How to deal with disappointment on your wedding day

August 3 | Guest post by jadedinvasion
Photo by aisforangie – CC BY 2.0
Photo by aisforangieCC BY 2.0

I did it. I got married. And had a WONDERFUL TIME! Was it absolutely perfect? Not really… do I care? Nope.

Before I go into a break down of what happened, here is a cute picture of me and my husband. Because THIS is what it's all about…

how to handle disappointment at your wedding

The feeling of disappointment came when I got a phone call from the venue about moving the reception inside, because it was threatening to storm that night. (But don't worry, my story has a happy ending — as you can see from the picture above, the reception did make it to the roof top patio.)

When I got that call, I went into super disappointed mode. No smiles, on the verge of tears and had constant thoughts of, "Wow, I really screwed this up."

The rest of the day didn't go perfectly either…

I forgot my vows. I had written them the morning of, so I didn't have them memorized. So, in the end I improvised and it turned out kinda funny.

My wallet got misplaced, and that caused us to lose 30 minutes of time, between the ceremony and reception, with our photographer.

Spotify. I hates it. Well, I probably wouldn't hate it so much if we had someone dedicated to handle the music. It was kinda awkward at times — like entrance music, first dance and then the app just decided to shut down half way through the party. So there wasn't much dancing at my wedding. Bummer.

Most of all, I couldn't believe that I was feeling disappointed on my wedding day. I felt like a failure for being so down on one of the happiest days of my life. From 12pm until about 2pm on the day of the wedding, I was ready to just say, "FUCK THIS SHIT."

"Why So Sad?" print by IanMacLeodART

So, my advice is…

If you feel that disappointment, FEEL it

Take a break if you need, have a good cry (before make-up, preferably) and let yourself process these emotions. It's okay not to be happy for a bit. Wedding days are incredibly stressful, so those negative emotions will be as heavy as Mack trucks. Take the time to deal with it because you don't want that stormy rain cloud hanging over your head all day. At the end of it all, you'll be married to your partner — which is a joyous event on its own.

When you're done having your grumpy time, try to focus on the things that make you happy

For me, it was seeing my bridal crew all dressed. They looked AMAZING. Mostly it was their excitement that helped me feel better. It reminded me that I was having a wedding because of LOVE more than anything else.

If you feel disappointed on your wedding day, don't worry, it happens. But the important part is to remember all the joy and love that was around you that day.

Disappointed brides and grooms, how did you handle your wedding day upsets? Got any more advice for us?

  1. Great advice!!!! So much effort, blood, sweat, tears, and most importantly EXPECTATIONS go into such a big day, I don't think I've ever met anyone who wasn't slightly disappointed or overwhelmed with their wedding. Something never ceases to fall into one or more categories: forgotten item, ran out of time, unpredictable events. But at the end of the day, YOU'RE MARRIED! Yay! And often times it all happens for the best. The unpredictable events can create funny or unforgettable moments. The forgotten photos might not have turned out exactly as you wanted anyway. You ran out of time for one thing, but you were able to spend more time dancing or socializing or just being caught up in the moment! Your guests will have a good time if YOU'RE having a good time! Trust me, they can sense it! They're not going to know if things didn't go all according to plan anyway. And as long as you focus on the happy times, you will create happy memories! The wedding is just one day. The marriage is every day forward!

    6 agree
  2. This is great advice. One of my biggest fears is feeling grumpy on my wedding day. I tend to pout when I put effort into planning something and it doesn't go perfectly; it's a childish bad habit of mine. And of course, my wedding is going to be one of the biggest things I've planned in my life! So I know I will be tempted to get tantrum-y and wallow in my disappointment when things go awry. I am working on being more mature about dealing with unexpected pitfalls, and trying to say, "Oh, well! Look at all these things that AREN'T going wrong!"

    6 agree
  3. This is good advice for lots of situations — let yourself feel what you feel. Give it a label, recognise it — that way you know what to let go of.

    4 agree
  4. I feel disappointed already and we have until Halloween. I am feeling this way is because we sill haven't really planned anything. Yes it's a very small ceremony and dinner afterwards but even a small wedding takes a lot of time, effort and planning. I don't know what our issue is, but we really need to put things in gear and go. Thanks for this great advice, I am so sure it will come in handy the days leading up to the BIG day 🙂

    1 agrees
    • You can do it! I did a lot of my planning and booking things 3 months before my wedding and the bulk of everything maybe 4 months in advance and our wedding is pretty big. You still have time!

      2 agree
  5. Yay, jadedinvasion made it to the main blog! Congrats, fellow tribesmember! You look gorgeous in your green dress. 🙂

  6. Such great advice! I got married in June- the day that didn't rain in 5 years on that date poured, our bus driver was terrible, and then at 3:30am when I tried to relax, my bridesmaid needed to be taken care of puking in the after party. After 18 months of meticulous planning, plus a week straight of not sleeping, I woke up 3 hours later and bawled in my parents room- all I could focus on was the end of the night and therefore, how poorly the event went. We went to our brunch and kept hearing stories of how everyone had a geniunely good time, then we went on our honeymoon and finally got sleep, food and just each other for 2 weeks. When we got back and our photo booth pictures and then our regular pictures came back, and finally caught up with people did I start to really realize how great the day was.

    However, in those 3 weeks, what helped me get through the what I thought was a failure all around, was focusing on the small moments. Practicing to dance with my dad in the bridal suite. Dancing to Kesha with my bridal party to kill time while the bus was late. Walking with my moms best friend to the rehearsal dinner. By focusing on those positive moments, it took away from my critical view of the wedding overall, before the fog was lifted and I realized it was pretty damn near perfect after all. I told my friends getting married next not to be freaked out if they don't feel the "this was best day evvvvver" the next day, but it will get there.

    At the end of the day, the things that disappointed were just things. The love I felt from my family, friends and husband? Overwhelmingly perfect.

    (Best advice for rained out outdoor weddings came from my officiant- "weather should be celebrated or ignored— and tonight it should be absolutely ignored because we have too much to celebrate")

    7 agree
  7. Thank you for this. I am getting married this weekend and have had something come up that made me go a little crazy. I feel like this isn't the last hurdle to clear so I will remember to allow myself to get upset and then focus on the good stuff! There will be so much to be happy about and in the end we will be married and that is what matters!

  8. As a wedding photographer, one of the things we warn our couples about is family members who need the day to be all about them, not you, and will find some way to make drama. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but so glad that you were smart enough to focus on the real meaning of your wedding: standing up with the person you love and making the commitment to each other to love and support each other forever. I'm also sorry that your photographer was not a true professional, but here's an idea: Now that all the drama is over, find a good photographer and schedule a session for just the two of you. You can wear your wedding clothes, get the same flowers if you want, and just have some fun. Your venue might even let you in off-hours, or pick someplace special to the two of you. (One way to find a good photographer is through PPA.com, the web site of Professional Photographers of America. Look for someone who matches your budget and your offbeat wonderfulness.) Anyway, sending best wishes to you both for a long, happy, healthy life together!

  9. I hated my wedding day. I no longer speak to any of our bridal party. I didn't get married where I wanted to because of my mother in law making it all about her and I hated our photos and the fact that we couldn't afford to get a video done. It's a real shame that I can't even think about my wedding day without feeling sick and I'll never ever be able to do it again.

    • Oh man I am sorry you went through that but I am so so so glad its not me. I went on here to search the tribes page to ask about wedding remorse only to see the tribes page is shut down. I am 14 months out from my wedding and I still cry about it… a lot. It was literally awful. Instead of happy memories of being with my husband all I have is this huge disappointment and let down. I am considering bringing it up to a counselor because it is negatively impacting me still.

      • It's awful. I'm not sure if I mentioned in my previous comment but since the wedding have had a massive falling out with my bridal party and only stay in contact with 2 of the 10 of them. My husband stays in contact with them though. It's very messy. I am disappointed because ill never be able to get married again but I suppose I'll just have to get over it. I have a loving husband out of it. And I just try not to think about it.

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