I have a problem putting too much emphasis on details, and I have a tendency to be too detail-oriented. Through all this, my fiancé is like, "Why are you making simple things so complicated?" He also said at one point, "Why are you trying to cram in so many things into our wedding pictures, when you can just let things happen naturally?" Then I remembered a previous co-worker's wedding advice: "The wedding day goes by so fast. Enjoy each moment." So, remembering that, I said to my photographer, "no more photo must-haves."
This is Offbeat Bride's archive of Features posts.
When we want to get more thoughtful about things on Offbeat Bride, this is the spot for our feature articles. Sometimes we talk big-picture philosophies, other times we discuss wedding trends, and every once and a while we just go ape-shit over a wedding WTF?!
I took my ring off yesterday… I needed one day, just one, where I really considered whether this marriage was something I wanted. Throughout the in-law drama I would ask my my fiancé if he was absolutely sure he wanted to marry me. I realized I'd never really considered the question myself.
…Then I realized I was focusing on how I looked over how I felt, or how I wanted to move through this event. I was thinking about wanting to be my "perfect self," but only on the outside. I finally let it go. I finally hit the point where I said "I am not my envelope."
I have never seen such amazing love, support, and genuine helpfulness from complete strangers. Not only did the Tribesmaids help with my problem, they lifted me up, and (pardon the cliche) removed a heavy black cloud from my shoulders. They showed me not only ways to move past my problems, but, in meeting some of them who have already done so, showed me it could actually be done.
I don't want any of you looking back on your wedding and being like, "God, I don't even like Game Of Thrones that much." Offbeater-than-thou weddings just for offbeatness' sake? That's a misdemeanor right there, and we won't arrest you, but we will escort you off of the property to head over to Offbeat Home & Life's archives, where we can support you with awesome articles to build self-awareness and confidence. We believe in rehabilitative treatment here.
I can't lie; part of me has struggled with the fact that I am not completely being a build-it-yourself "budget bride" like I had anticipated I would be. I'm letting myself splurge on a little luxury — the luxury of not having to fret about every little detail and allowing people who know what they're doing take the reins. Even though there will be plenty of opportunities for personal creativity in the ceremony, garb, décor, and atmosphere… I still feel a little bit like a sell-out.
People who know me know that I've never had any interest in sex. So when my fiancee and I declared that we were getting hitched, we got a lot of strange looks and a lot of probing questions. We've had to make some compromises when it comes to sex and have finally settled into an arrangement that works for the both of us. But the question is continually posed, "If you don't like sex, why marry the guy? (And why would he want to marry you?)"
I have taken so much joy (if that's even the right word) in seeing how other Offbeat Brides have made touching, bittersweet acknowledgements of those who can only be there with them in spirit. It seems that those rituals are surprisingly absent from "traditional" wedding magazines and blogs. My mom passed away almost two years ago, but my parents didn't get married until four days before she died. And I know that being a part of that wedding has empowered me to craft an offbeat wedding that I can proudly take ownership of.