Category Archive

Philosophizing

How do you feel about your wedding? What does it all mean? How does wedding planning a metaphor for the rest of your life?

alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

The joy of NO: What offbeat-types can teach you about saying “no,” even to yourself

Being on the wild end of the offbeat spectrum does confer certain disadvantages and benefits. You’ve gotten really good at deflecting or ignoring criticism, maintaining internalized self worth, and just generally saying NO. NO to feeling bad about yourself, NO to apologizing for your choices, NO to altering your life to suit the preferences of others. NO is a goddamn survival skill. This is fucking invaluable as shit when wedding planning.

2966792538 098923227c b alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

Our elopement that people were invited to attend: re-thinking what “eloping” means

Our elopement was attended by 60 people… 60 people who were all invited. That’s not an elopement you say? I say, well then maybe it’s time to change your definition of elopement! It might actually make your wedding planning way less stressful.

hassan052 alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

My Nigerian engagement ceremony bridentity crisis

I’m generally of the belief that your wedding is not always about you, but it should reflect you: your beliefs, your values, and your community. But how could I feel good about a ceremony where I didn’t feel like myself and nothing else felt like me either? In the end, it was really been a two-step process…

Original photo by Cheriejoyful alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

Othering: the ways offbeat types push ourselves away

Over the years, I’ve seen something come up time and time again from Offbeat Bride readers: people will send an email, post on the Tribe, or leave a comment that basically amounts to, “Do I REALLY count as an Offbeat Bride? Do I really belong here?” I think of it as the Offbeat Bride’s version of othering: this way those of us who’ve defined ourselves as non-normative have of pushing ourselves away from other people. The push makes sense, of course — if you live in a region where your politics aren’t aligned with those around you, of course you’re going to feel a push, and like you need to clearly define yourself as “not that.” There are a lot of social and cultural contexts where it makes perfect sense that people who feel a little bit off the beaten path would push against the people and society around them. What makes less sense to me is when I see us push against each other…

6013776094 89ef9750e9 b alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

On feminism, marriage equality, and my impending marriage

My impending marriage has certainly forced me to confront expectations, and to articulate and affirm the values and ideas which I hold most dear. For me, these would be feminism and marriage equality. However, the prospect of my impending marriage (to a lovely, understanding, open-minded and progressive straight cis-man) has forced me to clarify my perspectives on these two ideas to a much greater extent than ever before. In the process, I have become even firmer in my support of these two positions. Why has my position on feminism and marriage equality been strengthened? I’ll explain.

veryseriouswife alternative wedding ideas from Offbeat Wed (formerly Offbeat Bride)

Lewd jokes & late nights: How to redefine what “married lady” means

I still don’t think it has sunk in that I’m married. People say I am a wife now, and suddenly everyone is treating me differently and I don’t like it. I love the idea of being married. I love calling him my husband. But now I’m expected to act in a manner that just isn’t me… and I hate it. How can I deal with people’s expectations about who I am now that I’m married?