The Offbeat Bride: Beth, RN
Her offbeat partner: Brian, Electrician
Date and location of wedding: Stone Tavern Farm – Roxbury, NY — October 6, 2012
Our offbeat wedding at a glance: Neither of us had any clue about weddings, so we Googled the basic stuff and worked from there. There were a lot of references that meant a lot to us — The Simpsons, Beetlejuice, metal — but we tried to work them in as opposed to making them stand out. We didn't want them to feel like gimmicky "bumper stickers" but rather personalized elements of our wedding.
Tell us about the ceremony: Our guests dressed in Victorian gothic wear — like, 90% of them — and they all looked fantastic. The wedding party marched to an acoustic rendering of Tenacious D's "Love Her Gently" — okay, we all know that's not the title of the song, but the lyrics were acoustic melody so few were the wiser. It was well received by everyone, and those who recognized the song got some laughs. Winston the Pug was our ring bearer, but he loathes dog clothing and was too shy to walk down the aisle in his tux so groomsman Zach had to carry him, which made for much better pictures.
I walked to the acoustic Legend of Zelda: Overworld Theme. I could barely see Brian over the guests as they stood to take pictures! The aisle was too tight for my dad and I to walk up especially with my puffy dress, so we smushed in. He had to hold my train up by my shoulders the entire walk so he didn't step on it. Some of the pictures look like my dad and I are bum-rushing the paparazzi. When we got to the altar, Dad was so nervous he forgot to sit down, and instead stood there in front of the bridal party still holding my train up by my neck.
Tom opened the wedding with a sermon he wrote called On Horror, which explained beautifully why scary movies and horror stories are a fit for our marriage. In it, he described our first date, watching a scary movie, and he explained that after the jumping, the racing heart beats, the screaming, the clutching, after all that, we sat back together and felt comforted for having gone through a scary time together. And that is the most important thing. We came through a scary situation together.
Because life will bring you scary moments. Sometimes it's getting married. Sometimes it's starting a new job. Sometimes it's moving to a new neighborhood. Sometimes it's an illness in your family. Let's face it: there are a lot of scary things we face on a daily basis. But what matters is that we come through them together. And we feel closer for having shared these experiences.
Our ring box was Lemarchand's box from Hellraiser. We told Best Man Jaymz to smash it if he couldn't get it open but he did it with minimal resistance! Our rings have Batman on them. Our readings were From "The Irrational Season" By Madeleine L'Engle and From "Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. We really struggled to find readings that reflected how we felt going into marriage. These fit the bill perfectly and I can't thank the Offbeat Bride Tribe enough for them.
We did a sand ceremony complete with our Unity Sandworm. Then our officiant, Tom, ended the ceremony with the traditional Irish Marriage Blessing. We rocked down the aisle as husband and wife to the New York Rangers Goal/Victory theme song. As there were a lot of New York Rangers fans in the crowd, it was a hit. For the cocktail hour, Richard Cheese played as guests dominated the eyeball sangria and Brian's homemade pumpkin pie. We took pictures and missed a lot of the food, but our Day-of-Coordinator Karen made us up plates, so later we got to have pie, too!
My favorite moment: Brian's vows. Being a normally quiet and shy guy, I was blown away when he read his. We wrote our own to surprise each other with. He went first, read them from memory and they were so indescribably beautiful. It was all I could do to keep from crying and in my shock I left mine tucked in my corset and totally bumbled them — somehow a reference to parmesan cheese made it into my vows.
My funniest moment: The rehearsal. So many fart jokes, colorful language, goofing off and overall us being us. Our officiant, Tom, held up well leading the tribe of misfits and we all got to laugh until we cried. It was great.
The cake smash was brutal. We spent the better part of a month making a The Simpsons – Treehouse of Horror Springfield Cemetery cupcake stand complete with "tombstones" of characters from The Simpsons and Futurama who were deceased on the shows. The smaller tombstones were from the Springfield Pet Cemetery – and we did our research.
We cut the cake with the Bride Sword from Kill Bill. I chose Grimey's cupcake to smash into Brian's face and up his nose. He got me back with a good smush to my mug — and war was declared. I got him back — on his head. He got me back with a cupcake smooshed deep into my corset then went in to "retrieve" some cupcake. Nothing awkward about him face-deep in the girls while our entire family and friends look on laughing! Remaining tombstones were put out on the plates and the reception tables looked awesome!
Was there anything you were sure was going to be a total disaster that unexpectedly turned out great? Our cocktail hour food accidentally froze the night before the wedding. Brian's mom had to rush out to the next closest town (about 15 miles away) at the last minute to replace the destroyed food. It was put out on time and no one was the wiser!
My advice for Offbeat Brides:
- Literally step back 15-30 feet. Look around. Now you can see that car that needs moving. Have someone move it. See the garbage bag now? Have someone toss it. That 15-30 foot step-back could have aesthetically, physically, and emotionally changed a lot for us if we did it.
- A great day-of coordinator will save your ass and you won't even know it. Ours did, repeatedly, and we're still discovering all the ways Karen and her team of awesome assistants saved our day!
- The biggest thing I learned: Wedding disappointments happen. They happen, and there's only one day. You can't change them afterwards (although you can blur them in Photoshop!) but you can change how much emphasis you put on them. Live it up, and let 'em go!
Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?
- Dress: KMK Designs
- Veil: Southern Artistic Veil
- Bustle Train: Love Child Boudoir
- Bridesmaid Dresses: Living Dead Souls Bordello Dress – eBay
- Groom's Outfit: Gentleman's Emporium
- Day-of Coordinator: Karen and her awesome assistants at Cinderella 4 a Day
- Candy Bar: Sinfully Sweet
- Cupcakes: JJ's Rockin' Cupcakes
- Photography: Peggy, family friend. And of course Alen Fetahi
- Catering: Brook's BBQ, Oneonta, NY
- Venue: Stone Tavern Farm, Roxbury, NY
Enough talk — show me the wedding porn!