Beards and lap dances: what will you "let" YOUR groom do? #Offbeat grooms#bearded groom May 7 | Guest post by littleorangemonkeys Like oh mah gawd! Are you really going to let your groom have a beard on the wedding day!? Photo by First Comes Love. "Are you going to let him…?" I've been running into this phrase a lot lately. I understand there's this idea floating around that the wedding is entirely the purview of the woman, and she controls all the minute details. I also know there's a marriage philosophy that states that a woman is in charge of her husband, and has to "train" him to be the good little gofer that she needs to serve her every whim. Anyone who knows us as a couple knows that if I pulled that domineering girlfriend bit, he'd shut that shit down in a hurry (by respectfully telling me to knock it the fuck off already). As well he should, since I personally don't think it's acceptable to treat your life partner like a three-year-old. We're both fiercely independent people, and our relationship works on a system of allowing each other do to our own thing, after discussing boundaries we can both agree upon. So am I going to "let" him keep his beard for the wedding? Since when am I in charge of his facial hair? I love him with his beard, and his beard makes him happy. Why on earth would I make him shave it off just for wedding pictures? Am I going to "let" him wear a kilt? Navy suit, gingham shirt, slim tie, and vans: advice for grooms on how to find their style Ok, so I guess today we're just all about fashion. That's ok, right? Especially when it involves the amazing fashion of groom Anthony Barlich, one... [more] Uh, he doesn't get to decide what I wear, so why should I dictate what he's wearing? We've had a conversation about the vision of our wedding attire, and I expect both of us to follow that vision. Am I going to "let" him go to Vegas for his bachelor party? Or "let" him go to a strip club? If I were uncomfortable with these things, I would express my concern and ask him if he would consider something else. But no, I'm not pulling the "you are not ALLOWED to get a lap dance!" Sometimes I watch those wedding shows and literally cringe in horror when a bride crashes the bachelor party and throws a hissy fit in the parking lot. You're "letting" him plan the ceremony music/pick the menu/figure out the honeymoon flights? Why yes, I am, because he's a big kid, who's more than capable of making plans. It's not like all his adult-type skills disappear when they are pointed in the direction of A WEDDING. Many of these questions are coming from friends and family that haven't batted an eye at our offbeat wedding plans. The beard one really threw me for a loop. I guess I figured that if I "allowed" him to have it in real life, it would follow that I was "allowing" it to stay for our wedding. I think that compromise is bedrock to a good relationship. Therefore, one of us might get to do something the other one isn't really thrilled about or impressed by. And yes, there might be things that I am flat-out not comfortable with him doing. But if that's the case, then as an adult I need to express my concerns and feelings, and let him know how that particular action would effect me and our family. And then he decides if those concerns are enough to keep him from doing said behavior, or if this would be a deal-breaker. Having a hissy fit or giving out ridiculous ultimatums just seems… sad. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo littleorangemonkeys I am a zoo keeper. My job requires that I wear a leatherman, pepper-spray, and steel-toed boots. I'm going to have to remove calluses from my hands if I want them to be soft and feminine for my wedding. I'm a huge book worm and am a member of a book club where we actually read and discuss the books. My fiance and I are huge Futurama fans, and also love Invader Zim. http://tribe.offbeatbride.com/members/littleorangemonkeys PREVIOUS Dancing and prancing couples and some delish retro desserts NEXT Starkers! Corsetry's Offbeat Bride-inspired gowns Toggle comments [ 82 ] Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * Comment Notify me of follow-up comments by email. No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy. Biz owners & wedding bloggers Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.