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The challenges of planning a straight wedding as a feminist queer bride

Planning a straight wedding as a lifelong feminist and member of the LGBTQ community was a challenge wrought with emotion, guilt, and confusion (in addition, of course, to all the blissful feelings of being engaged and in love).

I was a feminist way before it was cool, when it was decidedly UNCOOL. I realized that I liked girls as a teenager in the nineties going to a Catholic school, where the only openly gay teacher was a female gym coach who wasn't allowed in the girls' locker room. Gay marriage would not be a reality until nearly 15 years after I realized I might want to marry a woman. At different points in my life, I've hated both men and straight people; not out of malice, but out of fear, rejection, and really bad experiences.

Then I decided to marry a straight dude.

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How would you feel being Photoshopped to look skinnier in your wedding photos?

I attended my best friend's wedding as a bridesmaid. I was pretty fat at that point and had to wear a, granted, not-that-flattering sleeveless dress. But it looked fine, in my opinion. Once the wedding was over and we all got to peek at the photos, I was surprised to see that a photo of me had been obviously Photoshopped to skinny me up. I'm sure this photography team thought I'd be pleased to see this version of myself, but I definitely wasn't…

"I got you": The revelation I found hidden in a wedding tango

When my partner suggested we do a full "so you think you can dance" stylized tango as our first dance, I was thrilled. I've always loved the idea of learning how to tango. It's a bold choice. It's a feminist choice. The tango is the only ballroom dance where the man is not in charge. I was excited. But on the day of the wedding, I started to get anxious. I heard the shift in the music we had agreed would be our queue, and I hesitated. My introverted self just wanted to stay in my room and flee the audience. I pulled myself together and stepped out onto our living room floor…