Zygotic relationships: How getting married is like forming DNA strands #Philosophizing#relationships August 13 | Guest post by Rorsun1 I realized that most of what makes the typical marriage is the slower process of two lives intertwining like DNA. It's the working to solutions as a team; it's the being completely honest; it's the working through disagreements; it's the really taking the time to communicate; it's the support that comes with all of that. The merging of lives is hard work — it's even harder work than I had really been prepared for. In the bringing of two lives together, there is some autonomy that is lost in the process. You are no longer working for the "you"; you are now working for the "us" — what's best for the "us" and having to negotiate the new merged places. For the DNA metaphor, it's like making sure that all the genes match. Are you building up to the 10 fingers and the 10 toes? Are you making sure that the heart doesn't have a hole in it? Are you making sure the spinal cavity is fully closed? Giving up some of the "you" things has, honestly, been difficult for me at times. I'm a fiercely independent person. I make my own decisions on my own time and in my own way. I can be very difficult to work with sometimes because of it. Being a true team player isn't something that really comes to me. (That isn't to say that I'm a complete asshole, though I do have my moments.) Recently, Mr. Man and I decided that we were going to start to merge our finances together to better be able to afford our "us" life — bills, the house, general expenditures… We spend the vast majority of our money on all those things and we had been struggling because we'd been operating as financial islands instead of a cohesive unit. So, I closed my account and moved that money to our bank (a Credit Union) where it happily sits and I realized — I just hit a tipping point. Usernames and the bridentity crisis Running an online network, I get an interesting insight into the names that people (women, specifically) use for themselves online. And one of the many... [more] Sure, we've got vendors and preliminary guest lists and engagement photos. But, those are not real things in the real world. It's still all conceptual. The engagement photos were fun to have taken, but there's no way it felt "real" in the sense of "holy fuck we're getting married and spending the rest of our lives together." Moving the money, though… that did. And it hit me like a punch to the gut. The next piece of the two DNA strands clicked into place in the zip-tie zygotic process. It's the part that ensures the relationship can breathe and have a heart beat. Before this point, it was more the sprouting of arm buds. It was a floating mass that looked like it could be a human, but also a fish, shrimp, or it could become a cat, dog, monkey, ocelot or woolly mammoth. At the moment where the money was moved and my account was closed, I suddenly felt the simultaneous chill and warmth, like a Bayou winter, of coming into real adulthood. No more talking about the "what ifs." We are going to give birth to the rest of our lives. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Rorsun1 Planning a budget, partially DIY, queer wedding at a great, old, rustic former farm house in Massachusetts. We love food and decorations in terms of our separate interests, but together we're into history and museums. http://queerwed.blogspot.com PREVIOUS The backyard is the new ballroom: Offbeat Bride on simple weddings in the New York Times NEXT Angi & Erik's upcycled country barn wedding Toggle comments [ 5 ] That's a fantastic analogy! I love it! 3 agree Reply We are going to give birth to the rest of our lives. Love this! 5 agree Reply This took my breath away. So well written. And so true!!! Thank you for sharing! 0 agree Reply My fiancé and I just did the same thing and I was surprised at how much it affected me. This is such a wonderful and comforting post. Thank you. 0 agree Reply Not only do I absolutely love this but I have feel the same way. So much so that that necklace in the picture is actually the necklace that I will be wearing on my wedding day, along with the matching earrings. =) 0 agree Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * Comment Notify me of follow-up comments by email. No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. Biz owners & wedding bloggers Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.