Do I really want to marry you? When doubts are a good thing.

Guestpost by Natannya on Apr. 2nd

Photo by Jana Morgan.

Lately I've been having anxiety attacks about being married. Mind what I said — Being married.

I'm all into the wedding planning and I love my husband-to-be, but suddenly I was in full on panic mode. We have started pre-marriage counseling, invitations are about to be sent out, and I'm about to be wed in less than two months; we are in full wedding planning and execution hype.

I have doubts. I wanted to blame them on the stress of planning the wedding but I couldn't lie to myself. I have always had them. So after one particularly long and emotionally draining day, I talked to my partner about my doubts and even created an action list of thing we should do to move forward. I neither cried nor was I as emotional as I thought I would be; I was actually very logical.

That's when I recognized that it was going to work out. Rather than be my usual overly-dramatic self, I was finding ways to overcome this obstacle and have a clearer understanding on how to make our marriage stronger.

What a great breaking point. I feel so much better now that I'm not only planning my wedding day but my marriage.

Here are the things we talked about and decided that we'll be working on as a team:

  • Where we see each other in five years. Sometimes we think we know where our spouse sees themselves but then we realize we don't, so I want a clear picture.
  • Where we see each other as a couple in five years. This is so we can see where we can offer support and grow together.
  • Creation of a family mission statement and vision, maybe even a motto. I'm a lover of words and I want these things posted in our home to keep us focused.
  • A check-list on expectations. Expectations were something that I realized we had of each other during our pre-marriage session.

These are just a few of the things we've decided to work on together, and maybe they'll inspire similar discussions for you and your partner, with equally positive results.

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About Natannya

I'm a great Caribbean woman, happy and proud to be married to a awesome man. Our wedding is going to be on the grounds of the oldest theological college in the western hemisphere, which happens to be in my island of Barbados. Did I mention I lived on an island!?