriment of everyone. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo elliesmash I am a student working on my MSN, and a hospice nurse. I was once an art student and painting and drawing are my first loves. I also knit and play the banjo, ukulele, and guitar. PREVIOUS A daddy/daughter cake smooshing and emerald green dress at this Ohio wedding NEXT Costumes, elves, and the one ring: An epic fantasy and sci-fi literary adventure wedding Show/Hide comments [ 30 ] you did the right thing! I had to do this with my sister during my first wedding for the exact same reasons. As I prepare for my second (LAST!) wedding, we have somewhat mended things, but it's so "on her terms", that I am extraordinarily hesitant to ask her to be in it this time. She seems to be doing better, but I feel that negativity bubbling just under the surface, and I'm not sure I can do the stress of waiting to see if wedding day is the day she brings it out. … At the same time, I don't want to damage the "sort-of" surface OK friendship we have going in because it's actually nice to tak to her! Wishing you all the best, and I think you made a mature and heartfelt move. Good luck!! 8 agree Reply This happened to me too. My best friend from my first day of college was the one friend that I lost in the whole wedding process. She had gone through a divorce after many years of being in a poly relationship with her husband and several women along the way. I supported her as she supported me in my relationship with a married man. When she was going through the divorce, she was already in a relationship and seemed ok with everything. She was not, but not once did she tell me this. However, she expected me to know this automatically because that is what a best friend should do. She then sold her house and made a ton of money from the sale (she told the amount and it was HUGE). Then a month later telling me she could not afford to come to the wedding with her partner and kids. I made suggestions, asked her to just come, and each one was shot down. I realized she just did not want to come to MY wedding. She wrote me the scathing email. We have communicated a couple of times, but essentially the relationship is over. It was a relief because our relationship was very similar to the author's relationship. I was always listening to her and she rarely to me. I miss the relationship we had in our 20's which no longer exists so I really don't miss the relationship we had in the last couple of years. It was hard but I also felt relieved to not have her at the wedding. It is sad. She will always be my friend in some way, just not in the way that I had always imagined. 5 agree Reply Sadly, I can totally relate. I too, miss my BFF very dearly and at times, I've wondered if I've done the right thing, but after hearing your story- I know it was done in love and for the best interest of my PIECE OF MIND! Thanks so much for sharing your story, it has truly touched my heart. 5 agree Reply thank you thank you thank you! This is verbatim as to what I've done/ what's happened to me and I keep finding myself so distraught but yet radio silence from her end after texting me that she was done. It was very much the same with her negativity/lack of support and despite feeling guilty, I wouldn't want to change my decision. I'm happy to know I'm not alone. 5 agree Reply The one question I have is..Did you ever actually talk to her about how you felt? I mean, no, you're not obligated in any way to keep people in your life for any reason, but if you just one day sent her a letter without any other direct communication about how you felt, then I could see why she might be miffed. 61 agree Reply So much what @Dee said. If you went straight from what you describe as enabling her to sending/giving her this letter you basically dropped the floor out from under her. It's fine to let toxic relationships go but a longtime friend deserves more than an abrupt about-face. The fact that you are writing about this means you are hung up on it. Did you ever have a face-to-face with her about any of these issues? 39 agree Reply sometimes multiple face to face doesn't help. they don't "hear" it. don't know what you are talking about, don't think that's true, i didn't do anything wrong here you did by not agreeing with me\taking my side. when you try to let them know their behavior is bothering you. difference between me and the op, i don't feel bad about finally saying enough is enough, and moving on with my life, and neither should the op. there are people in world who just aren't happy unless everyone else around them is miserable. that is not your fault and you don't have to deal with it, they do. i say good job op for standing up. 12 agree Reply I was kicked out of a wedding years ago for what I later found out was a complete misunderstanding. And had that person come to me and talked to me before just kicking me out of her wedding (and asking me to still pay for the bridesmaid dress!) we could have fixed the misunderstanding. But because she didn't do that she didn't just lose a bridesmaid, she lost a friend too. There are too sides and I really hope you actually spelled it out for your "bestie" instead of just writing her off. Obviously it's up to you and if you felt that you didn't want the friendship anymore then that's fine. And I feel that way too about the bride that kicked me out of her wedding I dodged a bullet not having to take time off work or spend a bunch of money for someone who couldn't even be up front with me. However I just can't understand how someone can end what is supposedly a close friendship without talking it out with the other person first. 18 agree Reply I don't think you were wrong to end the friendship. But I think it was a mistake to tell her she could do all the wedding activities except the wedding & the photos (unless I am misunderstanding & you meant she could still be guest); I mean, that part was a little odd. I'm sure it made her think "well geez, you want me to splash out gifts on you but not be in the wedding ? nuh uh…" Maybe a simpler approach would've been to quietly drop her after the wedding & chalk it up to "Oh sorry, Sally, my life is just so busy with work / moving right now." 19 agree Reply Perhaps this was one of the things upsetting her bridesmaid, and she had mentioned reassuring her that she was pretty etc. Reply I'm in the same situation right now after having read this article 4 months ago and writing a long, honest letter to my MOH. We had several talks about her negative behavior and the letter came after she threw a massive tantrum in the bridal shop at my first dress fitting (backstory: she's only been married a year, I was her MOH, her marriage is already not working out; she says weddings are her "trigger"?. Plus she has no filter so most things she says come out snide, judgemental, and extremely negative anyway which makes fun things… Not fun at all). She got a bit better/more involved the weeks that followed but then reverted to her negative, belittling, tantrum-throwing attitude (my breaking point was at my bridal shower with her disrespecting my family, and my "new" one). My fiancé pointed out after the bridal shop incident, "if she does that at a dress shop what is she gonna do at the wedding?"… It was a terrifying thought. In a nutshell, some times that decision can't come post-wedding when you think that person will create an uncomfortable, disastrous environment for you and your partner, and everyone else involved who actually IS happy to be there/involved. Reply Thank you for sharing this. I know how hard it must have been and how hard it must be still. I had a similar experience. My former friend and I had always planned to be in each other's weddings. In fact, she is the only close friend I have had over the last 15 years, other than my fiance. Shortly before I started making wedding plans, things started to get shaky with her. She became a self-pitting, emotionally abusive, hate monger with a massive sense of entitlement. She would be emotionally cruel to me and then say it was because of the trauma she suffered when I was abused by my ex-husband six years ago. (Abuse that left me disabled and with PTSD. I get that she was affected by what happened to me, but I am certain I suffered more.) I tried talking to her about what she was doing. She would turn it into a case of me not empathising with what she had gone through. I began to feel sick everytime I thought of talking with her. I ended our friendship about two months after I started planning my wedding. Since then, my fiance and I decided not to have any sort of wedding party. I admit that there are times that I wish she could be here with me; however, I cannot share happiness with someone who cannot be happy. 6 agree Reply Friendships change over time, and sometimes the direction that change takes SUCKS. Having to deal with this while in the middle of wedding planning probably sucks even more. I've been on both sides of this sort of situation (both as the "dumper" and the "dumpee"), and I still think you did the right thing. It's not selfish to take care of you, even if it might feel like it. 9 agree Reply Wow. Just wow. In my mid-20's I was very depressed, and became very negative. On one trip to visit my BFF (we'd know each other since high school) she and her husband talked about kicking me out because I was so negative. I'm glad she didn't. That would have been the end of our friendship. Instead she listened to me, supported me. Gently told me she thought I needed some help. I was able to tell her how I was struggling and what help I was getting. I'm now in my early 40's and will forever be grateful that she didn't just kick me out. Instead she showed me love and compassion, and we are still close friends, even though we live on opposite coasts. 48 agree Reply I totally agree that depression isn't bad friend behavior and in and of itself nothing to end a friendship over. I know I have needed a lot when I've been depressed and I've been very lucky to have got that and at the beginning of reading this piece my guilt over that (despite the fact that support was freely given) was definitely triggered. However, I have also experienced people whose pain is so immense that they, sadly, became bullies and moving through it, I feel the piece is talking about this second kind of behavior. It's really really horrible to have to end a friendship with someone you know needs help, but which you can't give, because they are too dangerous. However, it sounds like a beautiful friendship you have, if your friend was able to be honest and you were able to hear her, even in your pain, it's connections like that that make life great! 9 agree Reply Yes, bad times can sometimes breed bullies. Reply I can relate. This past summer I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend's destination wedding. I'm one of her longest friends although we haven't really been that close. I was delighted to accept, not thinking first about the financials obligations this would put on me. It was until after I accepted that I thought about the cost of the dress, accessories, gifts then the actual trip to get there (plus our family) and realising she still had the same expectations of me as a bridesmaid whether the wedding was in town or not! It was an oversight on my part and when I tried to talk to her about it, it felt like she was questioning every financial decision I had made which obviously was none of her business. Now quite a few months later, we're talking again and I've been invited to all the pre-wedding events but it's a slow process. I don't know if we'll ever get through this but I know now if I'm ever asked by someone again, to think first about if I can afford it, not just get emotionally excited and blurt out a YESS!!! 3 agree Reply Well, if you're feeling emotionally abused by her and/or always fight, you made the right decision. 2 agree Reply It’s hard to put in all the detail that was behind a decision to end a friendship into a piece as short as this has to be because it’s a piece on a website and not a novel, so I can see why those who have never had to do this may fully understand. Ellismash it’s a great piece though! I have had to end a friendship over this kind of behaviour and it’s really really hard. It’s not as simple as it’s annoying having a depressed friend so I’m going to kick them out. Of course anyone going through depression needs a little extra friendship currency, I’ve been there as the depressed person myself. But the friendship I ended was different, this person endlesslessly picked fights with me in order to fuel their depression/negativity spiral (If I held a different opinion on even the most neutral of subjects they were incredulous and took if very badly, constantly picking at it and pushing me into defending my position) and was insecure and very very jealous of anyone else in my life. When this person was in a rare good place they could be a good listener although they frequently interrupted me to tell me off for not defending myself in a situation I was describing, but when they were not they were like a swarm of angry bees and about as rational, I was once severely told off for not asking how they were first for instance. This person was not just needing a bit extra and not really in a place to give it back, they were kind of consistently demanding extra an almost pathologically unable to give it back. We met through mutual friends and bonded over bitching about issues with people in our families, but when we spent time together it was usually just the two us not a larger group. As I began to move to a more accepting place and out of my anger this person didn’t. About halfway through our friendship this person called me over and gave me an ultimatum over my bad behaviour as a friend. They had tossed aside a guy they were seeing who was really into them and who was so heartbroken he asked not to have contact for a bit and when asked if I thought that was really crap of him not to hang around and still be a friend I had said that that seemed reasonable and why not give him some space. I was issued an ultimatum over this so I walked. A few years later we ran into each other again and this person seemed to have matured and we began to hang out again. It all went wrong when a close relative became seriously ill and I was away a lot caring for them. My friend called me to a meeting where I was told I was a bad friend because I wasn’t sufficiently managing my life enough to be there for them. Again I was given and ultimatum and again I walked. Each time I felt terrible, this person was and probably still is very messed up and suffering a lot inside. But they were incapable of not lashing out in that pain. I tried so hard and I even went back a second time but I could not, and it is not my job, to save this person. Being depressed is not bad friendship behaviour, using a friend as an emotional punchbag is. It can take a long time to realise that you are being used, and let’s be frank, abused like this, I know that seems insane when you read what I have just written but it really did take a long time for me to admit how unbalanced the friendship was. When I was issued with the ultimatums I took that chance. There was no point in trying to explain it to my friend and see if their behaviour would change, if they were capable of understanding the issue it wouldn’t have been there in the first place. Which is not to say they were not capable of changing but not with me, not at that time. To put it very starkly, it is not the victim’s job or responsibility to help change the abuser. That’s the sad truth, that this friend in their pain, bullied and abused me, someone they really actually quite cared about and that means I have no responsibility, whatsoever, to them. 13 agree Reply People bond by venting. Venting about something that's bugging you gives you a feeling of release, and it's easy to get hooked to that feeling. You start venting instead of enthusing, because it's less risky – people might criticise the thing you're enthusing about and bring you down, but if you're being critical you're already safe from that, plus you can get the positive reinforcement of other people criticising it too. You don't realise that it starts weaseling into your way of thinking until you start bringing yourself down, and you have to make a real, active effort to stop. And part of that effort usually results in becoming distanced from other negative people, because now you're bringing them down by disagreeing with them about their venting. I knew a couple of people at my old work who were excessively negative, and what got me about both of them was that they could see it in each other, but not in themselves. There was a lot of sniping about not getting promotions because they felt picked on "and it's not like I'm always putting this place down, unlike some people". Even with stuff they loved, it wasn't "I found a great salon", it was "all the other salons are crap". If you said "I love your necklace," you got "I hated the seller, and the price, and the packaging, and that it wasn't as nice as this other necklace I couldn't afford…". When you put to either of them they were being negative, it was always "well, but this thing deserves it" or "but not as negative as so-and-so", and if you didn't agree they'd keep changing the subject until they found something you also felt negatively about (or walk off to find someone else). I'd be loath to describe either as depressed (though obviously it's a possibility) because in a lot of respects both were quite cheerful about being negative. It was how they'd learnt to bond with people, and it worked for them. It's a great social tool, negativity, because tearing things down together is a shared activity. It's just also very, very damaging – even if you're not depressed, the person you're tearing things down with might be, and they're not going to walk away from the conversation with the same little endorphin rush you got from it. It's hard to move a friendship on when it's started with negativity, but if you can find something to enthuse about together, sometimes it's possible. 10 agree Reply I don't know how I feel about this. On one hand, I get cutting negativity out of your life, but to ask a girl who has been supportive of you for years to step down because you just can't handle being supportive of her anymore (after you already asked her), is weird. 'Hey, getting married is totally stressful, and you're just making me sad by clearly having issues, so you can't be my bridesmaid anymore but you can still totally come to the celebrations and bring gifts! Kisses!' 37 agree Reply You absolutely did the right thing! People change, and friendships change, and something as stressful as a wedding does NOT need added drama that can easily be avoided. Good on you for having the courage to step away from someone who was causing more harm than good. 6 agree Reply Okay, wow. I thought I was the only terrible person to kick someone out of my wedding. I didn't get a "first wedding." We got married in a courthouse and we spent far too much time during our marriage in a courthouse, and finally, were divorced in – you guessed it – a courthouse. So when I was lucky enough to snag "the one that got away" I knew my wedding (my one and only wedding!) had to be perfect. From day one, it went awry. First, my husband to be accidentally invited someone to be in my side of the party that I DID NOT WANT. But she was family, so I nodded and smiled. This rearranged my entire idea for the wedding party, and the size of it. Due to finances, we had to keep it small, so I found myself crossing off great potentials and trying to stick to those who were closest to me. One of my oldest best friends came bounding into the bar one day and showed me her gorgeous ring. Guess when her wedding was? Two weeks after mine! (After we cooled our friendship down a few months later due to her negative attitude and complete hatred for anything I suggested for my own wedding, I found out she ended up getting married on the same date my groom and I had chosen. She had been hoping to lure our guests over to hers instead. Can you see why we aren't friends anymore?) I initially asked my sister to be my MOH. She was thrilled, but then it dawned on me that she was broke, and so was I. This meant she could not afford the expenses of being a bridesmaid, and I couldn't afford to cover them. Also, she lived two hours away at the time and wouldn't you know it… she also became engaged while I was, and her date was four months after mine. Meaning, right when things got down to the nitty gritty, she'd be neck-deep in her own planning. So I had a heart to heart with her and told her it would be better for both of us if she focused on her wedding and I focused on mine with someone else. It was SO HARD and to this day, I regret it. I replaced her with the girl who was my closest friend at the time, who had helped me make it possible to even BE with my fiancee again. She had been super loyal, helpful, and seriously indispensable during this period of my life, and I was so excited when she was stoked to be in my wedding. It was the plan we'd had since we were in 8th grade. But as time went on and I spent more time reconnecting with my fiancee (we'd been apart for five years and had a lot of time to make up for) she grew a little resentful of that and started to pull away from me. It came down to two months before the wedding when bridesmaid dresses NEEDED to be ordered, and she told me, "you're just not a priority in my life." Needless to say, that stung. Hard. So I quietly "unfriended" her and called back my sister. But guess what? The other bridesmaid, the one I hadn't even invited to be in the party, told me she had already ordered her dress. Which did not come in a size anywhere near what my sister would need. While I look back on it and think how stupid it was that I chose to listen to my OCD rather than my heart, I again told my sister "actually…thanks but no thanks." (ps- I'm an awful, terrible sister.) So I called up my last resort, a fun cousin whom I'd always been close with. Maybe not "MOH" close, but close nonetheless, and she had the funds and the figure to fit in the dresses I'd chosen. Within a week, I'd asked her to fill in, she'd ordered her dress, and had planned a super awesome bachelorette party, despite all the nudity she included, lol. She came through in a pinch and even hooked me up with a fabulous hairstylist who took care of my hair as a wedding present. About a week before the wedding, I was informed that the other girl had NOT ordered her dress as she had told me she had. She ended up paying almost twice as much to get it rushed, and we have maybe two pictures of us together throughout the whole day because well, we're not really friends. It still makes me sad that I chose color coordination over my own sister, who didn't hesitate to make me her MOH in her own wedding. So guys, go with your gut. And if their gut doesn't fit in the "perfect" dress, then it's not the perfect dress. Don't be an asshole like me. 3 agree Reply Depression is an awful thing. Not only for the person struggling with it but for those Around them. Providing solutions will not work – the person needs to work out their own solutions. What they need meanwhile is SUPPORT and not rejection. I find your move cold and something I could never do. I am glad you've been able to find peace with it; as I never would be able to. 26 agree Reply I have depression and I have depressed friends, and I've leaned on them and they've leaned on me during hard times. Somehow we all managed not to be completely shitty and self-centered during these hard times. Bad behavior isn't mental illness. I think OP did the right thing to get out of a friendship that had become unhealthy. 9 agree Reply I once ended a friendship with my best school friend because I coudln't handle her negativity anymore because I was depressed myself. I still regret this decission. I let her down and that was the worse thing I could do. I was a bad friend. I once also ended a friendship with someone that always took advantage of me. It was a good decision, however I still miss her sometimes. She did wrong to me. Everything depends on situation. But I think it's hard to let a friend down while they need your support the most. I did it once. People did it with me. And friendships never get the same anymore. 2 agree Reply There's only but so much information you can put into a webpost such as this, but I feel like the op did what was best for her well being by removing herself from the situation. I've been in a situation similar to this before. My best friend of several years started to become increasingly negative. I would try to do everything I possibly could to cheer her up, listening for hours to her venting, offering advice when asked, reminding her of the good things she had in her life, encouraging her to do things that made her happy. During that same time, I started struggling as well. I mentioned it to her and she would dismiss it, saying that her problems were more important (yes, she actually said that). I kept trying to talk with her, and every single time I brought up issues that I was having she would dismiss it or change the subject to herself. I would tell her she wasn't listening to me to no avail. I began bottling my sadness and emotions up and simultaneously developing resentment every time I listened to her complain. I started reaching out to other people who were much more reciprocal in their friendships. And then at one point after being fed up with months of this treatment, cut off all communication. I felt bad doing it. I was genuinely concerned that she wouldn't be able to deal with the challenges she was facing without being able to express them. But I don't regret it at all. I was going down a very challenging path too, only I had no one to listen to me. If I hadn't stopped that toxic relationship and found friends who were willing to have a little give and take, I don't know how I would be now. Anyways, I'm probably projecting a bit. But I do understand how you can both care so strongly about someone, but also need to remove yourself from them. I wish you both the best and I hope that time will heal the wounds of your friendship. 4 agree Reply Thank you for writing this! Something very similar happened to me, but I was the maid of honor who dropped out because of the bride's negativity. The wedding planning hadn't even begun and I started to realize our friendship had changed. She treated me poorly and I didn't enjoy our time together. I wrote her a letter gently explaining myself and yeah, you said it: "face full of angry bees." We met for a 'talk' after she read my letter and she essentially screamed at and insulted me for an hour, then we parted ways and it ended our relationship. I will always be sad about the friend I lost, but her reaction also vindicated my decision to drop out of her wedding. At first I was concerned about being the awful bitchy one and hurting my friend, but after things played out, I have no regrets about my decision. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and I hope your wedding is amazeballs! 😀 1 agrees Reply I just broke with a friend off 11 years. Both of us got engaged and we have our date planned 2 weeks after one another. Because of this I knew she would be on her honeymoon during my wedding so I invited her to come out wedding dress shopping and everything else so she would feel included even though she wouldn't be there that day. Anyway, I've been battling depression for some time now and I am sick We don't know how yet but safe to say that I'm in and out of the doctors office for new tests to figure out what is wrong with me. I'm really stressed about these things and my mind doesn't work as well but I try not to complain about it. As I have my love by my side every day. Anyway one day I forgot to ask her how her day was trying on wedding dresses (note that she was invited to my day but I wasn't to hers) because my mind was just so depressed that I couldn't handle it and shied away of everything that would make me feel horrible. She blew a fuse I was a horrible friend and such an selfish B***h. I fell apart She had to think about if she still wanted to be friends with me because I couldn't be there for her and didn't have the decency to ask about the most important thing in her wedding. I talked with friends of mine if they thought the same and they told me that she was acting like a bridezilla. I've always been there for her. Day or night she could call me and she did. But at the time when I was not doing so well all she could focus on was that our friendship wasn't the same. (She did this before and the only way to fix it was to apologize for everything. I ate so much humble pie for her just in the name of friendship I got stuffed) God forbid that she had to think about me to. I wrote her an email telling her that I was done. If she couldn't accept that the things I did wasn't to hurt her. But just because that's how my brain was working right now I didn't want to be friends anymore. I was done with humble pie couldn't stomach it any longer. She lashed out saying that I still didn't explain why I did or didn't do curtain things. At that moment I didn't care anymore. I let her have the last words. It still hurts as it has only been a week. But my brain gives me enough negativity as it is. I don't need anybody else giving me that too Reply Friendships are difficult and people do change. I feel for you and hope that you can heal somehow and find at least one good friend that you can share and trust. Opening up and being vulnerable are not easy. I have trouble with that too. I have not myself been able to sustain long-term friendships. 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