I recently watched the Gilmore Girls episodes where Lorelai is proposed to by Max, twice. Once is half-jokingly, to which she responds that a proposal should be romantic with horses and daisies. It made me realize that, over the years, I've had quite a jaded understanding of proposals.
This is Offbeat Bride's archive of Philosophizing posts.
Sometimes it's just about the big picture stuff. How do you FEEL about your wedding? What does it all MEAN!?
We were at the two-months-till-the-wedding mark, and I was losing it. I've never handled stress terribly well, and I have this nasty habit of taking that out on whoever's closest. I didn't realize the wedding stress and our constant arguments were related. In fact, it didn't even click until I sat in tears on my best friend's bed after yet another stupid argument. She asked me, gently, "Are you sure you want to go through with the wedding?" I realized that I couldn't say yes.
When I got married two years ago, budget budget budget was the focus of the day. This meant forgoing a big expensive dress, keeping costs low on the honeymoon, having a lunch instead of a dinner wedding. Looking back on my wedding, I have no regrets and didn't miss wedding planning afterwards. But then I got invited to be a bridesmaid for my little sister. Upon hearing that I could choose my own dress and shoes, something deep deep within me that had been suffocated since my own wedding has reared its head. a href="http://offbeatbride.com/2010/08/the-dreaded-dress-lust">Dress lust. Shoe lust. Accessory lust. Where did this fancy bitch come from?
With every questionable-twist of the lip, my matrimony-related-decision-making process, comes slightly un-done and I'm left asking myself; if the decisions I'm making about our wedding, which will ultimately be the bunting-draped rocket that launches us into married life, are the right ones for us? I'm talking about the decisions that dictate how much, and what kind of tradition we'll be incorporating into our marriage. This I know, is the female fiasco that plagues every slightly-inclined-to-call-herself-feminist-thinking bride to ever question the merits of "something blue."
Do you ever feel like you're getting it from both sides: you've got pressure to be more traditional and materialistic on one side, and on the other side, you've got pressure to be uniquer, more special-er, authentically truly meaningfully YOU-er. Back! Forth! Back! Forth! I can resist tradition! I don't want to avoid something just because it's traditional! I like chair covers! But I can't like chair covers! Everything we picked is personal! Now it feels like of embarrassing…like it's over the top and "me me me"!
THIS, my friends, is what one reader coined as WIC-whiplash (WIC-lash?). Together, we're going to take a deep breath and try to get over it.
When my boyfriend first mentioned the possibility of getting married someday, I was taken by surprise. "Sure, I'd marry you if it was legal," I told him. And he asked me: "Who cares if it's legal?" We're polyamorous, and I've been legally married to my other partner for over a decade. I had somehow never really considered that we were free to get married, too, regardless of whether or not the law would ever recognize it. My boyfriend and I were already committed to sharing our lives together, building a family. Did I really need some kind of ceremony to solidify that?
Dear Bridal Industry, I will not allow myself to become caught up in your ideals of what a bride "should" look like. I will not become sucked into your standards of beauty, ones that are different from my own. I will not let you dictate to me what pretty is, and isn't.
Speaking of which, here are more things I refuse to do…
The topic of elopement came and went several times, but we both decided that a big, beautiful wedding was the way to go for us. Then life decided to get involved. I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Neither of us could ignore the incessant ticking of the clock the doctors had set for me, though. So the topic came again: to elope or not to elope?
I've noticed that the majority of the weddings you feature are budget weddings. Not all of them, certainly, but quite a lot. I would imagine that even more of them get submitted than get featured.
Why are so many offbeat weddings lower-budget weddings? What is it about budget and offbeat that seem to go hand-in-hand? Is it the craftiness of the general offbeat community? Is it that we're so broke we have to automatically eliminate almost everything and can only work back in the things that really matter? Is it that we have too many hobbies that eat up all the spare cash we could put towards a wedding?
I have this idea that I should be embarrassed about wanting a wedding. I keep pretending to care less than I do. Insisting that my dress isn't a big deal — I'll still get to get married, even if I don't look pretty doing it. If our retired-baker friend has plans and we don't get a cake, that'll be okay, since we can always get a sheet cake from the grocery story. Flowers? Who needs 'em? It reminds me of when I was a senior in high school, and I wanted desperately to go to the prom, but had to act like I was too cool to actually care.
After experiencing an amazingly beautiful moment when my dearest asked me to be his wife, I am now trying to cope with the unexpected loss of my mom, and the deep need to move forward with my wedding. The question I have been asked constantly since the passing of my mom has been, "are you still getting married this year?" My answer has been emphatically "yes."