Kids plot their grand wedding escape: a bedtime story #Features#flower girl#humor#kids March 14 | Catherine Clark enidjcoleslaw Green stuff at a Stephanie and Jerred's retro gamer wedding. Photo by True Love Photo Once upon a time, in a land of tulle and sequins, young children donned tight suits and itchy dresses. They bumped into legs on dance floors, and found nary a puppy to pet or game to play. Vegetables were offered, kissing was happening, and the cake seemed like it would never get cut. They were at… a wedding. Photo by Liz Pumphrey Photography Beth and Jay tortured the children with their cooty-spreading ways. No circle, circle, dot, dot was going to help here. Photo by Hitched Studios Lauren and Stan attempted to hypnotize them with cotton candy. Some of them even succumbed to the temptation. It was pure, delicious evil. There had to be a way out of this. Photo by A Bride's Day Photography "Hey, sheep: send for help! You guys, these sheep are doing nothing." There seemed to be no escape at Rebecca and Andrew wedding. Photo by Khaki Bedford Weddings Patty and Frank's wedding had a fatal flaw: the rainbow tube escape route. "This is your mission, kids, should you choose to accept it." Annie and Kyle's picnic wedding. Photo by Taymin Kane "We'll hold them back. Save yourselves." Dana the male flower girl Dana, the male flower girl from Bobby & Clare's puppet wedding, shares his secrets about his journey to flower-girlhood, and how he felt about his... [more] Lindz and Jack's punk wedding. Photo by the groom's brother, Ian The children made their break while others selflessly sacrificed themselves to hold back the grown-up horde. By: TheGiantVermin – CC BY 2.0 They may take our video games, but they'll never take OUR FREEDOM! And so the children had escaped the vegetables, the kissing, and the terrible dancing from uncle Jim. But as soon as they breathed the sweet air of the outside, they heard that cake was being served. Screw freedom. Highly classified anti-escape documents: DIY activity book for kids Coloring sheet placemats Wedding vows for blended families: Kids say, "We do, too!" Sweet and silly wedding readings from children's books Yes, there will be children at the wedding Lawn games galore Board games on hand Kids tag archive Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Catherine Clark Catherine Clark (aka Superman) is Offbeat Bride's Editor + Project Wrangler and a Chicago-based freelance web consultant. In her spare time she loiters at her local library, makes art, watches movies en masse, plays video games and tabletop games, poorly cooks healthy things, and cuddles with her feline fur baby. @enidjcoleslaw @whimsycatt PREVIOUS Celebrate Pi day with our favorite wedding pies and Pi weddings NEXT Create a fashion light show with your own LED voice-activated tie Toggle comments [ 8 ] Hilarious! 1 agrees Reply I LOVE this post! Especially the Braveheart reference and photo. Also, yay for kid-friendly activities links. Thanks! 1 agrees Reply This is just too precious! 0 agree Reply Adorable! I love seeing kids at weddings get grossed out by ALL THAT KISSING. 1 agrees Reply This sounds like a good storyline for a Rugrats episode. (Yes, I know the show's ended a long time ago.) Great job Superman! 3 agree Reply Rugrats rocked. 2 agree Reply At my older sister's wedding they laid out an improvised playground with medieval games (the wedding was medieval-themed) for the kids, and half the grown-ups spent all day outside playing. ^^ I guess if you are going to have people with children at your celebration (be it a wedding or not), you need to plan some entertainment for the tiny beasts so everyone can relax. (Plus I'd totally ruin my dress playing with the kids instead of being grown-up at my own wedding…) 0 agree Reply Great post! Suggestion that the kiddo's loved at my wedding: Musical Chairs! You may have chairs and music already and the more adults that get roped in the better. 1 agrees Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * Comment Notify me of follow-up comments by email. No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. Biz owners & wedding bloggers Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.