Or: "Mary goes through it so you don't have to!" Or: "Married life is way less thrilling than I was anticipating so I'm going to write a post as if I'm giving someone else advice about the situation I happen to find myself in."
This is Offbeat Bride's archive of Philosophizing posts.
Sometimes it's just about the big picture stuff. How do you FEEL about your wedding? What does it all MEAN!?
To every cloud there is a silver lining — and the silver lining to my father's stroke and the fear that we were going to lose him was that when, five months later (six months until the wedding), my fiancé's mother died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was much better equipped to understand what he was going through. And I was better able to support him. In those first few days after she died we talked about many things, some trivial and some very important…
I'm the daughter of a rabbi and a cantor (and the stepdaughter of yet another rabbi!), sent to Jewish day school as a child, raised Conservative, and while I'm unsure about my personal beliefs, my identity as a Jew has always and will always be super important to me. Just my luck the love of my life turned out to be an atheist…
Between making sure my makeup is "photo-worthy" to chronicling the planning progress (Offbeat Bride, you are my enabler!), the era of instant documentation and weddings is a match made in heaven. Who doesn't want an excuse to show off pictures of their wedding day? Now you have a reason to take photos of the knitting project you've been toiling over for months. Who doesn't love to get feedback from others fawning over your dress, décor, music, etc? But when does celebrating a day become validating an event?
About one-and-a-half years into what is shaping up to be a four-year engagement, my future brother-in law proposed to his then-girlfriend. I love these people very, very much, so naturally, I was filled with excitement, happiness, love, and… jealousy? I was filled with guilt about my reactions. It ate into me, and fighting them caused me hours of anxiety. It got to a point where the positive emotions I did feel were getting blotted out. So, I just gave in to my jealousy. I embraced the emotion and allowed myself to fully experience it…
I have been thinking about the weird privilege I've held as the male-presenting person in this relationship. I believe this is because people want to honor my identity and respect my maleness, yet it feels uncomfortable and untrue… because it erases the fact that those images don't actually fit our queer relationship, and they don't include my trans-ness.
We do not currently live together, we have three cats between us, only one of us (me) has US citizenship, oh and she doesn't fly… During those many anxious months, we were often asked if we'd get married so that she could immigrate. Every time it came up I had such vehemently negative response. I recognize that at some point I may have to sign papers, because the state has a nasty way of making itself necessary. But I'd prefer not to and I plan to avoid it if at all possible, and here's why…
My wedding — as an event — will not represent me as a person, because that person rarely brushes her hair, would rather sleep for five more minutes than shower, and can't cut paper in a straight line. I've always secretly dreamed of unleashing my long-suppressed inner fancy bitch for the "big day," princess style.
Wedding planning getting you down or feeling overwhelming? You might to exchange wedding planning vows with Offbeat Bride Brigitte Fires. Yes, we said "wedding planning vows" — maybe the second most important vows you'll ever make.
I am a Caucasian, cisgender, homosexual woman. My fiancé is transgender. Xe was assigned-female-at-birth but identifies as genderqueer and uses the gender neutral pronouns xe/xyr/xem. No one ever uses xyr correct pronouns unless they are explicitly told to use them and even then some people flat-out refuse. So what do we do about it? I am done sitting in my bubble of privilege. I am popping my bubble, donning the outfit of a warrior bride (think chainmail veil), and taking my vocal sword into the crowd and to my wedding!
The New York Times recently ran an article called Your Hand in Marriage, and Offbeat Bride got a nod for our DIY posts. That's cool, but what really caught my eye was this quote from a bride named Lauren Ireland:
"I felt like there's such a movement to homogeneous wedding styles with Pinterest and Etsy, which are wonderful tools but do seem to make things seem very similar," she said.
Her wedding, she added, represented "not an effort to be unique, but an effort to be us."