The end of marriage as we know it, or: Why I won't be making it legal

We do not currently live together, we have three cats between us, only one of us (me) has US citizenship, oh and she doesn't fly… During those many anxious months, we were often asked if we'd get married so that she could immigrate. Every time it came up I had such vehemently negative response. I recognize that at some point I may have to sign papers, because the state has a nasty way of making itself necessary. But I'd prefer not to and I plan to avoid it if at all possible, and here's why…


My relationship is not a statement: Stop viewing our wedding decisions as some sort of socio-political performance

It started with the oh-so-popular taking of my husband's last name question. The reason I really wanted to keep my own name had nothing to do with feminist ideals — I simply like the sound of my own name. Needless to say, this was just the first of MANY questions I've answered with similar responses.I've learned that no matter how I respond, someone will view it as a statement. All we're really trying to do is throw a beautiful and fun wedding with all of our friends and family. Our relationship is a relationship… not a statement open for critique.


How can you include [enter geeky reference here] without ostracizing your guests?

About a year ago, I attended a friend's wedding and spent the whole ride home wondering why the wedding had felt so… not them. It was as if we had walked into anyone's wedding, and aside from some very sweet vows, it felt like we were celebrating a watered-down version of the geeky, gamer couple that I knew and loved so much. I want to make this wedding about us, and the geeky things things that brought us together. But… can we [enter geeky reference here] without ostracizing our guests?