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Groom shoes can be just as loud and colorful (and erm, expensive) as bridal footwear

For these fancypants types, I bring you today's post full of loud colorful formal footwear in masculine styles. Of course there's some Fluevog action in here, but I've also got some Vivienne Westwood, Alexander McQueen, and some skull-covered Jeffery-West. The sad truth is that some of these shoes are really, really expensive… but they're also really, really fabulous. Even if you're just window shopping, there are styles in here to love…

26

Male wedding privilege as seen from a transgender groom's perspective

I have been thinking about the weird privilege I've held as the male-presenting person in this relationship. I believe this is because people want to honor my identity and respect my maleness, yet it feels uncomfortable and untrue… because it erases the fact that those images don't actually fit our queer relationship, and they don't include my trans-ness.

20

The end of marriage as we know it, or: Why I won't be making it legal

We do not currently live together, we have three cats between us, only one of us (me) has US citizenship, oh and she doesn't fly… During those many anxious months, we were often asked if we'd get married so that she could immigrate. Every time it came up I had such vehemently negative response. I recognize that at some point I may have to sign papers, because the state has a nasty way of making itself necessary. But I'd prefer not to and I plan to avoid it if at all possible, and here's why…

33

My relationship is not a statement: Stop viewing our wedding decisions as some sort of socio-political performance

It started with the oh-so-popular taking of my husband's last name question. The reason I really wanted to keep my own name had nothing to do with feminist ideals — I simply like the sound of my own name. Needless to say, this was just the first of MANY questions I've answered with similar responses.I've learned that no matter how I respond, someone will view it as a statement. All we're really trying to do is throw a beautiful and fun wedding with all of our friends and family. Our relationship is a relationship… not a statement open for critique.

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How can you include [enter geeky reference here] without ostracizing your guests?

About a year ago, I attended a friend's wedding and spent the whole ride home wondering why the wedding had felt so… not them. It was as if we had walked into anyone's wedding, and aside from some very sweet vows, it felt like we were celebrating a watered-down version of the geeky, gamer couple that I knew and loved so much. I want to make this wedding about us, and the geeky things things that brought us together. But… can we [enter geeky reference here] without ostracizing our guests?

33

Who else thinks "sexy" wedding shower games are strange?

I'm not expecting a wedding shower this time around, and as a consequence, I am spared the bizarre rounds of public humiliation that pass on Pinterest as "shower games." Has anyone else noticed these games? And the number of them that circle around "naughty" ideas? I understand that some of these come from our socio-cultural anxiety surrounding the traditional fact that a wedding is when a virginal girl becomes a sexually experienced woman. But the "naughty party games" feel like a different thing… as if they're designed to be specifically humiliating.

18

Offbeat Bride interview about unplugged weddings on New Hampshire Public Radio

I first wrote about unplugged weddings way back in 2011, with a two-post series. The posts went crazy viral and in the three years since then, the idea has picked up major steam. The Huffington Post noticing the trend in 2012, and New York Times picking up on the concept in 2013. I'm happy to say that the concept is now popular enough that it's no longer seen as "offbeat" in any way.