This is not the most important day of my life: an Offbeat Bride's vows to herself #Philosophizing#perspective#reality check November 9 | Guest post by monicawesome Photo by Tress Ritter Photography Related Post Reality check: wedding planning isn't SO bad We have a tag archive here on Offbeat Bride called overcoming adversity, and it's all about couples who've dealt with significant, serious challenges on the... Read more I wrote this as a little something to remind myself what it's REALLY about… and make me laugh at myself when I get too stressed. This is not the most important day of my life. The day my partner and I realized we wanted to spend our lives together was much more significant than the day we will make it legal. I have had more important days than this, and I will continue to have more important days. I refuse to pretend to be someone I'm not in order to please other people. I will not fool myself into thinking my family and friends have to drop their lives to help me with my wedding. I will not put on airs. I will not kid myself or pretend to be something, or someone, that I am not. I am not wealthy, I am not a princess, I am not super-formal or cookie-cutter. I do not fit in with the crowd. I am a beautiful, elegant, unique person, and I will let my real self shine on this day. I will let my worries about what other people think GO, and not be swayed so easily by what other people think (but isn't neccessarily right or the best thing). I MUST remember this, no matter how much I love them. I will try to not be stressed. I will try to not be too sensitive, as I usually am. Letting go of perfect I am settling now. And even though the word "settling" has a negative connotation, it is most emphatically NOT a negative feeling. Maybe it'd be better to say that I… Read More I will not lose it if the flowers aren't everything I hoped for or the cake isn't the color I wanted. I will not care if I cry too much and the pictures show it. I will be flexible. I will not cry if the song order is wrong, or I trip on my way out of the carriage. I will relax. I will take time to just enjoy all our favorite people. I will take in the all the love instead of worrying about when to cut the cake. Open expectations: stop wanting the perfect wedding Since I got engaged, I've been saying that I have "open expectations," a phrase I learned here on Offbeat Bride. (Correct use of the term "open expectations" could be something… Read More I will kiss my groom whenever possible. I will kiss my mother whenever possible. I will think about the words during the ceremony, and feel them, and squeeze my husband's hand. I will LAUGH, and HUG EVERYONE, and DANCE! Planning a marriage instead of a wedding Planning a wedding v. planning a marriage -- is there a difference? Should we separate the two? Tribe member Jana explores the idea and it just may change how you… Read More Looking for more great reality checks? Real life doesn't stop: Top 10 things I've learned from wedding planning So you feel like you gave in: 3 ways to bounce back from wedding planning disappointments Open expectations: stop wanting the perfect wedding Get your daily dose of Offbeat AWESOME Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Guest post written by monicawesome monicawesome spent her youth riding horses for a living, so she's always been a wanderer at heart. Now she's staying in one spot, to pursue another dream, and to be with her lovely man-friend/husband to be. They are both musicians, she sings opera, and he plays bass in a punk band, and their wedding in Ybor City, FL will bring together the best of each of them -- the elegant and the eclectic. https://twitter.com/monicawesome PREVIOUS Gina & Frank's circus-freak, carnival wedding and sideshow NEXT Hit the Texas wedding photographer jackpot with Zachary Hunt Photography Show/Hide comments [ 44 ] Yes. 38 agree Reply Thank you so much for this post. The day can be so overwhelming and I will keep your words in my mind to just relax and enjoy all the love. 5 agree Reply this is beautiful! i was having problems with some of the same things, but reading this brought me right back down to earth! 6 agree Reply This is fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing this! 4 agree Reply emailing to my overworrying and completely stressed out bride to be friend right now 🙂 2 agree Reply Great sentiment, the vows to yourself is a gift everyone can enjoy. 2 agree Reply Thank you for this. I am getting married on Saturday and I needed to be reminded of this now more than ever. 5 agree Reply I want to print this out and keep it in my wallet. Thank you! 3 agree Reply Brilliant. Saving a link to this so I remember to come up with my own set in the last couple of months before our wedding 🙂 3 agree Reply this is gorgeous, thank you 🙂 1 agrees Reply LOVE this. Rock on, Monicawesome! 🙂 1 agrees Reply I think a copy of this needs to be included with the "recently engaged" stuff. Seriously. 13 agree Reply Great idea! I added a link to the Perspective tag archive, of which this post is one! 3 agree Reply "I have had more important days than this, and I will continue to have more important days." x100,000! I should write this on the front of my wedding binder. 2 agree Reply Thank you ladies for all the nice comments! And to Megs, for putting this up! 🙂 1 agrees Reply I really needed this today. THANK YOU! 1 agrees Reply This. A billion to the power of infinity THIS. Thank you for sharing this, and putting into bullet-points-of-awesome exactly what I need to be remembering. <3 1 agrees Reply Wise words, thank you for sharing them with all of us! Reply Thank you so much for sharing. You don't even know how perfect this was for today…especially letting what others think GO! 1 agrees Reply I showed this to a friend of mine who is getting married young, and was giving in to a lot of people's wishes. :] I hope it helped her. Reply Thank you so much for this. The author seems deeply deserving of the "Awesome" in her moniker. Reply I really needed this today. Thanks! Reply thank u so much for this post..the vows are so real and the advice is s apt for me ..i m getting marrried in a month to my beau of 6 years yet i am very nervous with all the inlaws expecting different things and jugling between them and my parents and trying to please both…thank u so much for these lovely lines. god bless u 2 agree Reply As I am just in the beginning stages of my wedding, this is still extremely helpful. Especially the party about not being swayed by others! It seems like everywhere I look, one of the mothers is trying to hijack a decision I have made! Thanks so much for the encouragement. Reply I LOVE this whole bunches! My favorite part is about "hearing the words during the ceremony" I want to be in the moment when my fiance says his vows, not worried about everything else! That will be the most magical moment! 2 agree Reply What a beautiful idea – I'm thinking of some everyday vows to myself, as well as wedding ones! Thank you!! Reply Wow! Thank you for posting this. I really needed this at this very moment. I was starting to doubt myself. Thank you again. 🙂 Reply i love this! i now plan to make myself a similar list and keep it with me on my wedding day for when i start to freak out (i know i will at some point, even though i'm usually laid-back) Reply Perfectly said!!! 🙂 Reply Absolutely infinitely love. Reply Thanks so much for bumping this up! I'm sure I'll come back to these vows over the course of planning and different parts will speak to me. The part that really resonated with me toady was about not pretending to be something I'm not. We're in the process of picking out venues, and this is something I'm trying to keep in mind. It has been brought up in the Miss Manners and "One Perfect Day" books, as well. When picking our venue, it's not just about sticking to the budget, which is part of it, but also about not pretending that we live in a mansion. Sure, I want my pictures to be pretty and have enough space to comfortably fit all my guests. But I also want it to feel authentic to us, and not entertain in a style that is so far off our normal range as to be "pretending." Finding out where that line is, though, is something of a struggle. (Btw, I think a mansion location could be right for others, or even right for us in certain circumstances. It's not about mansions, but about being true to yourself and where you are in life.) Reply Yes, I need this so much. Thank you! I'll probably print it out and put it where I can see it every day! Reply I would also add that I am not the center of my universe on my wedding day and to keep that in mind when planning. I made sure kids had things to do, people were going to be fed and entertained, and everyone had a great time, including me. It's not that I "cared what they thought"… I just wanted to be a considerate bride. 1 agrees Reply This just changed my life. Thank you. Reply OMG I'm totally printing this out and putting it into our wedding journal!! It states how I feel so much better than I could have described!! I don't want to be the centre of a show on our wedding day and it isn't the most important day of our lives, we are simply making official and celebrating what we have already discovered about our relationship!! Thank you for putting this up 🙂 made my day! Reply This is simply BRILLIANT. I have always thought that if your wedding day has to be the most important day of your life then, what is your life going to be until you die? a want to get married again? I'ts just plain bull. The most important day for your life is, actually, the day you came to be, the day you started living (from the perspective that if that wouldn't have happened you wouldn't be alive… its too obvious) and afterwards we have a bunch of -hopefully- important and amazing days all along in our life that don't need to involve anyone or anything in particular, just amazing days, everyday miracles. I LOVE this post, it speakes my mind and of many, many brides, maybe offbeat, but genuine and honest. I simply love this site!!! Thanks for writing this! Reply Thank you for the reminders for something that has yet to even happen to me 🙂 Reply I think this is a good read for the most part BUT I also think it's ridiculous. I am NOT rich and I am NOT A PRINCESS but so what?!?! Am I not allowed to live in a fantasy for one day? Also for some….this is the most important day of their lives. You are in front of the most important people of your life, you managed to get them all in the same place (which is rare) and your confessing your love for each other in front of any god you believe in (some people think that's important) and you are signing legal documents that will effect you for the rest of your life (financially and emotionally) so YES I think this is one of the most important days of a young/old man or woman's life! If I want to stress over the cake color or anything else…I will! Things like that make it memorable for myself and the groom (or bride for some) will look back and laugh and smile. So I say this without hesitation…..THIS IS AND WILL BE THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF MY LIFE. 2 agree Reply "Also for some….this is the most important day of their lives. You are in front of the most important people of your life, you managed to get them all in the same place (which is rare) and your confessing your love for each other in front of any god you believe in (some people think that's important) and you are signing legal documents that will effect you for the rest of your life (financially and emotionally) so YES I think this is one of the most important days of a young/old man or woman's life! " I totally agree with this part. We might have committed to each other in our hearts, and on paper but there is A LOT to be said (for me ) for making that confession in front of God and our families. But everyone is free to determine what is *most* important to them….. 2 agree Reply I just want to say that this is what kept me sane planning my very small wedding in less than six weeks. I've recommended it to others. Reply Exactly. I could never find the words to explain this to anyone else. My mom couldn't understand why I planned such a small wedding! Reply Such a great reminder! Reply YES! Saving this link now and looking at it whenever I'm losing sight of what's important! Reply Just stumbled across this link in the newsletter and boy did I need to read this, this morning! Totally rewriting my own version of this and printing this sucker. It will hang right next to my bathroom mirror so I can see it at the beginning and end of everyday! Thanks for sharing. Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Participate in this conversation via emailGet only replies to your comment, the best of the rest, as well as a daily recap of all comments on this post. No more than a few emails daily, which you can reply to/unsubscribe from directly from your inbox. No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. 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