No, he doesn't wear a ring

No he doesnt wear a ring

I follow a few popular wedding-related Twitter accounts — I chalk it up to a market research kind of thing. Most of the time I just ignore the tweets as 98% of them are pure WIC fluff. "Flowers worthy of escorting you down the aisle." "Have you ever thought of wearing a red wedding dress!?" "The time between your engagement and your wedding is an ideal time to begin a regular beauty and fitness regimen." "Make sure to buy more things! You need more things! Things that are shiny!" And then this tweet caught my eye:

"Do U Care if UR Husband (or Future Husband) Doesn't wear a Wedding Ring?"

I read it and immediately wanted to tweet back — Why the hell would I care!? Why the hell would anyone care!? And so on. But I thought, naw, totally not worth my time. And then it got worse as I read this response:

Even better question. RT @[redacted]: @BrideTide More important question: WHY wouldn't he want to?

Ooooh, my blood was boiling after reading that. To question someone's love and basic morality based on the fact that they don't want to wear a piece a of jewelry just seemed beyond insulting to me.

So I just had to respond in the piddly 140 characters at my disposal:

@BrideTide Why not? Bc he has a job where wearing jewelry is dangerous. Bc he hates wearing jewelry. Bc he doesn't need 1 to show he's committed [cont.] Mine doesn't wear a wedding ring and I couldn't care less. He gave it a go at first and he just never got used to it. S'okay by me

And it is okay by me! I'll be honest that at first I was bummed… I think wedding rings on a dude (especially your own dude) are sexy! Every time I saw that flash of metal on his finger I gave me a thrill — it's all sexy "grown up" of him.

But when I stepped back and looked at the reality of the situation I saw that, honestly, that ring spent more time spinning on the table in front of him, or alternately, rolling off the table and onto the floor, than on his finger. And I just saw how uncomfortable it made him. He really HATES wearing jewelry, and he complained that the air conditioning in the recording studio where he works made the ring so cold that his finger ached.

Now, I could've bitched and nagged and guilted my husband into just accepting his be-ringed fate, but I had realize that, even though that ring gave me a thrill, it's not at all worth his discomfort for one minute.

And what's the point of it really? 'It's symbol to show that he's devoted and faithful to me,' is what I came up with. But isn't it okay that the symbol just be that he freaking MARRIED ME!? I mean, what more do I need? This man stood in front of family, friends, and a few complete strangers, and exchanged vows with me — do I need more than THAT? And the answer was, obviously, no. There doesn't need to be a physical symbol when his vows alone and my trust in him are enough to show me (and everyone else?) that he is devoted and faithful to me.

So, no, he doesn't wear a ring, and I'm okay with it. But I'll keep wearing mine because I think it's purrrrty.

And for you LOTR nerds out there, you might get a kick out of the version of this post that my husband created late last night while I was sleeping, unawares… No, he doesn't wear "the precious."

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  1. I am just going to weigh in with this: My husband wears his ring far more often than I wear mine. He puts it on to go into clients' offices. He says it makes him look "responsible". I forget to put mine on most days. Neither of us cares. At All. Wear it, don't wear it. Just don't lose it because it costs $.

  2. My fiance is a firefighter and I am a massage therapist so needless to say we both hardly wear our rings. Honestly we barely remember to wear them on our days off lol… I don't think its a big deal.

  3. Decisions like this made between couples seem to cause a lot of drama for others who don't seem to WANT to understand the real reasons behind those decisions.

    My husband recently started taking off his wedding ring because he has *cough* put on a little weight, and the ring tends to pinch his finger, and coincidentally causes his hands to become cold due to bad circulation. I'd buy him another ring, but that seems silly and a waste of funds. Everyone we know is very aware of our marriage. Even former customers he use to work with walk up to me and say, "Hey! You're blah blahs wife! Congratulations!" It's kinda weird but nice.

    I've also recently stopped wearing my engagement ring because I was 1) afraid of losing it (I take it off to wash my hands) and 2) I have a fear of being mugged for my jewelry. My rings aren't necessarily expensive, but they mean a lot to me and I wouldn't want them to be lost because I'm lazy and particular about hand washing. 😉

    1 agrees
    • "Decisions like this made between couples seem to cause a lot of drama for others who don't seem to WANT to understand the real reasons behind those decisions." I love that! It's so true.

      Btw, I'm going on 5+ years of that guy I married not wearing a ring, and it's completely a non-issue at this point. In fact, no one's even brought it up in YEARS. Which is great.

      1 agrees
  4. We both have wedding rings. My husband takes his off all the time and I am more worried he'll lose it somewhere since this has already happened.

    Being in the military, it slipped off during PT one day and he went and borrowed a metal detector and spent all day looking for it with a buddy of his. They found a ton of trash before they found his ring.

    But he does take it off when he's playing with the dogs (we have small dogs and one pretty much got a black eye while rough housing), or for work. I told him to not wear it when he does PT or what not.

    In all honesty I don't care, it's a ring. The same ring that just about all the other military guys have. But seriously, it's just a ring. My sister and her husband don't wear their bands at all and she doesn't have an engagement ring. Some people don't need a ring. Some people can't wear them. And some people get tired of stones coming loose or falling off. (My niece's husband got a matching band to hers complete with diamonds on it. He no longer feels comfortable wearing it after loosing almost all the stones after only 2 years of marriage).

  5. If you are so insecure in your relationship that you need him to wear a ring to show the world that he's taken, then you should reevaluate your relationship. We are doing the ring thing, but I forget my engagement ring by the dishes all the time and he doesn't care. Likewise if his ends up in the ring dish before a night on the town, I would never question his loyalty.

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  6. I don' wear my wedding ring, my husband wears his every day and it's never off. Bizarely I make wedding tiaras and accessories and don't really enjoy wearing jewellery, I love looking at it and own lots and make lots and always wear new designs for a week to make sure they 'work' but I prefer my jewellery in a box.

    Being married isn't about a ring, its a commitment, my commitment to my husband is no less just because I choose not to wear a symbol of it. I am married, I have pledged to love and respect my husband and his choices, he choose to do the same at the same time, that is enough for us.

  7. Mine works with engines keeps his in his pocket but we're getting anchor ring tats he said he wanted something there. But I agree the risk working on boats is too dangerous. When were out he wares it. My dad same way he worked on machines. Nothing wrong with not wearing it. He's got a bigger ring around his heart marrying you 🙂 but it is sey when they do

  8. We exchanged rings and my husband wore his for the first few months… then he lost close to 100lbs. and it didn't fit anymore. I kept wearing mine because I loved it, but then I lost like 50lbs. and mine didn't fit either. We couldn't get his sized because it's titanium, and at first talked about buying him a new one and started saving up to get him a new one and get mine resized… then we realized after a few months that it was silly and there were a lot of things we would rather spend that money on. I bought a sized for mine and wear it sometimes but not everyday, he put his on a chain and wears that sometimes… we used the money to take a second honeymoon to Universal to visit Springfield and The Wizarding World on our 2 year anniversary. I'll take the memories over the jewelry any day.

  9. It is an amazing article for me because we have the opposite problem. In traditional Jewish Israeli culture, women wear rings but men do not usually. In a traditional ceremony the only one making a vow is the husband to the wife and the ring is a token of that vow. The wife doesn't even speak. She shows her consent for the wedding by allowing the groom to cover her with her veil. I think it is summed up best in our language. The word for wife in Hebrew is "Isha" which directly translated means "Woman" but husband is "Ba'al" meaning "Master".
    I run with a pretty progressive crowd. When we said we didn't want to get married in Israel under the religious authority, they said great. When we said we wanted to both exchange vows, they said ok. So I thought they would approve when I gave my fiance an engagement band as well. Also, though I call him Ba'ali "My Master" (it sounds very S&M in English but it doesn't have a sexual connotation) he calls me Giverai "My Mistress"….aaaannnd people lost their minds. I was told by bi-sexual girls with pink hair that I was being too dominate of my fiance and he would get tired of it and runaway. No one wants a Ballabusta ( a tough bossy ass housewife), I was told. His friends questioned his masculinity.
    In short as offbeat brides, no matter where we live, are going to force people to question customs they think are natural, even if they are anything but natural. It is demeaning to think that without a band of gold a man will be unfaithful or with one he is less of a man. Some times we catch some flack for rubbing against the grain but for me and my wonderful fiance who is secure enough in himself to treat me as an equal, it is the only way to be 🙂

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  10. I couldn't agree more. My fiance probably won't wear his much, if at all after the wedding and honeymoon. His job makes it potentially dangerous to wear it as well as the fact that he is a hunter and I would really rather him not lose it in some marsh during a hunt. I told him he has to have one but mainly so we can exchange on the wedding day. If he wears it once a year, I'm ok with that. The marriage isn't about a stupid ring.

  11. He will have a ring for the ceremony and special occasions, but he works with dry ice on a regular basis and him wearing a ring is not worth possibly losing his finger at work! He has, however, opted to get a tattoo instead. It will say "all my love all my life" in french and the same will be engraved inside my wedding ring. We were actually just discussing our wedding tattoos this morning…he will have his ring tattoo and we will both have our wedding date tattooed on our wrist…I already have a tattoo on my wrist that says Love in support of TWLOHA and my beautiful niece who has struggled with cutting, so adding the date we chose to commit ourselves to this shared life feels right for me.

  12. I agree that I think it's a personal decision made by the couple, and really none of anyone business! It's infuriating when people say judgmental statements like "Why wouldn't he!?!" Like you said, there are lots of reasons. And for the record a ring doesn't actually mean that someone is more or less committed to a relationship!

    However, I'll be honest. The whole concept of the woman wearing the engagement ring after the couple gets engaged does bother me a little bit. There is no expectation that the man will need to wear a ring in the WIC. It does make my inner-feminist go "hey, wait a minute! What century is this!?!"

    That being said, my guy will wear a ring once we're married and sometime before. I am currently wearing an engagement ring and he's not. We're still 14 months out 'til the wedding and once we have enough money saved up we'll buy his wedding ring so he can wear it as an "engagement" ring. He was a little indifferent to the ring concept until we went ring shopping. Then I think he got a little excited about having something that could make a statement about his style that is also a statement of us.

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  13. I wonder if I'm the only one with the opposite "problem" (in quotes because neither wearing a ring nor NOT wearing a ring is inherently a problem in my book)–my fiance couldn't wait to wear his ring! Shortly after I bought it, he wore it for a few hours to get used to the feel (he plays bass and we both wondered whether it would get in the way) and got hooked. Now he's wearing it all the time (pre-wedding). Some people think it's weird or ask him why. I think it's sweet that he can't wait to be married to me and wants to show it. His mother of course jumped to her personal version of a worst case scenario and asked him if we were "shacking up" (wait, wouldn't a ring be a more likely sign of having eloped than that anyway??). Hehe.

  14. My fiance isn't too keen on wearing jewelry either. He'd rather have a nice watch to symbolize our marriage.

    My mother doesn't wear her wedding ring because it's made out of coral. She wears her emerald anniversary ring or her diamond right hand ring instead.

  15. My fiancé and I have matching engagement tattoos near our hip bones.

    2 agree
  16. I do look forward to seeing A in his ring eventually, but it certainly won't be every day. He mucks about in caves, aquariums, the river, and wherever else our head naturalist leads him; outside of work he is typically covered in corrosive art stuff. I'm completely okay with that – cause he has his eye on a pricey bit of metal and I don't want to pay for a replacement.

    My Dad and Mom hit 41 years last month, and he's never had a wedding ring. The symbolism of commitment is so personal that sometimes we can Miss it entirely.

    When I was 12, his wallet was stolen and he was beyond distraught. It was found a few weeks later in a burned out building. When he got it back the first thing he checked wasn't cash or cards. He checked the picture flap. He didn't care about the money, he needed to see if my mom's senior picture was still there. It was taken about a month before they got married and it's probably his most precious possession.

    My Dad never faltered in loving her, even though they had some rough times. He never lied about being married. He worships my Mom and there's no piece of metal that can make that happen magically. It's the integrity of the man or woman that enforces the exchanged promises.

    To infer otherwise, is like saying that if you wear lipstick, you must be going on the pull. Which having pitched to us is just rude and a bit predatory.

    Watches, rings, necklaces, tattoos, and pbotos are all beautiful symbols. But it's the people involved who make the real Bond work. And they dont owe anyone a show, a symbol, or an explanation.

  17. My Hub was really apprehensive about the ring. So I told him we'd go look at some rings together- I had a feeling he'd like something hammered or the like. Sure enough, we found one hammered that he slipped on, looked at me, and started singing the Game of Thrones theme. Then wouldn't stop. I laughed& said "yeah, we'll take that one." He got used to how it felt to wear & loves it now.

    But had we not found one he liked, or had he not gotten used to it, I'm with you. Who cares? Marriage is more than weddings & rings. Not wearing one doesn't make a person any less committed. Not acting committed or being faithful is what makes someone less committed, and news flash, a ring is not a magical force field to stop that!

  18. Let me just say, my parents have been married for nearly 40 years and I've never seen a ring on my dads finger. I didn't even know he owned a ring until I was in my late teens- my mom found it in an old jewelry box. No one I know has ever considered my parents any less married because my dad doesn't wear a ring and NO ONE ever questioned my fathers commitment to my mother. Marriage is an internal commitment, it doesn't need to be validated by an external possession, it's validated completely by the love between two people. Anyone who implies otherwise is missing the point- a marriage is still a marriage, a love a love whether the couple decides for rings, against rings, tattoos instead of rings, or wedding necklaces instead of tattoos.

  19. I'm in your boat….seeing a ring on my husband's finger made me swoon! He wore the one we got married with until he started dropping weight (it's been replaced twice since then) all becoming too big. He carries a firearm for work and when it became more of a hazard for him to wear it, the decision was made not to. Although, he was never a jewelry wearer to begin with (he gets props for trying) he seems much more comfortable without it. At first it bothered me. Now I just glance at my name he opted to have tattooed down his left forearm as a sentimental replacement.

  20. My parents never wore their wedding bands. I don't even know if my dad ever had one (He's a welder too!) and my only wore a diamond band on special occasions. I also have two good friends, the husband never wears his band and the wife only wears her engagement ring. Both couples have been happily married for over 20 years.

  21. When my husband and I married we didn't have rings because we couldn't afford them. We had a second wedding to pacify my religious family where the bought us rings. We never wear them. He works as a computer programmer so it's not comfortable and I forget. He married me twice we don't need ring to prove we are committrd.

  22. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If he can't remember he's married without a wedding ring, what makes you think he'll remember with it on?

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  23. We've discussed the ring thing…he's not a fan of jewelry but he promises to give the thing a go. My feelings are pretty in line with the OP; While it matters somewhat to me and it's definitely my preference that he wear it, ultimately, I love him enough to choose his comfort over my own emotional attachment to the symbolism.

    We're going to try to find one he can tolerate and see how it goes.

  24. What I'm wondering is, are there other solutions out there that we haven't thought of yet? My fiance is a contractor, and in the same situation of wanting to wear a ring (or at least being open to it) but knowing that it's too dangerous to wear at work, and not wanting to be taking it off all the time, for fear of losing it.

    We've talked about the tattoo option, but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or ideas about solutions that would allow the default to be that he wears his ring on a daily basis, without the danger of getting hurt. A silicone ring that won't damage his finger? A chain around his neck where he can wear the ring if he's doing dangerous/hard-on-the-hands work? We've talked about the tattoo option too, but just want to see if there are other "physical" ring options out there we haven't thought of. Thanks!

  25. My SO is a beekeeper, and works with his hands a lot, so it isn't really practical for him to wear a ring…he also dislikes wearing jewelry. I'm mainly happy with him not wearing a ring, but really want to exchange rings in the ceremony…any ideas? We've thought I could wear his ring around my neck post-ceremony, but I am not really a necklace person…Ill be wearing my engagement ring (which may double as my wedding ring bc why not).

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