Between making sure my makeup is "photo-worthy" to chronicling the planning progress (Offbeat Bride, you are my enabler!), the era of instant documentation and weddings is a match made in heaven. Who doesn't want an excuse to show off pictures of their wedding day? Now you have a reason to take photos of the knitting project you've been toiling over for months. Who doesn't love to get feedback from others fawning over your dress, décor, music, etc? But when does celebrating a day become validating an event?
This is Offbeat Bride's archive of Philosophizing posts.
Sometimes it's just about the big picture stuff. How do you FEEL about your wedding? What does it all MEAN!?
About one-and-a-half years into what is shaping up to be a four-year engagement, my future brother-in law proposed to his then-girlfriend. I love these people very, very much, so naturally, I was filled with excitement, happiness, love, and… jealousy? I was filled with guilt about my reactions. It ate into me, and fighting them caused me hours of anxiety. It got to a point where the positive emotions I did feel were getting blotted out. So, I just gave in to my jealousy. I embraced the emotion and allowed myself to fully experience it…
I have been thinking about the weird privilege I've held as the male-presenting person in this relationship. I believe this is because people want to honor my identity and respect my maleness, yet it feels uncomfortable and untrue… because it erases the fact that those images don't actually fit our queer relationship, and they don't include my trans-ness.
We do not currently live together, we have three cats between us, only one of us (me) has US citizenship, oh and she doesn't fly… During those many anxious months, we were often asked if we'd get married so that she could immigrate. Every time it came up I had such vehemently negative response. I recognize that at some point I may have to sign papers, because the state has a nasty way of making itself necessary. But I'd prefer not to and I plan to avoid it if at all possible, and here's why…
My wedding — as an event — will not represent me as a person, because that person rarely brushes her hair, would rather sleep for five more minutes than shower, and can't cut paper in a straight line. I've always secretly dreamed of unleashing my long-suppressed inner fancy bitch for the "big day," princess style.
Wedding planning getting you down or feeling overwhelming? You might to exchange wedding planning vows with Offbeat Bride Brigitte Fires. Yes, we said "wedding planning vows" — maybe the second most important vows you'll ever make.
I am a Caucasian, cisgender, homosexual woman. My fiancé is transgender. Xe was assigned-female-at-birth but identifies as genderqueer and uses the gender neutral pronouns xe/xyr/xem. No one ever uses xyr correct pronouns unless they are explicitly told to use them and even then some people flat-out refuse. So what do we do about it? I am done sitting in my bubble of privilege. I am popping my bubble, donning the outfit of a warrior bride (think chainmail veil), and taking my vocal sword into the crowd and to my wedding!
The New York Times recently ran an article called Your Hand in Marriage, and Offbeat Bride got a nod for our DIY posts. That's cool, but what really caught my eye was this quote from a bride named Lauren Ireland:
"I felt like there's such a movement to homogeneous wedding styles with Pinterest and Etsy, which are wonderful tools but do seem to make things seem very similar," she said.
Her wedding, she added, represented "not an effort to be unique, but an effort to be us."
Your cousin is freaking out. Can you please explain to me what you're wanting her to wear?" I sighed heavily at my aunt's text before copying and pasting pictures, and explaining, for the umpteenth time. And refrained from adding, "Not. That. Hard." as I face-planted into a pillow and muffled a scream. I don't care which shade of teal they are! If I'm not stressing, why is everyone else stressing? Their stress is stressing me out! I expressed the latter to my wedding planner and she, most beautifully and perfectly, laughed along with my sentiments before gently reminding me, "they are all here on the common goal of supporting you and your happiness." And just like that, my perspective changed.
When my love and I decided to start wedding planning back in January, we had NO IDEA what we were getting into. I honestly thought that as a new bride, the "collective community" would gently take my hand, congratulate me on this sacred time in my life, and ask me questions that would invoke my heart space to create my wedding day.
I have a Masters in Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies. In other words, I’m a professional feminist. I had been with my partner for ten years when he proposed, and while it somehow came as a shock, there was no doubt in my mind that I absolutely wanted to marry him. Like any crafty member of my generation would, I desperately started googling “feminist wedding,” a fruitless endeavor. So what was going on? My entire identity had been built around feminism, so why was it that I was contradicting my own beliefs?