The offbeat bride: Lane, Project Administrator
Her offbeat partner: Jeff, Senior Drafter
Date and location of wedding: Hoyt Arboretum, Portland, Oregon — August 13, 2011
Our offbeat wedding at a glance: Our wedding was done on a budget of $3000 and was pretty much 100% DIY. It was a green event following these simple rules: everything had to be borrowed, used, or homemade/DIY, and everything had to be easily recycled or upcycled to a new home to create as little waste as possible.
As a Master Recycler, it is very important that we had a low-impact wedding. At the end, we only had one very small garbage bag of trash (grocery store size)!
My wedding dress was made from a vintage slip I had in my closet as well as other fabric remnants (including curtains!) from a resale/handmade boutique called Salty Teacup. Karen, the owner, also made my vintage brooch bouquet, necklace, boutonniere, flower hairpiece, matching clutch, and terrarium centerpieces! Jeff's suit was also purchased from a secondhand store.
I hand-colored over 600 coffee filters and turned them into garland flowers. Our kitchen looked like a coffee filter sweat shop over the holidays. I also handmade all the pinwheels, which were inspired by my grandmother who used to have pinwheels in her garden. The burlap table runners were repurposed from discarded coffee sacks and all the dinner/dessert plates were found via local thrift stores.
The majority of the candle holders were eight months worth of glass I had collected. I'd become known as a glass hoarder as I can't bear to recycle it when I can reuse it. Sheets found at the thrift store were cut and turned into napkins and old picture frames were turned into chalkboard frames for signage throughout the wedding.
Since Jeff and I are anti-cake, I made nine pies the day before the wedding. Other friends pitched in the day before to help to bake as well. And, to make our wedding fit our "oddball" theme, we had Pez dispensers in our favorite characters as our pie toppers: Elvis and Cinderella! I also made organic raspberry jam from local Oregon berries.
Aside from the decor and details, we opted for no bridal party and not to have anyone (such as my dad) walk me down the aisle. It was the start of our life together and we wanted to enter and leave the ceremony as a couple.
Lastly, all dishes and remaining decorations were kept and are available for other brides in the Portland area as part of a wedding goods library (free of charge!). I started the cause to help encourage repurposing, recycling, and reuse of bridal goods.
After everything was over, we honeymooned at Burning Man!
Tell us about the ceremony: I knew early on that I didn't want to have the traditional "to have and to hold" ceremony. With the help of our officiant, a personal friend, we were able to have something personalized. We incorporated four readings and then both my husband and I wrote our own vows. Readings by friends included: "On Marriage" by Kahlil Gibran and "To Love is Not to Possess" by James Kavanaugh.
Apache Marriage Blessing
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be the shelter for each other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth for the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before. Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your life together. And may your days be good and long upon the earth.
Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship – as they threaten all relationships at one time or another – remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives – remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.
God in heaven above
please protect the ones we love.
We honor all you created as we pledge
our hearts and lives together.
We honor mother-earth
– and ask for our marriage to be abundant
and grow stronger through the seasons;
We honor wind
– and ask we sail though life
safe and calm as in our father's arms;
We honor water
– to clean and soothe our relationship
– that it may never thirsts for love;
With all the forces of the universe you created,
we pray for harmony and true happiness as we forever grow young together.
Since we're spiritual but don't necessarily believe in any one "God" our officiant did a wonderful ceremony bringing in all the elements with various props – a candle, feather, water, etc. so the ceremony didn't feel too religious.
Instead of piped music via a sound system, we had a friend play classical guitar both during and after the ceremony.
Our biggest challenge: Deciding on whether to cater or not. I had to sleep on it for several nights. In the end, it came down to us ditching the catering, which would have put us over our $3000 dollar budget, and instead going with an amazing three-piece stand-up Depression-era band. We figured the potluck would be so much more meaningful, and both our families are used to potlucks anyway.
My favorite moment: My grandfather had a heart attack just a week or so prior to our wedding and passed away just four days before, so it was a very emotional time for me. In my grandparents' honor (they both helped raise me), I made a locket with their photo so they could still be there with me and walk me down the aisle.
We also chose Pearl Jam's "Just Breathe" as our first song, to which I made an announcement before our first dance letting our guests know our first dance and song is dedicated to them. We were in tears after that.
My funniest moment: My husband is a vocalist and part of his vows included him "reciting poetry from the great poet James Hetfield." He continued to sing the chorus from "Nothing Else Matters." Half our audience got it and the other half had a glazed over look in their eyes. I couldn't decide if I wanted to laugh or cry. It was hilarious nonetheless.
Was there anything you were sure was going to be a total disaster that unexpectedly turned out great? After reading all the Tribe posts I learned that everything happens for a reason. If something didn't turn out the way I wanted, I needed to just go with the flow. My husband threw out his back just prior to our wedding and wasn't able to help much with setup, but we managed with help from friends and family.
My advice for Offbeat Brides: If you're asking for help from family or friends, be specific in what you want them to do. I took photos of what I wanted the tables to look like so they had examples. I also created a very detailed task list in Excel, sorted by name, in order of when that task needed to be complete. If one person was putting the tablecloths on, another person was immediately following with the vases. Once people understood their list, no one had to come to me asking questions and they got the entire venue setup in two hours. It took some time to create the list, but it helped to do a complete mock-up ahead of time and mentally go through everything prior to the big day.
What was the most important lesson you learned from your wedding? It's okay to get "lost in the moment." When Jeff and I danced our first dance, we both started singing the lyrics to the song. Within seconds we both started to cry because the lyrics are just so touching. It was great to just let go and be with each other, even for just three minutes in front of the crowd. We were social butterflies the rest of the time, but we at least had that very intimate connection.
Care to share a few vendor/shopping links?
- Bride's dress, vintage brooch bouquet, boutonniere, bride's flower hairpiece, clutch, terrariums: Salty Teacup
- Groom's Suit: Hollywood Vintage
- Bride's Hair: Michael Price at Salon Seventy Seven
- Photography: Elisa Lazo de Valdez and Tim Ward Photography
- Band: Boy and Bean
Enough talk — show me the wedding porn!